De Anima
by Audeamus-Amor
Summary: A story of love and duty, family and deception...! A mercenary ... A girl... A murder... A romance? A Different Kind of Twilight, AU, ExB.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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"_Edddwaaard."_

_I walked into the vast foyer, pleased at the fact that it seemed deserted of everything –_

"_Edddwaaaaaaaard."_

_-- Everything but the sound of her voice._

_She giggled a little at her own teasing, she was hiding from me, and the musicality of the sound was more perfect than any note I had ever played._

"_Hello?"_

_I mumbled the question more to myself than to her as I darted around one of the many thick pillars, pausing momentarily to appreciate the warmth and color of the usually barren and chilled cavern. The white marble was illuminated in the glow of hundreds of candles of varying widths and heights. The white votives lay strewn over nearly every surface, save for the wide berth of the meticulously drawn pathways, made in anticipation, I'm sure, for this most intriguing game of cat-and-mouse._

"—_Edwaaaard", she broke into my thoughts and the beauty of the room was quickly forgotten. Surely, it was her beauty that was beyond compare._

_I was eager to play her little game, I was eager for anything that had to do with her._

"_Where are you?" I chanced the question, though I knew she would not answer. I knew she liked to tease me._

_I could not see her, but I could feel her moving around the room. The sound of her bare feet dancing carelessly on the perfect marble floor, the swishing brush of her fingertips along the gauzy material of her dress, the sweet smell of freesia lingering in the empty spaces in her wake, she pleaded and pulled and dueled with every one of my senses. But most of all, I could _feel _her. She was reverberating passionate heat all around her, leaving traces of her everywhere she went… I tried to follow them, but as soon as I seemed to be standing where she might have been, she was gone. But I did not need to see her to know, to be certain, that my heart was so completely full. And it was full of her. The empty, echoing chamber of the foyer played games with my patience, making it even more difficult to reach her, and the frustration of being unable to touch her was suddenly too much._

"_Enough games." I growled._

_Again, the tinkling sound of her laughter wafted through the air, first from the far left corner, then immediately from the northernmost point of the room. I flitted back and forth, knowing that even the flames of the candles perched in the sconces along the pillars were too slow to mimic my movement._

"_Amore mio, per favore…" I begged. It wasn't noble or at all dignified, but it was in my flawless Italian and that somehow made it better._

_I was tired of chasing her, I had been chasing her for far too long. Mere moments, a lifetime? I only knew that with her at my side, I was sure of who _I _was, that years upon years of emptiness were not quite in vain, that with her the sadness that grated against my soul came to halt. I could rebuild myself with her. And no, not piece by piece, but entirely. All at once. To have her would be to have every part of humanity that this life had to offer. To have her would be to have everything._

"_Close your eyes," she whispered from somewhere behind me._

_I did as I was told feeling relief that she was here to save me, yet desperate that she not give chase again. The moment her delicate hand found mine, I felt the longing die in my chest. Finally, she was here, I had been waiting so long. She was here, she was mine and it was as if every invisible bond that chained me to this world of suffering was severed._

_With closed eyes and trembling hands, I felt the warm touch of her perfect fingertips along my cheek, her breath on my lips, her body pressed into mine._

"_Edward…" she purred._

"_Mmmm," I groaned, savoring the way my cold body came alive under her touch._

"_Edwaaard," her voice came out in the singsong tone as it had earlier, but now that she was in my arms it was not so much a tease as it was promise._

_I kept my eyes shut, taking her into all of my senses._

"_Edward, open your eyes…"_

_I shut my eyes tighter, not wanting to live outside of exactly this moment. Just standing there, with her in my arms, I was more at peace in that moment than I had ever wished to be…_

"_Edward…" she moaned, trailing kisses from my closed eyes, over my cheeks, along my jaw line, down the side of my neck…_

_I shook my head, afraid of what might be the reality of the dream._

"_Edward….. Edward….."_

_Her voice grew heavy with the telltale roughness of seduction. She wanted me just as I wanted her: Passionately… Completely._

"_Edward…. Edward……Edward…"_

_She worshipped me with every breathless whisper of my name. The lips that had only just trailed fire along my face and neck were at my ear …_

"_Please, Edward. __**Please**__."_

_There was nothing sanctimonious in her tone now. Gone was the piety and the reverence. All that was left was desire. I still could not bring myself to open my eyes, petrified to challenge my good fortune._

_Insistent hands pulled at the linen hem of my shirt and she discarded it easily. Open-mouthed kisses peppered the skin on my chest and the only action I could muster was to sigh contentedly._

"_Edward… Edward…"_

_I wanted to see her…_

"_Edward…"_

_I wanted to open my eyes…_

"_Edward…."_

_I was panting in anticipation of the moment of release…_

"_Edward…"_

_Her voice trailed into a whisper just as I allowed my eyelids to flutter open…_

"Edward…EDWARD… EDWARD!"

The room was suddenly washed in black. That voice didn't belong here. It was cold and rough and bothersome in its insistence.

"Edward, they're waiting for you in the main chamber."

I knew the emptiness was already returning tenfold as I tried to ignore the offending voice and refocus my thoughts on her. I chased her into the recesses of my mind, willing the mirage forward. _No, come back…_ _Please, don't leave…._

"Sir?"

I grunted in response, throwing an arm over my face and squeezing my eyes shut as tightly as I could muster.

"They've _been_ waiting, Edward."

I sat up quickly, grabbing the closest thing I could find and lobbed in the direction of the offending voice. The candelabra that was only just sitting on the bedside table was shattered into a million pieces at his feet before I could even open my eyes. I glared at him as he picked a stray piece of the invaluable antique out of his hair nervously, unsure of whether to run or to genuflect.

"I was having a _good_ daydream," I growled menacingly with narrowed eyes, "VERY good."

"I-I-I'm sorry, S-sir. It's just that you…. I think they said y-y-you…"

"Y-y-you WHAT?! SAY IT, BOY!" I bellowed, mocking him.

My lack of patience was a thing of significant notoriety, surely he knew that, and it was particularly thin today.

"They have an assignment for you."

I nearly barked at him for his insolence, but he frantically corrected himself as soon as the words left his lips.

"I-I meant … I meant that they seem likely to request your… _services._"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, the telling sign of my frustration, "I'll be there in a moment.

"Yes, Sir."

He stumbled out the door with a bowed head and shut the door in front of him, unwilling or afraid to turn his back to me, I had no idea.

I rose and felt uncharacteristically unsteady on my feet. I took a moment's pause, throwing the few belongings I had into a worn leather satchel. It had been my home for years, but I did not look back as I shut the door behind me.

As the sound of my hollow steps filled the cold foyer that had only just been washed in the amber candlelight of my daydream, I steeled myself with the pretense of composure I knew would be expected of me. It was only after having these fantasies that I had to pretend at all. This life came naturally to me, easily even. But lately, these illusions were becoming frequent in occurrence and significantly vivid. I had never had much of an imagination before. Yet these dreams felt more that just machinations of the subconscious mind. I knew not who she was, nor what she looked like, even _what _she was… But I was sure that in the reality of this life, I would never have her. It was not even a possibility. It was with this liberating grief that I walked confidently into the receiving room where I knew that they would be waiting. Knowing the guarantee of this half-fulfilled life was the only source from where I might draw strength, for how could I fear any challenge when there was nothing to lose? The room quieted upon my arrival and soon I was listening to the tedious formalities I had come to know and expect. As I stood obediently and listened, I let my mind wander. Already I was dreaming of when I would be able to escape to the safe haven of my mind... To be alive… To be free…To be with her again.

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_Sigh._

I felt the cool burst of air break through the gap between my lips. Though the act of breathing was hardly necessary it still felt…. Arduous. I recited the tenants of behavior that I so vehemently championed: discipline, deep concentration, structured and regimented behavior, obedience. At the moment all of it, my entire existence, felt so… Tedious.

The second moment of hesitation in a single train of thought shook me from the ennui that threatened to distract me from my goal. I stiffened against the rigid pine chair knowing that neither my own skin nor the timber would sacrifice any give. I scanned the room with a newfound alertness, trying to pick up bits and pieces of conversation that might help me complete my task. I couldn't disappoint my family. I couldn't go home empty-handed, if I went home at all. No. That would result in the only thing worse than the boredom: Loneliness.

And I knew loneliness. I knew her all too well. She was the bitch-mistress that had plagued me for decades before I found my family. From the dawn of my second birth she was my constant companion, the only assurance I had that I was indeed still alive. Or perhaps, infinitely dead was a better characterization of the existence I had. In either case, she was like a lover who had overstayed her welcome.

When I rose as an immortal covered in blood that was unrecognizable, it could have been mine, it could have been anyone's, and overwhelmed with a thirst that I have never since experienced, loneliness was my only cohort. At first, she gave me something that reminded me of a long-lost mortality. She was the greatest distraction from the thirst that I tried to deny… in the beginning. In those stages of infancy in this life, I clung to her more tightly than anything else. I indulged her for months at a time, sequestering myself to the most remote and harsh conditions on earth, denying myself nourishment and companionship. For her, I denied myself any humanity. Surely, I thought at the time, the overwhelming desire to kill and feed must have meant that I was no longer human. But eventually, who could possibly know how many months upon months it took, I found myself back in the world of the humans.

Slowly at first, after I discovered that animals' blood helped to satiate the thirst and curb the desire to kill, I reintroduced myself to a world that I did not recognize. But even with the sights and sounds and smells of this new world, I couldn't elude her. Loneliness. She chased me as I ran from city to city, continent to continent, as I sought something, anything, to make this everlasting existence just minutely more bearable.

And finally they found me. _Family._

I could know neither why, nor how, they happened upon me that day, but I was grateful. They cared for me as much as they could, as much as any of our kind could, for surely love was impossible for those like us. I was certain that we were incapable of love, but we had companionship, and that might just be enough reason to claw through this existence. For if it did exist, who could possibly guess what kinds of hell and misery awaited us on the other side…

"That's so funny!"

_Wow, that's really not funny._

" I know! I can barely believe I did it either… I don't know what came over me!"

_I'm awesome…_

The discrepancy between what the two humans were saying and what they were thinking was unusual, even for children, and it caused me to glance in their direction. I could tell by their smell that they weren't what I was looking for, just regular human teenagers. I took a quick sniff of the air. Too much perfume and cheap aftershave, I could smell it mingled with the scent of human food even from across the crowded room. They were probably on the first of many hormone-addled dates.

"Well, I'm glad _you_ can find ways of entertaining yourself in Forks. Sometimes I think I might actually _die_ from the boredom…"

_But getting a boyfriend might even make Forks bearable…_

Just as I tried to block out the internal monologue of the predictable brunette girl, she finally said something worth my attention. _Forks._

What were the children from Forks doing all the way in Port Angeles? It must be a more boring than I thought, but it was also likely that it was closer…

"Yeah," the flaxen-haired boy answered wistfully, "Only two more years and then it's off to college and, like, actual civilization…"

… _And SEX!_

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the boy and leaned further into their direction, though my senses were more than capable of picking up anything they might or might not say.

"We better get going if you want to stop at that music store," the girl said suddenly as she started to gather her things. "Otherwise, we're going to be late."

_Like I really care…_

"Yup, you're probably right."

…

The boy inched himself out of his booth in a quick and jerky manner though he was still a little too late to help the girl with her coat. He raised his hands and patted her hesitantly on the shoulders as she settled into the light fabric. It was unusually breezy for an evening in August, even in this part of the Pacific Northwest.

"Uhh, thanks anyway."

_SO AWKWARD!_

"Y-yeah. No problem."

_Idiot. Idiot. Idiot._

I followed their forms as they ambled out the door, the boy trailing slightly behind the girl.

_Sigh._

I let another unnecessary breath struggle against the insides of my stone mouth before throwing some money on the table and getting up to follow them. Though the door had closed behind me, I could still hear the audible sighs of relief from the restaurant's owners. I waited until I turned the corner before I chanced a look at my reflection in a shop mirror. I thought I had mimicked a human demeanor sufficiently enough to not scare the people in the sleepy town.

I rolled down the sleeves of my shirt and threw on the coat that had previously been slung over the back of my chair. I pulled the collar up around my neck and loosened the disciplined stiffness of my shoulders in an attempt to look more believable. I had had enough forays into the human world without consequence to assume that I was getting better at replicating typical behavior. Based on the pointed stares and quickened paces of those around me, I must not be as good as I thought.

I scanned the bustling street, filled with tourists and locals alike, enjoying the last days of summer despite my imposing and ominous presence. I always half expected them to scurry like cockroaches whenever I was among them, their subliminal fight-or-flight patterns always veered towards the flight. I spotted them almost immediately, the loud fuschia of the girl's coat marking them as my prey. I stayed immobile as I watched them disappear behind a storefront across the street, two blocks down.

I picked up my feet to travel into the opposite direction, knowing that I could keep an ear on them even from several blocks away. Opting to do some reconnaissance should my assignment bring me back to Port Angeles for either save haven or departure, I meandered along the streets, keeping an ear in the boy's thoughts. The foot traffic of the coastal town's main street quickly dispersed leading me into the more industrial guts of the city center. I rounded a corner and spotted a huddle of men, clearly the underbelly of the cheery town. I neared them, unbothered by the smell of stale liquor on their breaths and the slightly feral look in their eyes. I brushed against one of them as I passed the group on the sidewalk, my eyes trained on the ground as I had been taught to do.

"Hey watch it, Man!"

I looked behind me to see the largest of the group eyeing me with what I had to assume was contempt, though to me it was no more intimidating than an errant fly that only had to be swatted away.

"Sorry…" I heard myself mumble automatically.

"Yeah you better be, Dick…"

_Maybe I should show him just how sorry he should be…_

I heard his internal monologue deliberate over whether or not to give me any trouble. He was nervous at my size and demeanor, but was quickly placated at the numbers in his favor. 5 against 1? As if they even had a chance…

I heard the others snicker behind him as he mumbled his plans to them, thinking I couldn't hear. I turned around abruptly to walk in the direction that I came from, eager to avoid the fight. It would only highlight my previous feelings of boredom, highlight the fact that even subduing this group of scum was without a challenge. I was already several paces beyond them before I caught a stray thought from one of the others. It was thrown out with a nonchalance that led me to believe that thoughts like this were common to men like them…

_If we can't get a fight out of this guy, maybe we can find a girl to entertain us._

I felt the familiar pool of venom in my mouth that accompanied a particular brand of irritation. _Just a quick distraction, _I thought to myself, _something to kill the time. _I focused in on the thoughts of the boy in the shop a few blocks away, he was still perusing the racks of CDs with the girl at his side, I had more than enough time.

_Is this guy mental?_

I heard another one ask himself as he noted the sudden hesitation in my step.

_He must have a death wish._

"I'm sorry?" I growled, still facing away from them, "Did you say something?"

_What the hell?_

"No, Man," another answered, "We didn't say anything. Why? You got something to say?"

"And if I do?" I answered with bone chilling calm.

"You don't got nothin' to say," the biggest one answered.

I twisted toward them and bared my teeth, the familiar growl escaping my throat.

"W-wha…"

I watched as the group took a tentative step backwards, eyeing me with the cautious apprehension that they should have had before I showed them a more accurate version of myself. I took three long strides towards them and was within an arm's length before they realized I was on the offensive. I quickly distinguished the offender who had made the comment about a girl and grabbed him by the neck knowing that just the flick of my wrist would have pulverized his trachea.

"You should be more polite," I insisted as I held him by the throat, his friends too stunned to disperse or defend.

"A… aghh…" the beginnings of a word I could not decipher fell dead on his lips as he struggled to free himself from my infallible hold. I raised my other fist and brought it down swiftly on the bridge of his nose, smiling sadistically at the sound of bones splitting underneath his skin. The overpowering smell of blood filled the air before I saw the first drop spill onto the concrete. Slowly by my own standards, but within the space of a human second, three of the men were attempting to subdue me with feeble kicks and punches to my body. When I did not even sway from their weak onslaught, they backed away, faced with the realization that I may be more than I seemed. I swept them away with my free arm and watched delightedly as they flew through the air. I released my hold on offender's throat and let him crumple to the ground in complete and total agony. He was still writhing on the ground as I watched the other four scurry away around corners into empty streets. I watched the man on the ground for a few more seconds, the ever-present bloodlust threatening to turn this distraction into an exercise of self-loathing and contempt, before turning on my heel and walking back into town.

I let myself back into their thoughts. Two of them were considering going back to check on their 'friend'. As if the notion of friendship could reside in any of those vessels. If I was without a soul, surely the powers-that-be would not be so cruel as to grant those monsters any sort of reprieve.

I knew that my brand of justice would not incapacitate them for long and it would be too soon before they were back to their ways, but for the moment they were punished and I was less bored.

I was so deep in my thoughts that there were barely 100 paces between us before I smelled her. I stopped dead in my tracks as I felt my body seize, then tense for attack. The dispersing venom in my mouth was quickly met with a torrent of fresh supply as every instinct within my body called, no _screamed_, KILL. Fire scorched through my limbs and stopped in my throat and I knew nothing but the thirst. I knew not my mission, not my family, not even my own name. All I knew was that I had to have her, feel her blood flowing hot under her translucent skin just before in flooded into my mouth uninterrupted by flesh… Uninterrupted by her struggling attempt to free herself. Because surely, _surely, _she would be dead the moment I reached out and took her…

**AN: I'm not sure if people will be into the premise of this story. I don't even know if it's been done, there's so much fic out there! Everything is a little AU, though I'm trying for canonized pairings since I love them so much. Read and Review? It is greatly appreciated and will encourage a little continuity. Isn't it always the way? Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

EPOV

The agony in my throat was relentless. It ripped and rammed and throbbed beneath the surface of my diamond-hard skin, promising to break out and release itself all over the child. I had never known such sensations. Had I not been in such agonizing pain, I might have been staggered, awestruck even. If I could remember what it was like to be alive, I imagine that it might have felt something like this... yet this _had _to be infinitely more painful that any sensation a human could endure. My hunger was never so blatant in its presence. It was always masked, if only slightly, by self-loathing and contempt. But this hunger was a completely different beast. It was so desperately unapologetic. The thirst thrived with every breath I took, every intake of her sweet scent urged it to grow more desirous. It was only the shock of such absolute thirst that stunned my body into inaction. I took heaving breaths from where I stood, still an entire block from her, and watched as she took notice of me for the first time.

I could not control the façade of my human pretense and the shock on her face suggested that perhaps she saw some piece of my truer being. Had it not been dusk, she might have fled, but the shadows allowed just enough coverage to inspire shock rather than panic. I watched her swallow, the muscles in her throat pushing against her skin and forcing the veins in her jugular closer to the surface. The shock of seeing such a monotonous sight of temptation on this completely foreign source of lust triggered my automatic response for denying my thirst. As soon as I stopped breathing, I felt the familiar settling of stale air in my lungs and I am sure that was it possible, I would have fainted at the relief from it all. A reprieve! If there was a God, surely I must thank him now; for the pain was still alive and thrashing, but weaker now, as if the better angels in my head were fighting against it. Surely, a losing battle, but maybe long enough for escape…

The child was intuitive enough to cast her gaze downwards as she hurried along. I crossed the street quickly, yet not quickly enough as I had to maintain a human's pace. She walked closer and with each step I felt the warmth of her lithe body pulsate in the air around me. She was wary of me. Her heart was fluttering against her chest frantically and each beat pushed her blood easily though the network of veins in her body. Not only could I see her and smell her, but I could _feel _her and I damned the heavens that I had only just exalted for laying this temptation before me.

With an uncharacteristic recklessness, I allowed myself to travel at my natural speed. I blurred 30 paces beyond her before chancing a look behind me in her direction. Her eyes remained trained on the sidewalk. _Good, _I assured myself, _she had not seen. _A single extra moment of hesitation on her part and surely she would already be dead. Her insistence at ignorance was a second reprieve in what felt like an infinite torture. I hurried around the corner that she had emerged from not more than 10 human seconds ago. The familiar smells of the town began to wade into the air around me, cutting the concentrate of her blood, and finally I was able to unfurl the fists at my sides and relax the tension in my shoulders. It was not peace, how could I know such a thing, but at least it was not agony.

I leaned against the side of a building and attempted to find my composure. I opened my mind, suddenly aware of the fact that I had not heard so much as a whisper for the past few moments. I brushed it away from my mind. It was easy to shut off my extra sense when I was so completely enthralled by something else, it must have happened instinctually. The lust shot straight through me and venom flooded into my mouth at the mere thought of her. _No,_ I urged myself, _NO._

I needed a distraction. _Remember __**why**__ you are here. _I sifted through the faint murmur of voices in my head, looking for the familiar, honing in on the voice of the two children who were still in the main street store. It seemed as if they would be staying there for a while. The girl was eager to draw out this meeting for as long as possible. _Go back for the girl. No! Yes, take her! _The battles within my own mind quarreled as I tried to occupy myself, my body was still teeming with her presence, I could not force her out.

So if I could not have peace, then I would have rage. Either of the two was better than hunger. I thought of the men in the alley and sifted through the near voices in my head. They could not have gone too far.

I focused on the de facto leader of the group. He was making his way back to his car, nothing but rage and revenge coursed through his mind. _Good, a fight._ _A gun? An interesting choice._ I sighed. Guns made things less interesting. A man with a gun was a coward. He would run if there was half a chance. _Perhaps the others will make an appearance, that would make it more… distracting. _

I searched for the others, three of them had congregated in an alley near where I had first met them. _Yes, get angry. You want revenge. I'm just one simple man after all. Come after me. _I felt the ragelust return and I smiled, my silent taunting seemed to reflect their decision-making process. They were coming…

I watched in my mind as the three of them walked down an abandoned alleyway. I turned, quickening my pace to meet them the few blocks over. Then it all happened so quickly. One of them made a rash decision to take an alternate route, thinking they could surround me from all directions. I did not know these streets well, I had not considered they would have anything beyond a crude sense of attack, but their plans were dividing them. It would not have been a problem but… _the girl._

I cursed under my breath and turned into the direction I had come from. I cannot explain why I did it, but suddenly I was running to her as visions of what they might do played as violent scenes in my head. I was back upon her scent in an instant and the vicious pain re-entered my being while I was momentarily stunned, though I had known that same pain just a moment ago. I turned the corner, knowing she would be just beyond my grasp; her scent was too strong for her to have gotten very far.

Her fingers skimmed along the brick wall as she took absentminded steps forward, a book was open in her other hand. I could hear her murmuring the words on the pages, strange that she was attempting to read even in the near darkness. The long, curling chestnut of her hair was radiant in the new moonlight and her young feminine curves taunted and teased me. It was enticing. How fitting that the human frailty of her body be as enticing as her scent; another layer of temptation to add onto a slew of forbidden desires. She was so immersed in her own oblivion that she would not have heard me coming, even if I were a mere mortal. I tried to hold in my last breath as I did what I should not have done.

"M-miss?"

She whirled around, shocked and defensive at the sound of my voice. The book dropped from her hand and she made no attempt to retrieve it. She remained where she stood, her back rigid and her eyes wide. She seemed to have stopped breathing.

"Miss?" I tried again, trying to make the word as small as possible.

"Get away from me!!"

The accusation in her voice was clear as she remained fixed in her spot, her breath coming and going in short, violent bursts. _Good, I scare her._ _She will be more likely to listen._

"I'm not going to hurt you, Miss. I just don't think you should go that way."

I tried my best to use the alluring tone that humans seemed to be drawn to, but she seemed not to be responding. Her eyes were darting in every direction looking for a safe haven, no doubt, or a witness to whatever crime she was sure would happen here.

"I-I'll scream! Someone will hear me!"

I knew that I should choose my next words carefully, I was already out of breath.

"I know that, Miss. I just don't think it's _sensible_ for a woman to be walking alone in this area at night. I just came from that direction. I –"

"Yes!" she said, accusation in her tone again," I know I saw you before! Are you following me?!"

"No…" I said, letting the word come out in a hiss.

She took a defiant step away from me, as if to run, her eyebrow rising at my blatant lie.

"Well, yes. Yes, of course I was following you! But not to hurt you, Miss!"

I heard the voices of the thugs approaching. They were close and I had no options left.

"Just trust me, Miss! You don't want to go back in that direction… I'm sure of it."

"W-why? What did you do?! What don't you want me to see??"

She was so inquisitive, even in a moment where she clearly believed she was in danger, and it surprised me. Usually humans, particularly human girls, were quick to obey or to flee. They were never outrightly defiant, never so _insubordinate._

"**I**," I stressed, "am just trying to **help** you, **Miss**."

She bristled at the change in my tone, my patience with politeness had already worn thin. She could see my temper rising with each moment she refused to listen, but it seemed only to strengthen her own resolve.

"I don't need your help. Just get away from me…Leave me alone."

The smell of stale alcohol and absent morals flooded into the air around me and I knew it was too late to be rid of her.

"Well, well, well… What do we have here?! You've brought us a _friend_…"

The sound of the man's voice would have been bone-chilling to human ears. It was practically gleeful at the prospect of revenge and a mindless screw. It infuriated me, made my rage double over. It would be too easy to dispose of him. _But the girl…_ I looked to her and panic was evident on her face. She seemed to understand that I wasn't the worst thing out on the streets tonight. I let my mind wander out into the surrounding alleyways. The others were close, coming from all directions. There was an empty street to the left of us. If she ran quickly and did not stop until she reached the main road she would be able to escape before one of the others intersected her path. If she hesitated, even for a second, I would have to defend her. She would see what I was.

"Run!" I told her, putting myself between her and the brute, "That street to the left! RUN and don't stop until you are back into town!"

I felt her come closer to me as the smell of her blood, ever-present and agonizing in my throat, fueled my lust for violence.

"You --" she breathed out frantically.

"Don't worry about me, you stupid girl!!" I growled, "RUN!"

I heard a hesitant gasp of fear catch in her throat and smelled the flood of adrenaline in the air. She was contemplating whether or not to stay. As if she could have been any help to me.

I turned to her, wild and unkempt, "GO! If you want to help, get out of here!!"

She hesitated for only a half-second longer and soon she was running, and with each stride she took her smell dissolved slowly, giving me the calm I needed to refocus on the man standing amused in front of me.

"Don't worry," he sneered, "I'll be sure to take good care of her after you're gone…"

He pulled out the gun swiftly, but I was upon him before he was able to focus his gaze. I disarmed him, permanently, with the flick of a wrist. I tossed his body into a nearby dumpster in a single motion, there would be no evidence to cover up. Vampires didn't leave prints.

**AN: I have Chapter 3 ready to go, there's more substantial EdwardxBella action. Please review? Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not even a firm grip on reality. ; )**

I knew that I should have felt troubled, but I could not find the guilt. I was not prone to taking human life on a whim in the way I just had. I should have been more grateful that I was able to tear myself away before the others arrived. But I was not grateful; I was resentful. My self-loathing was already so heavy with the weight of a thousand transgressions, but I could not count what had just transpired as one of them. I had not guilt, nor gratitude, not even satisfaction; I had only the ineffable feeling that I had done the right thing. That protecting the girl, though all she had brought me was unyielding pain and momentary frustration, was the _right _thing to do. I should have killed them all… Or at least punished them…

I opened my mind to the outside world and searched for the children from Forks, we were all finished with our evening diversions now. The girl in the fuchsia coat, the vapid one, was confused. I sifted through the unwritten words and invisible pictures in her brain and saw the girl from the alleyway standing in front of her. _Bella?? Bella what's wrong?_

_Ah, so the source of my torture had a name: Bella._ I heard myself scoff at the irony. _Of course she would be called Bella…_

The girl was allowing herself to focus completely on _Bella_ and it gave me a moment's pause, at least the girl in the fuchsia coat was not inhumanely self-obsessed. I let myself reside in her thoughts, inexplicably eager to see what this _Bella _was going to say about the scum she saw in the alley.

The girl in the fuchsia coat noted the almost frantic way that this Bella creature was pulling at her arm. _Probably to pull her to a police station, _I mused, _to report that awful fight in the alley between all those horrible –_

"Hurry, Jessica! Mike! We _have _to help him!"

_Help who? That man?! _I wanted to scream at her for being so ignorant! That man would have killed her had I not put aside my own physical pain to protect her! _Help him?!_ All the inexplicable emotions running though my usually flat demeanor came to a head in that moment and I felt myself running toward her again. I had not the faintest idea of what I might do when I arrived there, but my feet were traveling faster than my mind at the moment. I was suddenly on the busy street and scanning the now familiar storefronts for her face.

"Bella! Calm down, Bella! What are you talking about?!"

It was the boy's voice in the fuchsia girl's mind now, _Mike._ I paused at the corner of the side street where I stood, the three children in my line of vision, Bella with her back to me.

"There!" Bella pointed and waved her arm frantically in my direction, her eyes never leaving Mike and the girl's panicked stares, "Over there! I wasn't paying attention and I was wandering around… And then this guy comes out of nowhere… And… And… We HAVE to help him!!"

She was pulling frantically at the boy and in his mind I could see tears pooling in Bella's eyes, her breath labored with the panicked sobs that were obviously thick in her throat. Something deep within me lurched at the idea that she assumed _I _was the predator in this situation. She was right, of course, but even then…

"Wait!" Mike urged, trying to still her with a hand on her shoulder, "Would you just wait?"

She shook her head, even more frantically still, and pulled him with what I imagined was all her strength.

"Bella! Stop for a second!"

Finally, her emotions seemed to bubble over and it looked as if she was giving up on an explanation for her friends. I watched as she turned quickly and started to run back into my direction.

Her eyes went frighteningly wide as she saw me stalled on the corner. I watched the emotions on her face as if they were a story. First, there was fear. Then, shock. Disbelief came next. And then, at the end, there was something I could not place. Suddenly, she was running over to me and I was dazed. _Why is she running to me? To accuse me? Surely, she was not so brave._ I looked to both sides. I was flanked by humans in every direction. I could not run from her as fast as I would like, but even at a human speed perhaps I could lose her in the crowd. I shoved my hands in my pockets and turned without giving her a second glance. I hurried my pace so that it was not quite a run, but quick nevertheless.

"Wait!" I heard her call, "HEY! WAIT!"

I could smell her approaching quickly. _Damn, she is faster than she looks._ I turned a corner, trying to evade her, she was running behind me now. I could hear her stuttering breath and the even quickness of her heart. And then, all that there was was pain. Her scent was concentrated again, just behind me, and if I turned around she would be but a hairsbreadth from me. I tried, and it was futile at this human pace, to dart around a coming mass of bodies. I felt a frenzied hand pull at the coat swathing my bicep and I knew that it was too late to run now, there were too many people watching the suspicious man and the panicking girl. I sucked in a heaving breath, but it was too full of her, and it burned with wanton desire. I let her turn me around and I forced my features into blank template.

"Are you okay?!"

_What?_ I felt my face recoil with incomprehension and the practiced mask of indifference fell away. _What was this girl talking about?_

Her hands seemed to be roaming my heavily clothed body, searching for something. I felt an insistent nudge at my right shoulder and I had to assume she meant for me to turn. I could not remain an immovable statue at her attempts to move me, even as a human I should have at least swayed. I would have rolled my eyes as I moved with her touch, but I was focusing too intently on keeping my composure. _Do not kill the girl, do NOT kill the girl…_

"How did you? Didn't he have a --? I thought I saw a gun in his hand?!"

My eyebrow raised, apparently the girl was more perceptive than I had given her credit for. I let myself look at her face, straight into her eyes, trying to avoid her throat. I heard her heart quicken again, the fear returning after the initial shock of…_What was she thinking?_

She found her voice and there seemed to be a new sense of settling calm.

"Are you okay? What happened? You don't even look hurt… Do we need to get you to a hospital?"

I was shocked. She was concerned? _For me?_ Just moments ago, she was sure that I was the attacker and now here she was, checking me for wounds and asking me if I needed to go to the hospital? What a silly human girl. Compassionate, slightly dense in her own self-preservation, but obviously kind. She was forcing me backward again and I looked behind myself, there was a bench. _How quaintly appropriate for a seaside town_, I deadpanned silently.

"Sit down! Are you okay?! What happened?!"

She repeated her questions and it seemed now was as good a time as any to give her an answer.

I tried to catch the rest of the air in my lungs before letting just enough escape to my lips, "I'm fine."

She seemed stunned at the calm of my voice and I watched as she continued to prod at me with her questions, a disbelieving look on her face.

"The man? Where did he---? How did you?"

"I can handle myself perfectly well. _Thank you._" I was surprised at the acidic sarcasm in my voice and it seemed, so was she.

"I wasn't inferring that you weren't, I was just so _sure_ I saw a gun… He didn't look that fast, but with a gun I didn't think you could outrun him…"

She trailed off, seeing the obvious irritation play across my features. I could not fathom what her motivation was. Was she scared? Shocked? Or just curious? In any scenario, I would not be around to find out.

"Who said I outran him?"

I got up quickly, resolute that I had given her all the explanation she needed. I had already given her too much, more than I had given any human… I was already out of air and the desire to taste her was beginning to pull me back to the other side.

"No! Wait!"

"I said I'm fine!"

I let myself raise my voice, thinking that might scare her away, and tried to disappear in the throngs of late summer tourists. A crowd of people emerged from a two-screen theatre directly in front of me at the most opportune moment. It wasn't until I stood alone several blocks away that I realized she had not followed. I breathed a sigh of relief, eager to refill my lungs with the mundane tastes and smells of the unknowing world. I had managed not to kill the girl, despite the otherworldly temptation. I felt strong knowing that I could control myself that way, it reminded me why I was a good warrior. Why I had been chosen for the task at hand…

_Yes, that's right… I am here for a reason, _I reminded myself. I reached for the phone in my pocket and punched in the number, pausing only for a second to recollect the international country code.

"It's me." I continued without giving a greeting or waiting for a response, "I arrived in Port Angeles as planned. I will be in Forks shortly, there was a minor… _distraction._"

"Did you take care of it?"

I scoffed into the phone at the practically anxious tone in his voice. They knew I did not feed, or for that matter, kill easily.

"Yes. Of course I did. I took the life of a soulless man who was being _troublesome_."

"—And did you feed?"

I could have thrown my phone into the nearby ocean were it not for the fact that it would have only provoked their interest.

"No. No, I did not feed. You know I don't—"

"Yes, yes…" he hissed irritated. He always seemed to be the most bothered by my dietary restrictions.

"You will call when you arrive in Forks, then?"

"Yes. I will."

"Be careful. They are strong. They have experienced warriors among them, one that was instrumental in the wars of the South. Do not take their bonds as a coven lightly. Do not show yourself to them! Remember, you are there to see what we cannot. You are there ONLY to watch. When we attack, it will take more of us…"

"I know this already!" I wailed dramatically, "You all act as if I am incapable of discretion! As if I plan to go there and declare myself to the entire town!"

"No!" he insisted, "We have no reservations of your abilities. It is only that…"

"That what? That I do not feed as you all do? Recklessly? That I do not care to partake in the sadistic pleasure of torturing them? Of frightening them?!"

I watched as the tone in my voice brought the inquisitive stares of the humans passing me on the sidewalk. I hurried into an abandoned alleyway.

"It is not that! We came to peace with your decision the moment we welcomed you into our family…"

I scoffed again, affronted at such audacious deception, they were no more at peace with my decision as I was with theirs.

"I have never given you reason to doubt me! I have never been anything been faithful! Obedient to my own detriment!"

"Yes! Yes, I know that Edward! We all know that! There is not a single doubt of your allegiance here! I was merely saying…"

"What then? What were you saying?"

He hissed, growing tired at my insolence, though he was not the one I answered to. I had no master.

"I was just alluding to your _charitable disposition_…"

"Saving a human from a soulless vessel is not a charity!"

"Nor is it a duty, Edward…"

"I know this. You know that I know this."

"But still, you continue to save them when the chances arise… It _distracts_ you from the tasks at hand."

I remained silent, I could not argue, but I could not agree. He seemed to sense my reluctant acceptance of this truth.

"We are only concerned with your safety, Edward. They are strong. You must be vigilant. You can play with the humans when we are finished with this…"

I sneered at his patronizing tone. I had called as I said I would, this conversation was over.

"I will contact you if need arise."

"Yes, Edward please do. They ask after you quite often, he will be glad that you called."

"Hm," I commented, "Tell him everything is going as planned. Tell him…"

I trailed off, thinking of my respect for him. He took me from a world that was unbearable after I could not take myself. And I had tried. Of all the beings in the world, his esteem was the only that mattered to me.

"…Tell him that I am safe."

"I will, Edward. He will be satisfied to hear it."

I moved to press the end button on the call, eager to continue on my reconnaissance mission, but something stopped me.

"And Caius? Tell him that I will not fail him…"

I heard the line go dead as I finished my sentence knowing that he would relay the message if only for the reason that he had no other choice. I let the tension build in my legs before I took off at a vampire's run. I wanted to be ready by dawn.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**AN: Please review? It WILL make the next chapter go up more quickly. Thank you for all the subscriptions/alerts! It makes me feel better about continuing the story, though reviews would be EVEN better…**


	4. Chapter 4

EPOV

I unlocked the door to my newly acquired rental home with low expectations. It was small, sparse, and unimpressive, even from the outside. Still, it was infinitely better than a motel. Motels were suspect. They screamed of impropriety, glared of failed attempts at discretion. A single man staying at a motel for more than an evening? If he was not a passing motorist, surely he was a philanderer or worse, a _murderer_. I threw my only bag of worldly belongings onto a misplaced chair and strode toward the back wall of the living room. _Curtains? _Maybe there would be a view. I pushed them aside, hoping for a grand vista, but there was only the dense thick of the forest. Trees, trees and trees. It seemed that trees were all that Forks had to offer. Well, trees and overcast skies. It was no wonder that the coven I pursued was willing to remain here. It was nothing like my home in Volterra.

I felt something when I thought of my home in Italy. I knew that it was not comfort or affection. Rather, it was something closer to detached appreciation. In Volterra, every surface available to the eye was polished and buffed and scrubbed to perfection. If you desired, you could see your reflection in every material: every inch of marble, every face of crystal, every pane of glass. The fabrics were sinfully luxurious, even to our sensitive touch: the smoothest silk, the creamiest satin, the finest velvet. The opulence was overwhelming, a trick to entice the naïve, but even I had some small gratitude for it. Life was tedious enough, better at least that I have something beautiful to look at. I ran a light finger along the length of the curtain, immediately revolted at the grainy texture of the cloth. I let the piece of synthetic material fall from my hand as I stared out the window. I was secluded here, so I felt no need to shift my weight or force the human tendency of blinking. I remained immobile, for what may have been hours. It was only when I saw the light begin to break in streaks across the tops of the evergreens that I moved to close the curtains. I would not take the chance of being found, not even here in the empty, wild forest.

…………………………………………………………………………………………**.**

I wandered through the thicket of firs and cedars, careful not to touch more than was necessary. There was no trace of them yet; I had canvassed 20 square miles of forest. If they did not hunt close to their home, what was the point? I doubled my efforts and breathed in deeply. There was still no sign of them. If they had hunted here, it was long ago and any sign of them was surely washed away with the baptism of several rains. I turned toward the tamed side of the forest. It was closer to town and I was sure there was no game worth pursuing there, but I was out of options. I would venture further out tomorrow. I let myself travel naturally through the woodlands, smiling at the way my cold body responded to the speed, it was almost as if I was warm. I found fleeting satisfaction in the fact that I could always rely on the solitude and beauty of nature to save me from my own frustrations.

I paused at the trees' edge, a few hundred feet from where the sprawling, vibrant green died and the pallor of man's expansion began. There was a small cluster of buildings on the other side of the road. **Forks Diner** was carved into a sign that seemed to be hanging rather precariously from a wooden beam. I took a hesitant step toward the establishment, taking care to sift through the scents that mingled around me. Humans. _Only humans_. I walked toward the worn front door, already mimicking all the normal human behaviors that I had grown accustomed to. The door jingled as I forced it forward and I was met with the resounding enthusiasm of a small town welcome.

"Hello!"

"Welcome!"

"Come on it! Take a seat!"

I gave a small smile and did as I was told, taking a booth on the opposite side of the restaurant closest to the back door. It was better to be the forgettable, yet affable, newcomer rather than the unsettling and suspicious interloper. I slid into a booth near the back and tried to remain ignorant to the stares and the thoughts that were being thrown into my direction.

"Hiya, Honey! Can I get you something to drink?"

I looked up to see a rather gentle looking woman staring down at me with curiosity, her thoughts seemed to be of a relatively tame nature and I was immediately grateful. I could not say the same for the other women in the small restaurant. Some of the women were… particularly _graphic_ in their thoughts of me.

I cleared my throat, "Just some water for now, please?"

"Sure thing," she smiled as she handed me a menu, "take a second to look it over and I'll be right back!"

I pretended to peruse the pages as I scanned the thoughts of the humans around me. Of course, there were the predictable questions: _Who is he? Why is he here? Is school already out for the day? He looks so young._ But there were other things, less predictable things, too: _He looks just like those Cullens. Did Dr. Cullen adopt another kid?_

_Ahhhh, _I practically groaned to myself in realization, so the coven pretended they were a family. They were '_The Cullens'._ This time I really did sigh. _How mundane! How dreadfully human… _I knew so little about them, yet I was already unimpressed. Aro was willing to give me only the most basic facts. His old friend Carlisle had come to Forks and he and his new family were creating some problems for those of us that remained hidden in plain sight. He was adamant that I send word to Volterra the moment I found them. I had never seen him more insistent as he was then. I took the instructions to heart and interpreted his insistence as importance.

I thought nothing more of it at the time; I would not have given it a second thought were it not for their secrecy. They attempted to control their thoughts around me, to keep me from asking too many questions I suppose, but Caius had a moment of weakness. In that small faltering of resolve I saw that Aro had admitted this mission was too important to send a lesser vampire. Caius had argued with him ardently, claiming that I would be lost forever, but Aro was confident in my obedience. Aro knew me well too well, he knew that I would not come home without completing my task. Caius could not argue, I was the best that Volterra had seen in hundreds of years.

"Did you decide what you wanted, Hon?"

The woman with the genuine smile and the warm eyes was back at my side, placing a plastic cup filled with more ice than water in front of me.

"The meatloaf and mashed potatoes?"

I always opted for the food that I could dismantle and push around on my plate, it made it seem as if I ate more of it than I really did. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes had the added bonus of coming up more easily than some of the other choices on the menu.

"It's the house special! Made it myself!"

I smiled at the woman and mine was only slightly less genuine. I liked it when humans were easily pleased. It gave me faith that I was right in protecting them when I could.

"I'll take it."

"Meatloaf comin' up!"

I smirked at her unknowing play on my words. She didn't bother to scribble my order onto the pad of paper she held in her hand. She just gave me another grin and disappeared behind the counter to grab the handle of a coffee pot before yelling my order to someone in the kitchen. I had already learned more than I was expecting to, but I listened to the thoughts around me. The old men that seemed to be regulars in this place had already pushed me out of their minds, apparently they were used to seeing those who looked like me around the small town. It was odd, I had to admit, that these Cullens had worked their way into this town seamlessly enough that even my presence was unworthy of any particular concern. The men were already thinking of dinner and television programs, hunting season and nagging wives, all things that were inconsequential to me. I would not be getting any more information and I would not attempt to seek out any either, it was better that this small town think I was somehow affiliated with this coven. It would make it easier when we all disappeared.

I heard the scattering gravel outside and recognized it immediately as the sound of an arriving car. I tensed, prepared to vanish should the new visitors have tastes similar to mine. But why would they come here? It was doubtful that they would take their charade so far. The footsteps on the gravel of the driveway were uneven and quite unbalanced, it would have been strange yet ignorable were it not for the slightest beginnings of an ache in the back of my throat. I recognized that feeling; after all it was only a day since I had known the pain. I was stunned into stillness, bracing myself for the upcoming test on my emotions, cursing myself for my lack of foresight the entire time. I scanned the room for exits. There were several, but if I fled now it would only draw more attention, I would not be able to show myself in the town again. I drew up the collars of my coat, trying to hide myself, but it was already too late…

I gripped the edge of the chair, placing my hands under the constraints of my own thighs. My own personal straightjacket. I gulped down some air just as the front door flew open. I threw my eyes to the silverware on the table in front of me, trying desperately not to lose my composure.

"Hey Nadine!" the girl called out, "Is my order ready?"

"About 5 more minutes, Bells? Sorry," she apologized as she motioned toward the dining room, "we got a little busy…"

_Stupid woman! _I cursed, _Why are you drawing her attention this way?!_

I refused to look in the girl's direction as I remained immobile in my spot, maybe she had not seen me. Humans forgot things easily…

"No problem," she said nonchalantly as she took a seat at the counter, she seemed not to have noticed me, "I'll just…."

_DAMNIT!_

The way her voice trailed off into a whisper made me sure that she had seen me sitting here. Still, I could not look up at her to confirm my worst suspicions. I heard her push away from the counter as her unsteady feet tried to find the ground. In my peripheral vision I scanned every possible exit, but she was watching me now, were I to run there was no doubt in my mind it would only encourage her to pursue me further. I had no choice but to endure. It was torturous to simply wait for her arrival, slow even for a human's pace. She seemed to be deliberating with herself in every step. _Yes, _I urged her silently, _do not come over here. You will be sorry if you keep testing me…_

She reached my table despite my silent protests, though what she did next surprised me. She slid into the booth directly across from me, sliding her hands across the table and allowing them to fold in front of her. She seemed to be waiting for me to look up. I refused to make eye contact with her. Maybe she would get the hint. Every nerve ending on my body stood at full attention as she buzzed and vibrated all around me, her nervous energy was palpable. We remained there for a few moments, both of us completely aware of our mutual reluctance to acknowledge the other, and I shifted uncomfortably as the fire in my mouth scorched and licked at my lips. She cleared her throat and I could see her maneuver herself to get a better look at my face. She seemed to understand that I was studiously ignoring her.

"Excuse me?"

Apparently, ignoring her did not give her the message that I meant to convey. She seemed resolute in her mission to torture me.

"Yes?" I growled into the table, still refusing to look at her.

"Are you following me?"

My head shot up at a questionable speed, but if she noticed she did not show it. I could feel my features crunch in disbelief, yet I could not control my expression. All of my control was focused on not leaping across this measly table and killing her and everyone else in this restaurant.

"Follow you?!" I boomed, glaring at her finally, "Why would I do that?!"

I hoped that my eyes would burn into her at my first glance, but there was a small smirk on her face. At my growing irritation, the smirk seemed to grow into a small smile, then practically a grin. I grew more and more irate as finally the most delicate giggle escaped her lips. She was teasing me!! This ridiculous, infuriating, bothersome human girl was teasing me?!

The last breaths of her giggle ended with a smile on her lips, "I'm just kidding. But it is quite a coincidence that we're running into each other again. Forks isn't exactly a booming metropolis or anything…"

She hesitated as her voice began to rise into the familiar pitch of human nervousness, it was only in the silence that I heard the unconscious growling rumbling from my throat. I quickly stopped myself and she let herself continue, clearly more cautious and noticeably less cheery this time.

"… Well, I just wanted to come over and to thank you."

My head shot up again, this human girl was not reacting at all the way she should! It was so frustrating!

" I don't know how you knew or why you knew, but you were right and that guy in the alley in Port Angeles really did look like bad news…. And I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been there…"

As she continued on in her rambling speech of gratitude I tried to force my way into her thoughts, but it seemed impossible. Was her mind really that blank? It seemed impossible; she seemed far too introspective, much too emotive…. Even the most dimwitted creatures had an errant thought or two. Then it dawned on me and suddenly it was I who was the dimwit. I could not hear _her_. Of course! I wanted to slam my head into the table at my own stupidity. It was not her panic or my overwhelming desire to kill her that distracted me from her thoughts before. I was simply deaf to her! I looked to her face and suddenly I was the inquisitive one, this had never happened before. I had always been able to hear the thoughts of whomever I wished.

"… But I really am glad that you were. And you just ran off the other day before I had a chance to thank you… And…"

She stopped mid-sentence again, obviously noticing the change in my demeanor. I stared at her as she sat there in front of me, now she was the silent one, and my eyes were not kind. They were not feral as they had been before, but they were not welcoming either. I tried again to penetrate her mind, just to make certain, and again there was nothing. We sat staring at one another, trying to ascertain what the other was thinking, though clearly neither of us would find any answers. I fought off the burning desire to have her and tried to analyze her face as if it would give me some kind of insight into why she was silent. Maybe she was not human… I felt the muted burning sensation mingle with the air trapped in my lungs and immediately disregarded that hypothesis. If she was not human, how could she possibly tempt me this way. She chanced a small smile at me again and I could not bear it. Why did she keep smiling at me? Why was she unafraid? Why couldn't I hear her? Why do our paths keep crossing? All questions with no hope for an answer.

The insistence of a car's horn sounded as the waitress, Nadine apparently, called to the girl.

"Bells, you're order is ready!"

The girl scooted out of the booth, her gaze still holding mine, her mouth still tight with a small smile.

"Will I see you again….?"

She trailed off one final time as she waited for me to say my name. And again, for what felt like the millionth time when it came to this girl, I did what I should not have done. My mouth answered automatically, as if it had no choice.

"Edward." I said succinctly, though the confusion was surely written all over my face.

"Edward," she repeated, nodding to herself.

She turned her back to me as she grabbed a few rumpled bills from her back pocket. She handed them to the woman behind the counter and reached for the paper bags waiting for her. I traced her lithe figure after I noted there was enough food for two. I looked to the honking car outside as she made her way to the door. _**Forks Police**__, _the side of the car read. The man behind the steering wheel was staring at me inquisitively. I nodded to him, not quite with a smile but not a grimace. He nodded back and something must have caught his attention then because he was bringing the mouthpiece of a two-way radio to his face.

"I guess I'll see you around then, Edward?" She was staring at me again, waiting.

I shrugged, still confused by this girl and her strange behavior.

She nodded at me in the way that the man in the police cruiser had. So they did have similarities then, he must have been her father. The horn sounded again as she waited for my response and when it was clear that I would not give her one to her liking, she gave an odd huff of impatience.

"Well," she finished, "I'm sure I will if you plan on staying. Forks is a small town."

I shrugged noncommittally as the waitress brought my order and placed it in front of me, but not before glancing between this Bella girl and I with a strange look.

The girl waited with her hand on the door for another split-second, "The meatloaf's good here. You'll like it. Bye Edward."

"Goodbye, Bella."

A flash of satisfaction swept across her face and just as smoothly she was out the door, her step slightly more buoyant than it had been when she arrived.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

It was well into night when I finished my reconnaissance mission into town, I waited until I was sure the people of Forks would be tucked into bed. I must have been searching for hours before I finally found traces of the Cullens on the South side of the forest, closest to the high school. After being tipped off earlier in the day at the diner, the high school seemed the most logical place to search for confirmation that they did actually reside in this town. The smell of another vampire was strong for our kind, more potent than the smell of any particular human. _Well, except for the girl…_

_That damn girl again!_ All day I could not force her out of my head. And it was not just the idea of tasting her either! It was everything: Her odd behavior, her lack of fear, the way she carried herself, her blank mind. The vast nothingness of her thoughts was the worst part of it all! After the initial confusion of being unable to hear her wore off, I was angry. Angry that my gift, the gift that made me the most special in Volterra and nearly invincible in battle, was useless when it came to this girl. This fact coupled with the unbridled desire for her was nearly enough to shunt my self-imposed dietary restrictions and feed on her, if only to give myself a final answer to all the questions I would never be able to ask her.

I felt restless and without the distractions that Volterra could offer, I had no other choice but to run. I knew that I could not exhaust myself this way, but at the very least I would allow myself some small pleasure. I pulled open a window in the back room of my temporary home, not bothering with the door. After all, who could possibly see me?

The branches of hundred-year-old trees folded and cracked against my body as I ran as fast as I could, but I could barely feel the brush of them as I passed. I let the cool air fill my lungs and listened to the forest as I ran, the sound of my even breath and my light footsteps on the untouched earth being the only breaks in the silence. I ran in the direction that I had not already surveyed. I had not bothered before as it seemed to be close enough to the main roads while still being out of the way. The other vampires that lived the way the Cullens did never chose to live so close to humans, I had to assume this coven was the same.

I reached a corner of the forest, it could not have been more than 2 or 3 miles, and I was surprised at the proximity to my own 'home'. I was told that it would be secluded. _Well, _I mused, _I suppose 2 or 3 miles is secluded in human terms._ Through the break in the trees I could see the stark white that was unnatural in the forest. _Humans._ I took tentative steps forward, instantly more cautious though I knew nobody would be watching. Satisfied with the stillness of the houses around me, just a small street of 5, I inched even closer still. Partially hidden behind a tree, I took in the row of houses just across the small residential road. I always envied the humans that chose to have quiet lives the way the people in these houses must have had, why else would they chose to remain in this small town? The people that lived here must have had an appreciation for simplicity. Most humans always seemed to over-complicate things. I never understood it. Did they not understand the transience of their own existence? That their lives were simply a stitch or a knot in the vast fabric of humanity? The way that most panicked and fretted over every minute detail was nearly laughable. So, yes, I envied the ones that took life as it came. The ones that spent their lives loving completely and appreciating the small things, it was a perspective I knew I would never be able have.

I was a moment from turning back into the forest when the small tingle of desire scratched at the back of my throat. My hand clenched around the tree at my side and flecks of sawdust floated past me through the air. _The girl._ It was the only logical explanation for that too familiar sensation. I inhaled and exhaled carefully, knowing that she was too far from me safely tucked away in one of those houses, but still wanting to be cautious. I could not fathom why the universe kept throwing us together in this way! It was infuriating! I ran and ran and ran from her and still there she was! Everywhere I went! But it was all intriguing... Too intriguing.

I walked along the short block, safely hidden across the street in the trees. I stopped at the first house and inhaled. No this was not it, the irritation remained the same. I walked a little more quickly to the second, begging my feet to stop. No, not this one. Then the third, and now I was begging myself to go faster. I was at the fourth now and the scent was still weak. So it was the fifth then. The girl with the siren's blood and the blank mind lived in the last house on the sleepy country street, away from the town, with only one house of neighbors to hear her scream…I leapt into a tree that framed the far side of the yard, it was partially obscured from the other houses and it hung perfectly over the second-floor windows. Hers was the first room I looked into. I flung myself from the tree onto the roof, and was still able to land with nearly no sound.

"Bella…" her name came out in a whisper as I reached toward her open window.

……………………………………………………………………………………**.**

**I hate this chapter. Read and review, please? Hopefully it'll get better? **_**Sigh.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is Bella's POV, so if it feels a bit different from the rest of the story then that's a good sign b/c it was intended. If it doesn't, well then … Oops?**

**BellaPOV**

I closed my eyes and leaned into the padded headboard. The rhythm in my chest was going a mile a minute. I knew this feeling, I had had it before, it was like waking up from a bad dream, but different. It was like I couldn't remember the dream but I knew I didn't want to wake up. My entire body was humming, was I still dreaming? Frustrated with myself, I opened my eyes and scanned the room ticking off all the familiarities. My desk, my books, a few pieces of clothing folded over the back of a chair. It was all exactly the same as it was when I had gone to bed. I had been having trouble sleeping for over two weeks now, since that night in the alley in Port Angeles. It was strange, because whenever I woke up it wasn't like I was scared, which admittedly I should have been, but something else… I couldn't place it. I brought a hand to my face, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, and the foreign coldness of my own skin surprised me. I gathered the blanket pooled at my waist and pulled it over my shoulders noticing the open window.

"No wonder…" I mumbled to myself.

I got up, not even attempting to quiet my bumbling footsteps on the hardwood floor. Charlie wouldn't wake up. I could probably have a kegger with half the school in the living room and he'd still sleep like a baby. I leaned out of the window to pull it shut, but stopped immediately, my heart picking up speed. I blinked once and it was gone, but I swear I saw it. A retreating figure, more of a blur than a body… I blinked my eyes a few more times… Was I imagining things? I tried to peer past the rows of trees across the street, but like always at night, I could only see one or two rows in… It wasn't much better during the daytime either.

I felt a chill crawl up my spine and I scolded myself almost instantaneously. I was doing it again, letting my over-active imagination get away with me. Moving to Forks was making me paranoid. There was something that irked me about that forest. Maybe it was all of those years living in Phoenix. You could stare into forever in the vast deserts of Phoenix; she didn't have any secrets. But not in Forks…No, certainly not in Forks. In Forks, everything seemed like one big secret. I sighed and trudged back over to my bed grabbing a book off the floor on the way. Sleep would be futile now. _4:55am_ the clock read, I would have to be up for school in a little over an hour anyway. I settled into the pillows and flicked on the light, feeling strangely calm. I smirked, even with all the broken hearts and bloodied bodies I could always trust the world of fiction and fantasy to calm my worried nerves.

……………………………………………………………………………………**..**

"You promise, Bella? You promise you're coming to La Push?"

I gave a withering glance to Angela, but it was the wrong choice. She was begging me to agree with that silent look of desperation I had come to know and not always love. She nodded subtly behind her and I didn't have to look to see whom she was referring to._ Ben._ I was beginning to be irritated with Ben on principle. If he didn't know that Angela was into him by now then the boy was deaf, dumb or blind. I knew it wasn't the first, and for Angela's sake I was hoping it wasn't the second, so maybe it was the third. She was definitely the most likeable of all my new friends here in Forks and it wasn't the first time I'd done something I wouldn't have otherwise for her sake, but I wasn't sure if I could take a 6th day in a row with Mike. I'd only been in Forks for about two months, but he was quickly becoming my second shadow.

"Bella? Are you listening?"

I gave him a tight smile to placate him for my upcoming refusal, but Angela seemed to notice my sudden resolve and plastered on an even more pathetic face of shameless pandering.

"Suuuuuure, Mike. Why not?"

A genuinely pleased look came over him and I saw Jessica bristle out of the corner of my eye. I didn't want to fan the fire, so I gave him a less-than-enthusiastic smile before turning away. I sighed and grabbed Angela's forearm, pulling her close to me as I rushed the two of us into the parking lot.

"Well, we gotta go… " I called behind myself, dragging us away.

I lied easily having stayed back with Angela who was making up a quiz she had missed the week before. She needed a ride home and I was an infinitely better choice than Jessica. Angela and I had an understanding about these things.

"You owe me!' I hissed to her as soon as we were out of earshot.

"Thank you, Bells!" she squealed, clapping her hands together as she let me drag her to our cars, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

I grimaced slightly as I focused on the ground, being extra careful since I was lugging an extra body behind me.

"Wow," Angela breathed suddenly, "Who is _that?_"

I looked up into the direction she seemed to be speaking to and my spirits rose at the sound of her voice. That wistful tone was usually reserved for Ben, the idea that someone other than him might catch her attention had me suddenly gleeful. Maybe this would mean less forced interaction with Mike Newton. I scanned the nearly empty parking lot before my eyes caught sight of him. He was leaning against a tree scanning the parking lot idly before his eyes met mine. He looked almost… _sinister_. My stomach dropped as her tall, lanky frame crashed over mine.

"Urgh, Bella! Walk!" Angela urged, "He _already_ saw me staring. But God, how could I not? Is he new?"

"I---"

I was aware on some level that my feet had stopped and my mouth had probably dropped open and I was blatantly staring, but I couldn't stop myself.

"Bella! He's _staring _at you."

"I—Uh---"

"Do you know him?" she hissed at me.

"Yes… I mean, no…. I mean, kind of?"

"What does that even mean? Kind of?"

I knew we were both moving now. It must have been her effort more than mine.

"I mean," I continued not sure how much to reveal, "I've met him before, but I don't think I can say I actually know him… His name is Edward?"

My statement ended in a high-pitched question not because I wasn't sure of his name, but because he seemed to be walking in our direction.

"Shit!" Angela said, stepping into my path, effectively blocking my view of Edward, "Okay, he's coming over here. Bella, don't be weird!"

"What?!" I demanded as my heart continued in double-time, "What are you talking about, Angela?"

"You," she said accusingly, "have a tendency to be dismissive of boys that give you attention."

"I do n—"

"--Yes, you do."

"Excuse me, Bella?"

His voice was the most beautiful mixture of velvet and gravel, smooth and melodious, but with some kind of rough finishing. Angela was still facing me, her back to Edward and she gave me a quick look before she nodded slightly back in the direction of Mike Newton and the others.

"No." I hissed immediately, too quietly for him to hear, "I'll take you home. Wait for me."

She rolled her eyes before turning around, coming to stand at my side. My view of Edward was unimpeded now and on his face I read something else. Not quite a smirk, but I think it may have been amusement.

"Edward," I said surprised, "What are you doing here?"

His eyes were focused on Angela, he gave her a quick once-over and gave the smallest shrug. It was almost as if he was disregarding her presence with that look. It was slightly rude to be honest.

"This is my friend, Angela," I said, stopping my own line of questioning.

"Angela," he repeated, nodding to himself just once.

"Hi," she breathed.

He answered her with a grunt before he was back at me with a penetrating glare; all traces of amusement were gone now.

"Where are you going?" he asked abruptly, as if he had every right to know the answer.

"Home," I answered succinctly.

"And you?" he asked Angela," Don't you have a home to go to?"

" I – Uh—"

"Surely that wasn't a difficult question," he interrupted rudely, frustrated with her lack of an immediate response, "It is either a 'yes' or a 'no'."

"Edward," I interrupted quickly, "Don't be rude."

He raised an eyebrow before growing silent, though it seemed less of an attempt to placate me as much as it seemed he just had nothing left to say. He looked between the two of us expectantly, waiting for one of us to continue.

"Sorry," I apologized immediately to Angela, "He's rude sometimes."

"Don't apologize on my behalf, _Isabella_," he eyed me as he ground out the words.

"Don't give me a reason to, _Edward_."

The three of us grew awkwardly silent again and I, for one, had no idea where to chart the course of this conversation. He was here, wasn't he? He must have wanted something? But what was with the attitude?

"You eat," he said suddenly.

It wasn't a question, so I made no attempt to answer him. I just stood there staring at him confused as I inched closer and closer to Angela.

"Well?" he asked impatiently.

"Of course I eat."

"Do you feel like eating now?"

"Umm, well…" I wasn't quite sure what to say.

He couldn't possibly be asking _me _out on a date. It was impossible. I'll be the first to admit I didn't have much experience when it came to dating, but I was positive that this was not the way to go about it even if I did think he might have the smallest shred of interest in me. I looked at Angela, pleading with her silently as she always did to me, but before she could answer he interrupted us again.

"No," he said with finality in his tone, "Not her. Just you."

Angela cleared her throat with surprise and started to pull away from the two of us, but I reached out to grab her arm before she could get too far. I wasn't sure if I was completely comfortable with the idea of being alone with him. He seemed more tense today, which was no small feat considering our last two meetings.

"Excuse me?" I questioned automatically.

"I didn't ask her if she ate. I asked you."

"Yes, I heard you, but –"

"Fine," he stated, giving no indication of disappointment or surprise.

He turned on his heel and began to walk in the direction of the trees. I wanted to call to him, not necessarily to accept his invitation, but moreso to ask him if he was always so unpleasant.

"Bella, you can go… I mean, if you want to… I really don't mind, I swear."

"No, it's… I don't want to."

"Are you sure? I can walk home from here, it's not far…"

"No, really, I don't."

As I watched his retreating form I knew that my previous statement was a complete and utter lie. To say he was intriguing was an understatement of epic proportions. Everyday over the past two weeks I had thought about him to some degree. I couldn't help it. He was unbearably handsome. Long and lean and muscular and with perfectly smooth, radiant skin, which was strange, because he was obviously dark, tortured and brooding. His brow was heavy with something, maybe the constant warring of morals or maybe a haunted past, it could have been anything… But good God, he was handsome.

…But it was more than that. Even from a distance I could see his confidence – no, his conceit – was genuine. The way he carried himself was with a certain air, like nobility, so secure in its own class and status that it need not exaggerate its posture. The abrasive behavior he displayed only a few moments ago reinforced this observation. He didn't bother with superfluous words of courtesy or custom. He focused only on what he wanted and felt entitled to have and when he didn't get what he desired immediately it was already forgotten because nothing was worth a second thought.

… But he had his redeeming quality, too. For now, I only knew one, but it was enough. He was pure of heart. He had to be. Otherwise he wouldn't have saved me that night in the alley. Just that one redeeming quality was all it took…

"Go…" a voice urged at my side.

_Angela._ I had forgotten she was there.

"Bella, go…" she urged again, this time pushing at my shoulder, "I'll catch a ride with Jessica, her car is still here. She hasn't left yet."

"No, I shouldn't… He's kind of …" I hesitated, not knowing what sort of word to use. I couldn't be too harsh, he saved me from god-only-knows-what in the alley…

"—Hot, " Angela interrupted.

"No, that's not what I was going to say."

"No, he's not hot?" she raised an eyebrow over the rim of her tortoise shell glasses.

"I didn't say that."

"Well, then go… He's not going to like… Kill you in the woods or anything?"

"No, he wouldn't. He's actually sort of… Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah," I said, watching his retreating form grow smaller and smaller, "… he's a decent human being, I mean."

"And how, Bella, do you know that?"

I chewed at my bottom lip and knew that if he got any further, I would lose my nerve.

"Are you sure that you can catch a ride with Jessica?"

"Yes, Bella. Just go."

I shot a look of surrender over my shoulder as I stumbled in his general direction.

"Call me when you get home!" she called after me, laughing, "Just so I know you made it back in one piece…"

He was so far away now, god he walked fast, and well into the forest before I thought I was even remotely within earshot. I glanced behind me one last time before crossing the threshold into the wild unknown, Angela was motioning me forward with her hands, and I knew it was now or never. I drew in a breath, feeling the untamed earth under my feet, and called out his name as I chased after him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Edward!" I called after him," Hey! Wait!"

He was still walking, but he answered almost immediately.

"Are you sure you want to follow me in here? You might not make it back in one piece," he said sarcastically.

I was surprised at the coincidence of his comment. And it had to be a coincidence, there was _no way_ he could have heard Angela before. We were all the way across the parking lot and she was a soft-spoken girl, her voice didn't carry all that much.

"I-I trust you."

He stopped just as he was jumping over a fallen tree trunk and he seemed to pause in midair. He turned quickly from his raised perch and eyed me with what I assumed was amusement.

"So soon?" he questioned, rolling his eyes.

"Do I have a reason not to?"

"None that I've given you, I suppose."

"And what does that mean?"

He shrugged before turning back around on the log. He seemed as if might continue walking, like maybe he was already uninterested with me, but he whirled back around. He scowled down at me and I stared back at him, wide-eyed I'm sure.

"So are you, then?"

"Am I what?" I asked timidly.

"Hungry."

Apparently his cold shoulder and the scowl on his face were not accurate predictors for his behavior. He was making me feel seriously inadequate at normal human interaction. Though I followed him into the forest, and I was the one that initiated the second part of our conversation, I still wasn't entirely sure if I should accept. He was being downright boorish, giving me every reason in the book to decline his invitation, but there it was again… That lone reason that I knew I should. I should have known better, but my mind was made up the second I saw him standing there in the parking lot…

"I could eat, I guess? But only if you were …"

I stammered over the words and for some reason I felt like I was the one inviting him somewhere, which was incredibly stupid, because he had already asked. Twice. He raised an eyebrow and I knew he could see the beginning of the blush staining my cheeks.

I forced myself to finish the sentence, "I mean, are you hungry?"

A wolfish grin spread across his face as he answered and a cold chill ran down my spine. It was the first time I had ever seen him smile.

"Starving."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"So when you said you were starving? You actually meant you weren't at all hungry."

"No."

"You didn't order anything, " I shot at him.

"What I want isn't on the menu," he easily shot back.

I huffed with frustration but shoveled an acre of salad into my mouth; at least it was easier than talking. He wasn't willing to give me even the smallest inch of progress when it came to him. We walked from school to the diner in tense silence, we sat down and waited wordlessly, I ordered and now here we were. Silent, yet again.

"Do you want some of mine?" I asked politely.

"It doesn't look very appetizing."

"So you're a meat and potatoes type of guy, I take it?"

He shrugged, seemingly amused by simple assumption.

"You're a vegetarian?"

Apparently the way my voice went up at the end of the sentence gave him no inclination to answer. The way he picked and chose which questions to respond to and which to ignore was infuriating. Based on my rough estimation, I would assume that he was at about a 70% answer rate. Barely passing. Barely bearable.

"You don't like salad? "

He shrugged at my question, but he only looked at me for a second before he turned away. The silence was back and I was tired of competing with it, so instead I took the time to analyze him. I was beginning to mentally compile a running list of all the things about him that I found perplexing, the least of which being that he didn't like salad. He sought me out, but now that I was here he didn't seem the least bit interested in me. He seemed to have disciplined posture and impeccable manners when it came to things like opening doors and saying please and thank you to the wait staff, but he had the bad attitude of a juvenile delinquent. He was obviously troubled, not entirely nice, maybe even emotionally stunted based on his evasiveness, but how could he be? This internal monologue made all those niggling little questions resurface and they were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Why did you come back for me that night in Port Angeles? How did you get away from them? What are you doing in Forks? How did you find me? _Why_ did you find me?"

He answered so quickly that it caught me off guard. I was certain the answers to my questions would come in the form of another shrug or a wordless grunt.

"Because those men were dangerous. Because I'm dangerous. Looking for some old friends. There's only one high school for 30 miles. I don't know."

I eagerly opened my mouth to continue my line of questioning, if he was this willing to answer, I wasn't going to stop now…

"Wh---"

"No."

"But—" I protested.

"You got 5 answers, now I get 5 answers."

"This isn't a swap meet, if you want to know something you don't have to trade me for it," I snapped at him, surprised at my shortage of patience.

He nodded once, "Good to know."

He took a moment to think, occasionally letting his gaze drift back to my own as he slowly traced the grain of the wooden tabletop with his fingertip.

"Where are you from?"

Apparently he wasn't the brightest bulb in the box. It took him that long to think of that question? I guess, subconsciously, I had expected him to have some deep and insightful soul. Something inside of me was deflating slowly. Taking the place of my lofty expectations was something else… What was it? Oh, that was disappointment.

I sighed, "Well, I live on the other side of town. No more than 10 minutes from here, over by the---"

He shook his head with a furrowed brow, "No. That's not what I meant."

I looked at him expectantly as he did the same. The silence was back again, I guess this was going to be a threesome. I cringed at the suggestiveness of my own internal statement. _Get it together, Bella. As if you have a chance with him…_

I broke first, he always seemed so content to wait.

"I have no idea what you mean."

"Before you lived here, before Forks. Where were you from before you were from here?"

"But how did you know—?"

"You aren't at ease here, that much is easy to see. Even with my…" he trailed off, pausing to think of the right words, "… limited knowledge."

I perked up a little. _So he wasn't stupid…_

"I moved here a few months ago. From Phoenix."

"What's in Phoenix?"

"Sand. Lots of it."

I chanced a smile at my joke, but he didn't even crack a smirk.

"My Mother," I said begrudgingly, "My Mother is in Phoenix. I used to be in Phoenix with her."

"Why did you leave?"

"She just got remarried, her and my Dad split up when I was pretty young."

I focused on pushing a cherry tomato around my plate while I waited for the next question. I was trying to keep my answers short on purpose, I was sure that I was far more interested in him than he was in me. As long as I kept the answers short and vague, he would have to keep wasting his questions on follow-ups. I was counting in my head; he had already used three.

He cleared his throat and my head shot up immediately. He was staring at me with an irritated look on his face.

"That can't be the only reason. You aren't happy here."

"How do you know I not happy there?"

"I'm not completely certain. But if you think that I'm going to waste chance asking the same question, then you are mistaken."

The smallest smile tugged at my lips and I bit down to keep it from spreading. So he was a thinker then. Apparently the answer to this question was important enough that his prodding was a conscious effort.

He cleared his throat again before giving me a scowl. I laughed and it surprised both of us.

"My Mom always said that if you keep making faces like that, it'll freeze that way."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you ever smile?"

"Your answer," he growled.

I laughed again and if it was out of nerves or genuine amusement, I wasn't sure. He was taking all of this so seriously, I couldn't imagine why. It felt more like some kind of formal interview rather than anything else. I waited for another long moment as I examined the contours of his face. His features were angular and classically handsome: Strong, high cheekbones that were offset by a delicate nose and full lips, perfect eyebrows and the smoothest alabaster skin. His eyes were searing into me, uncharmed by my evasiveness, and black as night. Yet not a flat black, smooth like glass. No, they seemed tormented, the way the ocean looks black at night, but looking closely you could see the ripple of every wave.

"_Isabella_," he warned me again, growling.

Ah, yes. He was waiting for me to expand on my answer.

I bulldozed through my explanation without lifting my eyes from the tabletop, " My Mom and Dad had me when they were pretty young. They were never right for each other, but they tried for a while, for my sake. It's better that they're apart," I nodded to myself, before finishing.

"Phil makes my Mom happy. She loves him and he's good to her and that's all that matters, I guess."

I shrugged my shoulders and finally looked up at him, but the familiar scowl was still firmly in place.

"That still doesn't explain _why _you left, if they didn't make you."

I pulled my hands away from the tabletop and ran a frustrated hand through my hair, "Okay, now I really don't know what you mean. I'm not trying to be evasive this time, I swear."

"You liked your life better there."

"I've only been here for two months, Edward. Maybe after a few m---"

"Did you?"

"Yes, of course I did!" I tore my hand away from my hair and it landed on the table with a thud, "I had friends there! And my Mom to talk to! There was sun and sand and a million colors that weren't… GREEN!"

The hand that had just landed on the table was immediately covering my mouth and I stared at him with wide eyes. Where had that outburst come from? Why was I yelling?

The scowl had finally disappeared and he looked at me appraisingly.

"So then," he pressed on, "Why did you leave?"

I had come to the decision to leave Phoenix months ago, and it wasn't a difficult decision to make. No, if fact it was easy. I knew that I wasn't going to like it here, I knew that I would miss everything about Phoenix, I knew that I would miss my Mom and the sun and the familiarity of everything… and still it wasn't a hard choice. But here, today, it seemed like an impossible thing to explain. Yet, I wanted to. I didn't know quite why, but I wanted to explain everything to this scowling, confusing, frustrating boy sitting in front of me. So I tried…

"Everyone deserves to be in love, I guess. My Mom loved my Dad, I think, maybe for a little while… But she wasn't happy in the end. My Dad loved her more than she loved him, enough to let her go, and so we left. Phil makes her happy. And she needed to be… _free_."

"Free from you?" he asked.

"I don't know… Free to just…be in love I guess? Free to be in love recklessly and passionately and without having to worry about anything else but the other person… Just _free._"

I looked up at him and shrugged. He seemed to be waiting for me to go on, but when I didn't he asked another question. Finally, he was satisfied with my answer.

"Why did you differentiate between the two?"

"Between the two what?"

"Love and happiness. Aren't they the same? A logical person would assume that if a person was in love, then they would ultimately be happy."

"We both know that isn't true," I sighed wistfully, "Sometimes love is torture. And my Mom has the chance to have love and happiness at the same time. What kind of person would I be if I denied her that simply for my own comfort?"

It was a rhetorical question, but he answered anyway.

"Human," he said simply, "you would be human."

His ears seemed to perk up, the way a dog's did, and he was already putting his wallet back into his pocket before I realized that he had decided that I was finished eating.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Goodnight, Dad!"

"Night, Bells…"

As I heard the volume on the TV rise, I knew that he'd be in bed within the hour. He always turned the volume up when I came to my room for the night, trying to convince himself that he wasn't tired, but like clockwork he always turned in right around midnight.

I shut the door softly and leaned against it, closing my eyes. I exhaled slowly, drawing out my breath until my chest went slack and my shoulders sagged. I just needed a second to breathe… Since I had arrived home earlier this evening I hadn't had even a moment to myself. It seemed as soon as I walked through the front door of my house, Charlie was arriving and since I had been out with Edward all afternoon, I had a late start on dinner. I was noticeably tense, which wasn't saying much, and Charlie was uncharacteristically chatty… And observant. I had barely put his pork chop down on the table before he felt the need to ask me if something was wrong. Of course I told him it was nothing. What could I have possibly said? _Yeah Dad, some mysterious, gorgeous, roughneck boy saved me from impending doom in an alley in Port Angeles, showed up in Forks a day later and then waited for me after school in an empty parking two weeks after that just so that he could be rude to me while I ate a salad?! _

I collapsed into my bed in frustration, kicking the shoes off my feet in the process. I knew that I should have changed out of my clothes before I either got too lazy or sleep crept up on me, but I couldn't find the will. I shimmied further up my bed, the comforter bunching in a pile at my feet, until my back came to rest on the headboard.

_What was wrong with him?_

I just couldn't figure it out. And he wasn't helping any. After the abrupt end of our conversation at the diner, he just walked me back to my car in silence and left. That's it. He just left. No goodbye, no explanation, no nothing. I replayed the scene over in my head and it was like grasping at straws. I vaguely remember asking him something along the lines of whether or not I would see him again and apparently that was just another question he wasn't willing to answer. So I had to assume that his silence should be taken as a definite no.

_Bella, you tried to be nice to him … You said thank you… What else can you really do?_

I felt guilty, though I knew there was no reason to be. I just felt like… Maybe I could have tried harder. I sighed, grabbing a pillow from behind me as I turned on my side. The clock showed an hour that was still a bit early for bed, so I grabbed the closest book I could find. I didn't bother to check the title, I knew every book in my room all too well. The answer would be upon me the moment I opened to the first page.

**Two households, both alike in dignity,**

**In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, **

**From ancient grudge to new mutiny, **

**Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.**

_Great, just what I need… A romantic tragedy._

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"So what happened yesterday?"

Angela and I were walking out of the building after our 7th period class. It was now or never. I had been avoiding her questions all day, partly because I knew that she would read more into his presence than I'm sure was intended and partly because I still couldn't wrap my head around the entire ordeal. All she needed to know was that he came, he subjected me to some awkward conversation, and now he was gone.

"I don't know, Ang," I sighed, "We went to the diner and that's pretty much it, I guess. He asked me some questions about where I was from. Boring small talk. And that's it. Really."

"Really?" she asked with raised eyebrows, "I find that hard to believe."

"Well, it's the truth."

I focused on the patterns of cracked concrete at my feet as I trudged along at her side.

"Did he pay?"

"Hm?" I asked, looking up at her, her voice seemed unnecessarily optimistic.

"Did he pay, Bella! For lunch?"

"Yeah, I guess. It wasn't like a date or anything," I scoffed, "Angela, come on…"

"Come on what, Bella?"

"As if a guy like _that_ would take me out on a date…"

"Well would you go out with him again?" she asked, growing even more excited still.

"Angela…What are you talking about it. It's not like that. I , um, know him from before… Kind of."

"Answer the question, Bella."

"I don't know," I hedged, "I mean… He _was _kind of weird, I guess. And rude… He was pretty rude."

"Be—"

"I don't know, Angela! Geez, really… It's not like it matters. I'm never going to see him again."

She laughed, stopping abruptly to toy with my hair, while giving my overall appearance an appraising look.

"Angela, wha—" I struggled to bat her hands away from my head, but her height was a clear advantage.

"Well, Bella… I'm not so sure about you never seeing him again."

"What are you talking about? Why?"

She sidestepped from in front of me, motioning to her side with a loaded glance. My heart picked up speed in my chest as her teasing smile confirmed a new and particular form of anxiety.

He was standing against my truck, ignoring the glares and whispers of the inquisitive female population of Forks high school. He seemed to be particularly occupied today, his eyes were trained on the westernmost gate of the school from where the majority of the students left. Angela and I had 7th period gym and the girl's locker room was conveniently located near the eastern gate. He looked tense. Vigilant, even. I wanted to admire him for a moment, positive that he hadn't seen us yet, but he locked eyes with me the moment I seemed to notice him. He made at attempt to call me over by way of an impatient hand gesture.

"Well, I better go see what he wants."

"Should I wait for you?" Angela asked with a smile that made me believe she already knew the answer.

"I'll be fine. I'll call you later."

She nudged me with a teasing elbow before veering off into the opposite direction of the parking lot, probably to look for Jessica.

"Hi Edward!" she called behind her as she skipped off to the crowd of liberated students.

I could barely hear it, it was so faint, but it was there.

"Hi Angela," he mumbled at the ground.

She turned toward me so that he could not see and gave me a huge grin and a thumbs up.

I could have strangled her if she wasn't the only real friend I had at this school.

I reached him quickly, and miraculously, without incident. He spoke first, which was surprising.

"So…."

"So…" I answered hesitantly.

"…. Hungry?"

There was no point in avoiding it. My curiosity already had the best of me. I threw my backpack into the bed of my ratty old truck and turned to face him.

"Well, Edward," I began, "As a matter of fact, I'm starving."

……………………………………………………………………………………………**..**

**And there you have it. It's long. I'm sorry. I'll try to keep from doing that in the future.**

**Read and review, please? It made this chapter pop up faster, didn't it? XX**


	6. Chapter 6

**EdwardPOV**

"Well Edward, as a matter of fact, I'm starving."

She was smiling at me, expecting me to acknowledge her reference to my comment yesterday, but I ignored it. It wasn't a joke to me. It was a very real, very painful reminder of what might happen to her if my conscience faltered even for a moment. And the pain was literal, even now after having spent hours in her presence, the threat of the thirst bounded onward and upward with no promise of ceasing.

"Shall we?" I motioned her toward the empty side of the street, eager to get out of sight.

I was hyper-vigilant in my constant assessment of the environment. I knew it was dangerous to keep engaging with the human girl and I had tried, with vain attempts, to stop_. _The self-loathing that I felt after that first night in her room was unique. Unlike the guilt that accompanied my hunger pains, it was only nearly enough to stop me from going to her the second night. It wasn't until after the fourth morning, just before daybreak, that I was able to give the unknown emotion a label. It was shame.

Usually my seduction to the feminine form was less informed by such intricacies as personality or charm, not that I had much experience, but nevertheless, to actually know her was proving to be an unexpected complication. For two weeks I followed her through the small town, seeing her in the minds of those around her, hearing her words, watching her movements. And at night I stole into her bedroom, the one place that should have been her safe haven, but was more dangerous to her than the most treacherous corners of the earth.

"Sure." She agreed to my request in an easy tone, but her heart played a different song.

I cleared my throat, "Do I make you nervous?"

She hesitated, but I knew she would not lie. She rarely lied. And never for her own self-interest.

"It's not that you make me _nervous_," she said slowly as she toed at loose gravel, "I think it's more that you're –"

"—Scary." It wasn't my intention to feed her the words and I cringed the moment I realized what I had said, but thankfully she did not accept my suggestion.

"No. Not scary." She said it so resolutely than I nearly believed her, "_Mysterious_."

She laughed a little at the way she over-pronounced the word.

"Isn't that just a euphemism for scary?"

"No. If I meant scary, I would have said scary."

And this time I really did believe her. She said things so plainly that I had no other choice. I trailed alongside her, wanting desperately to fall into an easy stride.

"Would you like to eat at the diner?"

She paused to look up at me, her tawny-brown eyes sparkling with amusement despite the overcast skies. She seemed delighted at the question and I was so self-satisfied. How dare such an innocent girl be a menace on my self-control!

"You're actually asking nicely?" she mused, "Wow."

The self-satisfaction deflated in my posture and I regarded her benignly, noticing for the first time my own change in demeanor through her gentle teasing. It was never my intention to be rude to the girl, but I was still not convinced of what I expected from our interaction. I was sure that I didn't _want_ to kill her, but not completely certain that I _wouldn't_. It was unfair to keep subjecting her to this secret game of Russian roulette without her consent, and then to be rude to her on top of it? The shame returned two-fold.

"I can be… Abrupt." I explained," It's a natural evolution of my behavior as an unconditioned reflex response to my environment."

"Science as an explanation for rudeness, huh? I've never heard that one before."

"I _am_ sorry."

She brushed against me playfully with her shoulder, her ease at my side shocking me.

"I was kidding, Edward."

"Oh."

She laughed again. I clenched my teeth to keep from demanding why. It seemed that being with her was merely an exercise of one form of discipline over another. If I was not fighting with every ounce of self-determination I had not to feed on her, then I was holding back the barrage of questions that I was desperate to ask. After years of willing the fates for a few moments of silence in my mind, I found myself wanting to be able to hear someone now more than ever.

"The diner sounds great."

"Okay," I responded lamely.

We reached the diner quickly, as the main street and the high school were more or less the same block of buildings, and I reached forward to open the door for her. She swept past me and her scent invaded my senses with a new cruelty. _May as well get used to it. You must be more of a masochist than you thought._

"Hey Nadine!"

The girl's voice chimed into the air synchronizing nicely with the bell that hung against the door. The waitress that I knew from my first visit to the diner was standing at the counter with her back to us. _She wasn't here yesterday, _I thought, _she must have Tuesdays off. _

"Gimme a sec, Bells. I'm just gonna get this order into the kitchen."

The waitress spoke to the girl without turning around. Had I not been privy to her daily schedule, I still would have assumed that she was a regular here. The easy way that the woman spoke to the girl, coupled with the fact that she knew the sound of her voice would lend itself to the idea that the two had an easy camaraderie. I never bothered with the thoughts of the waitress when I watched their near-daily meals, her father was a much more keen observer.

"No problem, Nadine. We're eating here, we'll seat ourselves…"

"Oh!" the woman exclaimed, turning around, "Hey Char---_Hello._"

I pretended not to see the beseeching look that the girl gave the woman behind the counter, apparently the familiarity was also friendship. I heard the thoughts of the woman and was again surprised by the charity of them. Ignoring the girl's silent pleas, she wiped her hands on the apron tied at her waist.

"Are you going to introduce me to your friend, Bella?"

The woman remembered me from the afternoon two weeks ago, but she pretended not to solely for the purpose of embarrassing the girl. It wasn't at all malicious. In fact, it was quite friendly. I worried briefly that she might reach out to shake my hand, but instead I felt insistent pushing at the middle of my back, navigating me forward.

"Nadine this is Edward. Edward this is Nadine."

I thankfully pretended to stumble toward a table in the back while lifting a hand in greeting; I didn't need to make any more bad first impressions.

"Hello Nadine." It came out a bit gruffer than I intended, but was polite enough.

I focused on the woman, trying to catch a few stray thoughts. It seemed that she considered the girl to be nice, a joy to her father and unfailingly kind, but melancholic. I saw still pictures flip through the woman's mind: the girl and her father sitting at the table in the corner, day after day, always in amicable silence. I knew the vision quite well, I had perched, hidden amongst the trees on the other side of the restaurant, listening and watching her nearly everyday last week. The woman wavered over a particular image of the girl sitting at the table by the window, staring out wistfully, wordlessly hoping for something that the woman could not fathom. The still image vanished a moment later and was replaced with the two of us sitting at the table by the window laughing and smiling, though we were still making our way to a booth in the back. She punctuated her thoughts with a poignant look at the two of us. She had high hopes for us, hopes that I felt were impossibly high. Apparently she thought it would be nice if Bella had a few more friends her age. _Yes, of course, her __**own**__ age…_

"I'm kind of surprised to see you," she said after we settled into our seats, "I didn't think I would."

I plucked out two of the menus that sat at the end of the table, handing one to her before pretending to peruse the other for the sake of keeping up appearances.

"Oh? And why did you think that?"

I scanned over the list of items that I had memorized on my first visit to the diner, I already knew that I would be getting the meatloaf… again. Though whether or not I was actually going to eat any of it was undecided as of yet.

"Well, yesterday didn't go so well did it?"

"It didn't?" I retorted with a question of my own without thinking, but she was just so baffling.

She laughed, "Do you think it did?"

_Yes, I thought it went brilliantly! I didn't EAT you! How much better could it have gone?!_

"I'm not quite sure of how to answer that now."

She stared at me for a few moments with a straight face, waiting patiently for me to elaborate, but eventually her human patience failed her. She smiled at me, and something within me lurched pleasantly. It was an odd sensation, but it was happening with curious frequency. Whenever she smiled at me, or laughed, whenever she seemed the least bit interested in me. I could not remember the last time that someone had been so thoroughly amused at anything I could do or say. Shocked, awed, reverent, fearful? Yes. Amused? No, never.

"I always think that if I wait a little longer, eventually you'll be forced into answering. But you're _very _good at avoiding my questions."

She made the accusation as she spoke into her menu, already seeming to forget my curious behavior. It felt unfair for me to know so much, yet so little about her, but the brevity of my answers was a necessity.

The woman behind the counter came and left our table quickly enough, but not before giving the girl a look that, I'm sure, was not intended for my eyes. I looked to see if the girl had noticed my stolen intel and she was already staring at me with questioningly. The smirk on my face seemed to confirm her suspicions and she looked away immediately, pretending to be captivated by her place setting. The girl blushed; it was a delicate, pinky stain that looked as if it had been brushed, just barely, along her cheeks.

"You're easily embarrassed?" I questioned, wanting nothing more than for the blush to flourish and bloom to the flawless ivory of her décolleté.

She made a chirping sound of surprise and her head shot up from the tabletop. _A strange reaction…_

"Uh…"

"If her insinuations bother you, then I can assure you that you need not worry."

"Oh?" she said in mock surprise.

I shrugged.

"I only ask because it seemed to be a direct response to the suggestiveness of the woman. Girls your age seem easily embarrassed at the prospect of male attention."

"Girls my age?" she questioned, "You mean girls _our_ age. You can't be more than a year older than me… 18 at the very oldest."

I shrugged, "Well, that's different."

"Different?" she challenged.

"Yes, I'm …"

"Older?"

"Yes, I --"

"So you're what 18? 19?"

"No, but --."

"No, you're older? Or no, you're younger."

"No, I'm 17, " I interjected quickly, angry at myself for my numerous missteps in conversation.

"So you're not older than me then. You're 17?"

"Yes. I'm 17, but…"

"But what?"

"I'm more… You're still…" I stuttered for words as I never had before. The light blush in her cheeks seemed to be deepening, yet I had reason to believe it may not be the exact type I desired.

"You're more… I'm still… What?" she demanded with narrow eyes.

"I'm more… _mature._"

Her jaw clenched in a way that screamed of female discontent.

"Well," she deadpanned, "you're just talking up a storm today. Please, keep going."

I continued without responding to her comment, sarcasm seemed not to need an answer. We sat in loaded silence, me not quite sure of what happened and her likely insulted as I had, for all intensive purposes, called her a child.

"I only meant," I attempted, wanting to be back in her good graces, "that I'm –"

"Trust me," she said, sighing, "you're going to want to stop. However you end that sentence is going to be bad… So let's just forget the part of this conversation where you called me idiot.

_Idiot?! No, that's not at all what I was insinuating. In actuality, she was quite bright for her age. Overly perceptive, mature, honest…_

"And yes, to answer your question," she moved on quickly, "I blush easily."

I kept my mouth shut, pleading with her silently to overlook my inadequacies with light banter.

She gave me a pointed look, "Well, _one _of us has to answer questions."

"I apologize."

The planes of her face softened immediately. I noted that her temperament changed direction like a flurry of snow carrying through the wind: Unpredictably.

"You don't have to ---"

"I mean to say, I apologize for the brevity of my answers. It was not my intention to be rude."

She toyed with the hem of her sleeve and I wanted so badly to reach forward to still her hands. She turned toward the window and followed the blurring form of a passing car.

"Can I ask you a question?"

I nodded my head, hanging on the precipice of her every word.

"Promise you'll answer?"

I nodded again, though her eyes were still trained on the scene outside.

"Why exactly are you here then?"

Wanting to please her, I prepared to answer succinctly, "I'm looking for old friends here in Forks. I—"

"No," she said softly, finally turning her attention back to me. "I don't mean here in Forks. I mean here," she motioned around the diner.

I shook my head, not understanding," You said the diner would be fine."

"Edward, I mean here with _me._"

The question was a tricky one, the answer even moreso. Perhaps evasion was best.

"I could ask you the same thing."

I expected a renewed frustration, but her expression didn't change, it was as if she knew that I would not answer.

"I don't know, actually. You're not all that nice to me," I opened my mouth to argue, but she put up a hand to stop me, "or my friends. You don't say much. You're evasive. All of that being said, I guess I'm just curious."

_So that was it then. She was curious. That was the only thing that kept her here. _Internally, I scowled.

"If you're so tormented at my behavior, then why subject yourself to the torture of my company?" I shot at her testily, irritated at my own weakness.

"Shouldn't I be the one who's offended here? You've made your opinion of me pretty clear. Though I don't know _what _I did to make you think so lowly of me."

"Have I?" _When did I do that? _

"You think I'm immature. Maybe even innocent and naïve?"

"No, Isabella! I don't!" I refuted her claims immediately.

"Really?" she quoted my own words to me in a dry tone, " 'If her insinuations bother you, then I can assure you that you need not worry,' that was you that said that, right?"

I was mortified. I was on my best behavior and still, I was alienating her.

"You misunderstand me, Isabella! I only meant that I would not be so forward as to make any unwanted advances! I swear it. I find you…" I was in a near panic trying to assure her that I was not an absolute cad.

"Really, Edward? You don't want someone more 'mature'_._"

Her teasing was back in full force, and it wasn't completely good-natured. In the back of my mind I noted that she had a penchant for using one's own words against them; I would be more careful in the future. If there was to be a future of any kind…

"No. I did not mean that you weren't mature. Only that I've had a rather _trying_ past," I tried to keep the repugnance out my voice but it leeched out despite my effort, "On the contrary, I think you're quite mature. I --"

I made the realizations as I said the words. I had watched her for two weeks without confirming the facts of my own reconnaissance in my head. I knew that she cared for her father the way that a parent usually cared for his own child. She was nurturing and kind, understanding and unfailingly selfless. She did it all without complaint, without some self-imposed sense of importance, without any expectation of gratitude. I could count all of the many ways she was kind without an audience: The way she spoke of her friend Angela to her love interest Ben, the way she replaced the lines and spools in her Dad's fishing tackle, how she smiled to Mike and his advances despite her distaste. I don't know why that all mattered to me, but I suppose I realized that I wanted to care for her in some small way, just a fraction of the way she cared for everyone else. And yet while I knew exactly what I wanted to give her, I knew that it would never be possible, because I knew too well exactly what I wanted to take from her. All that I could give her now was some part of the truth.

"I find you captivating, Isabella." I finished breathlessly, "Absolutely, _captivating_."

"A meatloaf and a chicken sandwich."

Thankfully, the waitress interrupted us before I could confirm just how far my obsession with the girl had gone. She slid two plates between us with a huge grin on her face.

_Lover's quarrel_, she assessed silently, _they'll get over it. _

"Thank you, Nadine," the girl said abruptly.

"Thank you, Nadine," I mimicked.

"You kids enjoy…" she gave us one more knowing smile and then her thoughts were quickly overtaken by thoughts of a burning pie.

_I like the woman. She seems to be on my side. What that meant, I had no idea._

Bella opened her mouth a few times, prepared to say something, but finally shook her head as she picked up a fork. It made me positively psychotic when she hesitated with her words, picking and choosing which thoughts were for my consumption and which were only for her.

I wrestled with the urge to flee as she studied my every action as I sat embarrassed at my own declarations of obsession. She was assessing me, I felt it in every flitting pass of her eyes, every millisecond of pursed lips, every beat of measured silence between us. I picked up my own fork and knife, even eating actual human food would be preferable to seeing her looks of distaste. _You're an idiot, Edward._ _Who makes such declarations after so few meetings?_ _And you insulted her! She hates you. _

"I thought you were a vegetarian," she said accusingly.

Hesitant to look up at her, I picked at a sizeable morsel with my fork pausing only slightly before popping it into my mouth. I fought the urge to cringe as it slid down my throat in a thick mass of carnage.

"You assumed. You were wrong." I said dejectedly, my mood plummeting as I threw away any more attempts to be careful with my words, it was far too late now.

"Yeah, I guess that's true," though I wasn't looking at her I could her the smile in her voice.

Again, she was baffling me at every turn.

She grinned at me in a way I had never seen, and with a deeper blush than I had seen before, and my sprits climbed to heights I had never known, "I think I've made a lot of wrong assumptions about you, Edward."

She cocked her head to the side and shrugged in the most adorable way before turning back to her food. I followed suit, not caring if I had to retch up the entire plate of meatloaf if it meant a few more moments in her presence.

"Hmmm, that's interesting…" she commented after swallowing a bite of her sandwich.

I forced down a bit more of the meatloaf before responding, "What is?'

"I think that's the first time I've seen you smile, Edward."

I reached to my lips with my free hand and surely enough my stone lips were turned into a shape that I scarcely managed without forcing myself. I assume she saw the shock in my eyes as she laughed gaily.

"Wow, Edward. There may be hope for you yet…"

I knew not what the future held – Would I keep her for a few more days? A week? Two? It could not be much longer – but with just her 17 short years of experience I felt that maybe she had more wisdom in her than I had in all of my 80 odd years.

"I hope you're right, Bella. I hope you're right."

Her eyes lit up as I said her name the way she preferred for the first time and we continued with our line of questioning from the day before with gusto. As we spent the afternoon with our newly easy rapport I discovered that she was so flawlessly good it was evil: so gentle, so sincere, so innocent, that it was impossible. Impossible to believe that so pure a creature existed and so pure a creature that it was impossible not to want her.

She laid out her intricacies one by one and it was the most measured, most infuriating sort of unknowing seduction. It was with great reluctance that I announced our afternoon was over. I heard the thoughts of one of the secretaries from the police station as she walked in the door to pick up dinner; it meant there was only an hour before Chief Swan made his leave. I walked her back to her truck that afternoon knowing that the coming hours would be spent counting down the infinite seconds until I could steal into her bedroom that night.

I frowned at her truck as we approached it with slow steps. I hated the thing.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" she asked hopefully, shifting her weight nervously from foot to foot.

"I think so," I nodded, smiling I'm sure.

I helped her force open the door and she slid in without protest.

"Bye Edward. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Isabella."

She did not correct me as I shut the door and watched her drive off. I waited a few moments before running off to follow her, just to make sure she arrived home safely in the deathtrap. I knew I should have left her then, I almost _wanted_ to leave her, if only to assure myself that my obsession was not so completely hopeless. Yet, I could not… Not yet.

I watched her from outside of her kitchen window as she whisked around the floor, cradling a phone in her shoulder. She was talking animatedly to someone, her smile just as bright and gay as any person's could be. I felt guilty, knowing that I was somehow betraying her trust to be watching her this way in her waking hours, so I turned on my heel and went into the forest.

I still had my mission. I had not forgotten it. And while Bella had taken over nearly every part of my mind, she had not taken over it all. Decades of conditioned discipline could not be undone in mere days.

As I ran through the trees the Edward that sat in the diner with the beautiful human girl fell away and Edward – the mercenary, the cold vampire, the killer – returned with renewed vigor.

**A/N: **

**Yeah, the Bella in my story is a little sassy. She's still our shy, quiet, clumsy, nervous Bella… But since Edward is a little more clueless, we had to compensate somehow, right? Right.**

**I added a crapper of a summary for the story. It's not my intention to bamboozle you all, I swear! I'm just not good at summaries for stories. Strange, considering in real-life I'm a shorthand-fool. I, unfortunately, don't know how to walk that fine line between 'intriguing teaser' and 'hey guys! Spoiler alert!'**

**If you review, I promise the story will pick up in the next chapter. Thank you!**


	7. Chapter 7

**EdwardPOV**

I would have hated her if I was not so completely obsessed with her. Every night I told myself that it would be the last, every afternoon I prepared myself to say goodbye, but even the thought was a lie. I should have known after that first trip to the diner that it wasn't the end; it was only just the beginning. I waited for her every day after her classes ended, watching the majority of students drive away before going to meet her at her truck. After that second day, she required no tutelage, being human came so easily to her. _She does have the added benefit of actually being a human. _I sighed and the weariness was foreign.

I saw the flash of her auburn hair as she turned to wave goodbye to Angela. She stood up on her tiptoes to peer around the mass of students, looking slightly dejected when her eyes found her truck sitting alone on the far end of the lot. I smiled, knowing that the look of disappointment was due to my absence. I wanted to run to her then, missing her pathetically after only the two days of the weekend, but my discipline won in the end. I would not compromise the girl at her school, especially when I knew it was likely that members of the coven posed as students there.

Though I had given her some half-assurance that I would see her again after she asked me that loaded question last week, she waited in the parking lot that third afternoon with such resolute expectation that I nearly left purely out of pride. I watched her from afar as she scanned the parking lot once, the last of the afternoon stragglers making their ways home, but she did not seem the least bit concerned. She merely folded out the door on the bed of her truck, plucked a book out of her backpack and sat down to read. Waiting. I watched for a few more moments then, to test her, thinking that eventually she might grow bored and return home. Yet she did not; she seemed content to wait and simultaneously unbothered. Not once did she put down the book to scan the parking lot for my presence, not _once_ did she seem the least bit concerned that I might not come. It was infuriating…

…Infuriating and thoroughly alluring, as was every part of her. Every blink of her eye, every absentminded flip of her hair, the rhythm of her breaths, the occasional sigh… all of her very human, very tedious actions, had me riveted as if she was the ingénue in the most intriguing of films. I pegged her for being the more naïve between the two of us. How foolish I was! To think that my interest in her was purely derived from my reverence for her pureness of heart and her siren blood was laughable now. She was beautiful and, again, the world punished me. Had she been even slightly less than ravishing I might have been able to keep myself from her, but no, she was kind and innocent and lovely and everything that I wanted but could not have. And so here I was, for the sixth time – a Monday – waiting for her to settle into the bed of her truck to pick up from the scene in Shakespeare where she had left off on Friday.

"Edward!"

She called to me, shocking me from my musings. I looked around myself, even more shocked still, for I had crossed the entire length of the parking lot without my knowledge, my feet moving on their own volition. _Discipline,_ I scoffed, _What discipline?_

I smiled, too pleased with her enthusiasm at my presence to scold myself. There was plenty of time for the self-loathing that would inevitably come.

"Good afternoon, Isabella. How was your weekend?"

"Edward," she said threateningly just as she reached her truck, "Didn't we talk about this already?"

I took her backpack from her, ignoring her question, throwing it into the truck.

"_Bella_, Edward," she warned me, knowing that I was ignoring her on purpose, "You can call me Beeeeella."

"Yes of course, _Bella_. So, would you like to go to the diner, then?"

She rolled her eyes, trudging before me with mock irritation and I wanted so badly tell her just how much I had missed her. A lifetime of waiting seemed like mere days compared to the infinity that was the past weekend. It was truly horrifying how deeply I yearned for even just her presence.

"So what did you read today?" she called out behind her, knowing that it was only a matter of seconds before I followed her into the direction of the diner.

"Faulkner, mostly. A little Austen," I admitted, quickening my pace to catch up to her.

"_As I Lay Dying_?" she wondered aloud.

"_The Sound and the Fury_, actually."

She was quiet for a moment, a wistful look crossing over her face, "I wish that I could study whatever I wanted… Some of the books they assign in class are just… _Ugh._"

I nodded, not wanting to incriminate myself any further with the growing litany of deceptions that I had convinced myself were necessary. That I was in a type of home-schooled independent study was the least abhorrent of these half-truths.

"And you?" I questioned, pushing off the first wave of guilt in what always proved to be many whenever I spent time with her, "How is school? Still reading Hawthorne, then?"

I wanted to drown in the sound of her voice and I knew the question would send her into a tirade. I had come to learn that one of her specific frustrations was with her peers' analysis of most literature. She admitted that she spent the majority of her English class sitting with a clenched jaw and balled fists, practically seething.

"It's just so easy for them to write off a person after a single transgression!" she ranted, "As if they are so perfect! The lines of good and bad are not supposed to be drawn so easily! Why do you think these authors wrote the stories in the first place? So that we could cast off our heroes as heathens and villains after the first page? I doubt it!"

"And what if the transgressions are many?" I challenged her, "What then?"

"It doesn't matter," she retorted immediately, "There is _always_ a chance for redemption."

"No matter the crime?" I said to her, peering at her out of the corner of my eye.

"No matter the crime," she confirmed, pausing in front of me while I opened the door to the diner.

"Good to know," I admitted, trying to keep the seriousness out of my tone. I knew that while she said these things now, it would hardly be the case when they required some type of real life application.

"Hey guys…" Nadine called out to us without turning around, bustling behind the counter as was expected," The usual?"

_The usual._ It was absurd that I could call any of this 'the usual', but that is what it seemed to be. I got the meatloaf and mashed potatoes, she the chicken sandwich and French fries, and then came the hours of easy banter and questioning shot through with the occasionally poignant observation on life. I committed each of her answers to memory. Her favorite color? Blue, it brought out the flawlessness of her skin. Her Mother's name? Renée, whose free-spirit undoubtedly created her kind instincts. Her life's goal? It was undecided as of yet, she said, the world had plans of its own. Each small detail added to the collage of fascinating minutia that was Isabella Marie Swan. I answered her questions for me purely out impatience, the sooner to hear her voice again, the better… Yet it was never soon enough.

"Yes please, Nadine," I answered politely, "The usual is just fine."

……………………………………………………………………………………………**..**

Day 7

We argued over the inevitability of human nature. She, arguing for inherently good. I, arguing for neither good nor bad, rather for what is and what could be. We ended in stalemate. She touched my clothed forearm as we departed for the day and I scarcely found the ability to restrain myself. I ran home on a bed of clouds.

Day 8

She asked me about my goals for the future. I lied and told her I wasn't sure, maybe some sort of vocation where I could work with my hands. I hunted until dawn with a heavy heart. I hated the guilt.

Day 9

She wore blue. I can barely remember the rest. She was too beautiful.

Oh, and she mentioned she was allergic to peaches. I remember that.

Day 10

I asked her about love. She smiled at me shyly and said it was too personal. I nodded my head solemnly with feigned acceptance. I didn't have the right to ask her about love.

The Second Weekend

Another infinite two days without her. I forced myself to hunt again, though I had accepted the painful presence of her scent weeks ago. With time to myself I attempted to put a timeline on this sabbatical from my existence. I would have to give her up eventually… But not yet.

I closed my eyes and let myself be washed away in a waking-dream, but I didn't need the faceless girl in the marble foyer now. No, not when I had her to dream of. I replayed my favorite parts of our conversations in my head…

"_There is such a thing as balance, Edward! It may not happen ALL the time, but it's definitely possible to have equality in a relationship."_

"_No," I interrupted her, "That's not true. In every mutual agreement there is a clear winner and a clear loser. It is inherent to the nature of all things. For one to receive, another has to give. It's numerically impossible for it to be equal. Consider the subjective value of things…"_

"_That may be true, but it's the perception of it…" _

_She paused, her features gathering in confusion at her own words. Oh, how badly I wanted to be the stitch in her knitted brow._

"_What I mean," she said, clarifying, "is that if value is actually subjective, then it's the way we perceive the exchange isn't it? If we both feel that it is equal, isn't it already equal inherently? Money isn't the only way to place worth on a thing, the same way that a word with no tangible value can be worth… Everything."_

_I smirked at her, thinking of all the ways I could manipulate her easy take on the ways of the world. She was so pure of heart, so good in her intentions, that even her wide-eyed rosy views penetrated our discussion on international monetary policy. It was so completely in all of her that it informed every observation in her life. _

"… _And even if there was no such thing as equality in this sense. There is still the inverse isn't there? Complete, total, absolute selflessness?"_

_She paused only for half a second to hear my answer, readying herself to continue on her latest point in our already tangential discussion, but I stopped her. I had the distinct feeling that we were no longer discussing an abstract policy for an abstract place…_

"_Yes," I said after a loaded silence, "I believe there is that."_

_She stopped abruptly again, her mouth opening in surprise. We very rarely let the other win an upper hand in the conversation without, at the very least, vehement protest. _

"_What?!"_

"_But not in economics," I pointed out, "TINSTAAFL, right? There is no such thing as a free lunch?"_

_She was immediately embarrassed at her outburst, but chose to look pointedly at the food sitting in front of us. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a wad of bills, and I rolled my eyes._

"_Don't be ridiculous, Bella," I scoffed," Besides, I already paid. And so did you…"_

_She raised an eyebrow at she shoved the wad of bills back into her pocket._

"_I did?" she asked, "And how did I do that?"_

"_Your company is worth a chicken sandwich at the very least, " I smiled, mocking her._

"_HA!" she shouted, pointing at me and laughing the entire time, "So it is equal then?!"_

"_No, Bella," I said, drowning in the heated blush of her cheeks and the dancing brown of her eyes, "Not even close…"_

Day 11

She said she missed me over the weekend and the clouds underfoot returned, then at the diner she called me a friend. I spent the entire night in her room seething at her, angry, but at daybreak I went to hunt feeling shamed yet again. If I had no right to ask her about love, then surely I should not resent her for considering me a friend…

Day 12

She asked me about music and I nearly shut down. If we talked about music, then it was only a matter of time before we would have exhausted all topics for small talk. I changed the subject and asked her about her Father. She forced a smile and rattled on, but not before she let a small frown challenge her usually perfect face.

Day 13

She wore blue again. There might have been words exchanged, but I wasn't quite sure. Beautiful wasn't the word. Stunning, flawless, inspiring….

Day 14

She wanted to make plans for the following week, a trip to a nearby lake, she admitted to having had her fill of the diner. I make up an excuse about having plans, though she had to know it was a lie. She seemed sad for the rest of the afternoon and I left her that day hating myself. Absolutely hating myself…

Day 15

She was still irritated with me for lying to her, not that I could blame her. Yet, I found her sharp temper oddly adorable. I wanted to chase her and taunt her and make her brow furrow in frustration, then watch it release in reluctant acceptance. I wanted everything, every part of her. I wanted anything that might cause her to feel even the slightest flicker of emotion to be solely for me. I realized then, that when it came to Bella Swan, I was greedy.

Too greedy.

The Third Weekend

I thought of a million ways to say goodbye to her. I wrestled with the choice as I drew her face in my head and replayed her voice in my mind. I had no other option. Volterra was beginning to grow increasingly suspicious of my lack of information, I had been on longer missions but never with such indifference. I had yet to see the Cullens and the longer that I stayed here, the more likely they were to find me before I sought them. I had to leave the girl. It wasn't fair to stay, not to her. Making her sad was not my intention, and my own selfish desires let me lead her this far. It would only be a matter of time before the girl would grow attached to me. She would not have one millionth of the affection that I had for her, how could she, but it was human nature to desire the familiar. And with each passing day we grew more and more comfortable, more aware of the other, more close. No, it was not fair to keep subjecting the girl to this, not when I knew that I could not keep her.

The very least that I could do was say goodbye, tell her another lie to add to the pile. I would say I was moving, that the 'old friends' weren't here, that it was my time to leave. I hoped that she might be even a little upset to see me go, though I knew that I would be the one at a loss… But I had to leave her -- no matter how much I would suffer though my next hundred years knowing that a creature like her existed -- it was best.

Day 16

I was late. I shouldn't have been late. If I wasn't so self-loathing, so goddamn selfish, maybe everything would have been different. But no, I was so consumed with my own misery that I couldn't bring myself to run to meet her. I walked… Walked! And that walk cost more than all of the treasures in Volterra. I was only a few minutes late, five at the very most, and it still it changed everything. _Everything._

There were four of them. I knew what they were without seeing the reds of their eyes. In the back of my mind I knew it was likely that they used some sort of disguise to mask what they truly were, but I could not bring myself to care. With their backs to me, all I saw was the disciplined rigidity of their posture and even from here, in the woods, I could see the unnatural pallor of their skin. They were vampires, no doubt, and they were talking to my Isabella. I prepared to run in to save her, it didn't matter whether I perished, but all I knew of them was that they were powerful. How powerful? Powerful enough to kill the two of us were I to attack? I had no idea. I spent a half second trying to strategize for Bella's benefit more than mine. Perhaps they would let her go if I showed myself. There were still plenty of students around, they would not dare to compromise their identities with so many witnesses. After all, if they had not done so yet, why would they do so now? For me? To lure me from my hidden position? If all that they wanted was me, I would surrender, I wouldn't give it even another moment of consideration.

I said a silent prayer to whatever higher powers there might be as I took a single step forward. I closed my eyes, dreaming of her… Her lips on my cheek, her hand in mine, the words I so yearned to say spilling out into the air for only her to hear… _Just please, keep her safe. Keep her safe…Take me instead._

I opened my eyes, prepared for whatever battle awaited me, damn the witnesses – no, damn the world – all that mattered was her life…

And again, the world granted me a reprieve! They were leaving! The four vampires that were only just looming above my Bella were walking away from her! I tore my eyes away from their withdrawing figures and looked to her, disbelieving that she seemed in exactly the same perfect condition I had last left her. _She was fine. My Bella was all right. _

I remained rooted in my spot, unable to move from the sheer terror of the entire situation, and watched her face. She seemed only slightly disturbed, confusion being the sentiment mirrored in her face. What had they told her? I had no idea and I knew that I would never know the answer. It seemed as if all my selfishness had finally been exhausted, I only had one choice now.

There would be no goodbyes.

I ran, as fast as I could possibly run and it did nothing to atone for my inability to run earlier. The tension gathered and built and consumed every piece of humanity that I had tried to collect when I was with her and I did all that I could do. I collapsed somewhere in the middle of the forest though I already felt thousands of miles from her.

I let a hundred years of lonely, consuming rage spill out of me in a single bellow and then the world went black…

**A/N: ****It's a shorter chapter (and leaves LOTS of room for improvement) and a cliffie at that, my bad. But look at it this way, if you review this chapter then the next chapter will be up in a day or so. The reviews make me so happy to be writing this! I appreciate each and every one.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **

**I've basically written this entire fic (thus far) to a soundtrack of Kings of Leon. In particular, the 'Only By The Night' album. Seriously, their songs will break your heart. For a more complete playlist, go check out my profile. I've listed the 'Greatest Hits'. Sorry, I'm stalling…**

**I am disclaiming and unowning.**

**EdwardPOV**

It wasn't difficult to find them.

I followed them back to their home the next day. It was bigger than I imagined. More windows, more white. It angered me at how easy it was to infiltrate the safety of their home. It should have been harder. It should have been nearly impossible. I hated them even moreso for their failure at discretion. I hated them on principal. I hated them for making me give her up.

It all came back too easily. Without the tether of Bella's humanity holding me to the world of the living, I felt my old tendencies come rushing forward. I wanted to punish this coven as I had punished countless others who took life recklessly, without respect for the balance of predator and prey. I had instructions to leave them, to send word to Volterra as soon as I confirmed their existence, but my self-restraint was exhausted now. It was all spent on her… Staying away from her…Protecting her… Loving her.

And I loved her. I knew it now. Maybe I had known it all along.

Falling in love with Bella Swan was easy... But then again, there was really nothing easy about it was there? It was impossible. She and I were impossible.

I had no plan. Would they kill me on site? Or would I have to sacrifice myself? Would I just have to beg? Would I be unable to suppress my instinct to defend myself? Would I be able to suppress my instinct to attack? Would I win? I didn't care, one way or another, there were no more chances for redemption now. All that mattered was that I gave her a fighting chance…

It was dusk and the lights on the house came on, they were comfortable with their pretend human lives, I knew they didn't need them. The home was oddly beautiful. It was all hard lines with floor to ceiling windows and carefully chosen recycled metal trim. It sat against the backdrop of the evergreen trees: a juxtaposition of the modern and the primordial. I scoffed, _Ironic. _

The shadows of seemingly human forms danced and flickered from corner to corner behind the drawn curtains, their speed only just slightly suspect. I closed my eyes and thought of Volterra. This coven pretended to be a family, to the outside world I'm sure they did an excellent job of it. But how could our kind have _real_ family? Even now, on the precipice of death I could not fathom an afterlife where I would yearn for anyone but her. If I did survive this, how could I possibly return to Volterra now? In my mind's eye I scanned all the places I had been. I saw stark white, flurries of snow, three hundred and sixty-five days with the heavy burden on winter. My heart was soothed just slightly, _Antarctica then. _It was fitting.

With a steadying breath I approached the house at a human's speed. I took a final step to my destiny, poised to knock, but the door opened before my hand touched the wood.

I looked into eyes the color of mine exactly and it stunned me.

"Come in, Edward," a raven-haired pixie-girl said smiling, "We've been expecting you."

……………………………………………………………………………………………**.**

I walked in behind her, her thoughts seemed harmless enough. She was not the least bit surprised at my presence as her greeting had suggested, and that in and of itself seemed threat enough. I thought of all the easy ways to be rid of her…

"Don't do it!" she chirped at me quickly, "Because if you do, Jasper will have to get involved… And then you'll be off on the wrong foot… And I just want you to like each other! "

The way the girl waved her arms around frantically with saucer-wide eyes caused me to hesitate for just a moment. She seemed to anticipate my plans, but her thoughts stayed calm. She didn't seem at all dangerous. Her thoughts may have even seemed… Excited?

"Nobody is going to hurt you, Edward. Nobody is going to hurt Bella either," she put a hand on my arm and I wrenched it away at the sound of her name, snarling.

A saw a body blur in from somewhere beside me and I braced myself for the onslaught, but just before I could launch into the offensive, I came to realize that the being had no interest in attacking me. Rather, I was quite surprised to see a lanky, wavy haired boy crouched before the girl, looking absolutely feral. He was defending her. I could see it in his eyes -- if I would not have also heard it in his thoughts --they were slightly darker than the girl's and mine, but they were uncharacteristically brown nevertheless.

"No! No! NO! This isn't at all the way this was supposed to go!" the girl cried, stomping her foot petulantly, "Jasper, relax! He wasn't going to hurt me!"

_Ah, so this is the Jasper that she mentioned before._

I took a few steps backward, immediately wary of the strange girl. How could she be so sure that I would not hurt her? And she was absolutely positive, her mind did not waver, not even a bit. I straightened from my crouched position on the floor, eyeing the two of them with a newfound curiosity. Simultaneously, my former attacker did the same, coming to stand at the girl's side, still shielding her body from my range, just slightly.

She pushed him out of the way with tiny but insistent hands. When it became clear he was unwilling to budge, she stepped around him, sticking out her hand to offer it to me.

"I'm Alice," she chirped pleasantly, bouncing on the balls of her feet expectantly.

I growled, taking another set behind me and my back hit the door. I was not the only one who remained skeptical, his thoughts were screaming with anxiety, all of it intended solely for the girl. He was sure of his own abilities to defend himself, he was formulating plans of attack in his head, his only concern was for her. And not just her physical safety either, but for her heart. I saw him flicker over a conversation that they had already had, and it had to have been weeks ago, I could see rain falling in sheets behind a window. It had not rained in nearly ten days. I barely had time to process what I heard, he was promising her that he would stop at nothing to keep her safe.

"She's speaking to you, Boy," he choked out, interrupting my foray into his mind, the muscles in his neck protruding with the threat, "If would be best if you answered."

I felt the patronizing tone of his voice and my body tensed with the familiar desire for a challenge.

"It would be best," I answered calmly, "If _you_ realized whom _you _are speaking to."

"Nooooo!" the girl whined again, jumping around wildly in her spot, "You guys are messing it all up! Carlisle! CARLISLE!"

I backed further into the door when I realized she was calling another of her coven. Three would be problematic to deal with, but if they gave me no other choice, I would handle it. A flaxen-haired man, too young to be considered middle-aged yet too old to be considered a boy, emerged from behind a nearby corner. He had been close enough to attack the entire time. Why hadn't he?

"Calm down, Alice," his voice insisted while he patted her patiently on the shoulder, "If it's meant to be, it will be."

"It is!" she exclaimed, turning her back to me, rounding on the man, "I _saw _it."

_Saw what?_

All of my internal questions were taxing on my patience, I had come here to say my peace and be done with it. If words did not appease them then surely I could fend them off long enough to flee. I only had to hear their thoughts but once to know their intentions, if I had to spend the rest of my life defending the girl or sequestered from her and them, so be it.

_The girl is the key…_

"Leave the girl out of this!" I sneered," She has _nothing_ you want… It's me you are looking for isn't it? You think that eliminating me will stop them from coming for you. I can assure you now, _Cullens, _your precious family will never be safe whether you kill me or not …"

_We aren't going to hurt, Bella…. I like Bella._

"And why should I trust you?" I spit, my mind barely able to wrap around the fact that this coven knew everything about her: her name, her school, probably her home, everything. Nowhere was safe. I cursed myself to high heaven and back to hell, _I _did this to her. Me alone.

"Like her?!" I demanded to nobody in particular, my eyes scanning all of the potential exits from the room, "You say you won't hurt her! I would be a fool to trust you! I will not make Aro's mistake!"

"You can hear me?" the girl said, "You can hear my thoughts?"

I watched the cautious faces in the room suddenly become shocked. In my panic I did not notice that my voice was the only audible sound in the echoing room. I had given up the only advantage that might save Bella, I had squandered it with my own lack of discipline. _Idiot, _I admonished myself, _Stupid, selfish, miserable idiot._

I was nearly trembling with rage, it was so uncharacteristic for me, my composure before an attack had always lent itself to my cause before.

"Jazz! Relax! God, would you look at him?! He's going to kill someone!"

_What was the girl talking about now?! _

"I'm sorry, Alice. I'm _trying_!"

"Well, try harder!"

"Maybe if you took a few steps back, Alice…" Carlisle helped.

She skipped toward the opposite end of the room, throwing up her arms in frustration on the way. Almost immediately, the foggy haze of wrath started to dissipate slowly, leaking away to make room for the clarity I had not experienced since I set foot into the house. My mind was still full of Bella, a million scenarios – good and bad – racing through my mind, but now I could think.

"Sorry," the boy mumbled, though the apology wasn't sincere, "It gets away from me sometimes…"

"What the hell is going on?!" I demanded.

The man, Carlisle, came toward me. The voices in his head seemed sincere, his only thoughts were of protecting his family. The faces of the rest of his coven flashed through his mind in quick succession: A woman, she almost looked kind. A striking blond and a burly brown-haired man with a smile on his face.

"Well, Edward. It seems you aren't the only one with… _Abilities._"

I crouched into an attacking position again, scanning the room for new faces that I had just seen. Where were they? Hiding so that they could blindside me?

"Well then, if they have _abilities_, then let the, show themselves!"

"Hey, you don't have to ask me twice!"

The sound of the robust voice cut through the atmosphere of the room and I turned to see the blond and the brunette who were only just pictures in mind emerge from another corner, the older woman with the kind face right behind them.

"Hey, Man!" he said cheerily as he bounded toward me, his free hand outstretched toward me while the other dragged the girl behind him, "I'm Emmett."

"Emmett!" the brown-haired woman exclaimed.

"Oh relax, Ma," he said, "Alice said he wasn't going to kill any of us! Her visions are never wrong…"

"But they've been changing!" she argued, grabbing the blond's free hand with both of hers, pulling the pair of them backward.

"No!" the pixie-girl said, "Not this part! Not since he decided about Bella…"

"STOP!" I yelled, my breaking-point reaching a fevered pitch, "Stop talking about visions and abilities and family. Most of all, stop talking about HER!"

"Everyone just calm down!" Carlisle cried out, his thoughts screaming with his need to control the situation, his role as the leader of the group becoming suddenly apparent.

He closed the gap between us, putting himself between his family and I, leaving himself vulnerable to attack. If I killed him maybe the structure of this coven would fall apart. I thought about the logistics, it would be a suicide mission with so many of them standing around.

"Nobody is going to hurt you, Edward."

I smiled sadistically, _As if my wellbeing is the thing at risk…_

"… And nobody is going to hurt Bella. We only want to be left alone! I don't know why Aro wants her all of a sudden, but he can't have her. We are prepared to defend her to the death!"

"Not just ours either," the wavy-haired boy said from the pixie-girl's side, "We're prepared to take a few of _yours_ with us."

I hated to admit my weaknesses, but I had had enough. The man was only barely thinking of Bella, his mind was more concerned with Volterra. I only thought of Bella when I finally let my attacking instincts recede, suppressing the desire to kill somewhere deep inside.

"I don't understand," I said to him finally, "Why exactly do they want you all?"

"No," Alice said, taking her hand from Jasper's, coming to Carlisle's side, "Not them. Just me, Edward. They just want me… And you're the only one that can help me…."

**.**

"What?" I ambled backward, pinching at the bridge of my nose with my thumb and my forefinger, "Don't you understand that they are the ones that sent me here? That I'm in absolutely no position to help you?"

"Can't?" the statuesque blond asked.

She was examining her nails as she perched on the armrest of a couch in the neighboring room, "Or won't?"

The wavy-haired boy stood up, glaring at me menacingly, "Then why did you come here?"

"Jazz…" Alice said putting a soothing arm on his shoulder, "We knew it wouldn't be easy to convince him… Even now, my vision just keeps changing… I –"

"WHAT VISIONS?!" I roared, tired of feeling that I only had half of the story.

I rounded on Carlisle, "You HAVE to explain w—"

"--And you don't have some explaining to do?" the blond chirped sarcastically, "We don't even know exactly why you're here either. Yeah, sure, the midget over there has some nice pictures in her head, but it's not exactly like we're all that in 'the know'. I still don't get what the girl has to do with any of this… She's _soooooo _lame."

She had not so much as shifted from her spot on the couch though she had moved on from her nails and was now examining her long blond locks for what I had to assume were split-ends.

I threw my hands up in frustration, finally certain of the fact that they really had no intention of attacking me just yet. Their minds were flooded with the most nauseating scenes of camaraderie and kinship. They really, truly considered their coven a family. It was damn confusing. I couldn't hear one clear explanation of the situation with all of them congesting my mind with so many worries; the bits and pieces of the story were only causing me to grow more anxious. The last thing that any of us needed was an extra dose of anxiety.

"You!" I pointed at the blond -- her thoughts were the most tangential, "Are quite unpleasant."

I turned to the large brunette man whom I assumed was her mate, "Is she always this unpleasant?"

He smiled at me, clapping me on the back as he walked into the large living room where the blond was sitting. I winced only slightly at the unwanted familiarity of his physicality. His thoughts were too optimistic.

"Aww, Rosie?" he said smirking, "She just takes a while to warm up to is all."

I sighed heavily, watching as one-by-one each of them passed in front of me, migrating toward the family room. The brown-haired woman was last. She stopped in front of me, her thoughts running the gamut of emotions. _Worry, hope, confusion._ Then finally, the same blind optimism that the meathead had.

She gave me a small smile, reaching over to put a hand on mine as it hung limply at my side. She gave it a tight squeeze and I surprised myself as I didn't jerk away immediately.

"Thank you," she said, her eyes glassy though our kind had no tears, "Really, Edward, Thank you."

She let go of my hand, following the rest of her family into the room, pausing only once to look behind her.

"Well come on," she said, beckoning me to follow her," It's a long story…"

**A/N: This chapter and the next were actually one chapter, but it was a bit long and the second ½ needed some work. But since you have all been so lovely with reviewing, I decided to throw this part up here…Less waiting! **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:**

**This is me disclaiming and unowning. **

**Go check out the playlist on my profile. Really though, it's all about the vibes.**

Also, the delay in this chapter being posted is ALL FanFictiondotnet's fault. The site was being retarded for a few days, but it's back now... Functioning and in my heart.

**..................................................................................................................**

**Last time, on 'De Anima':**

"Well come on," she said, beckoning me to follow her," It's a long story…"

……………………………………………………………………………………………**.**

I followed her, seeing no other choice. If I was going to ensure Bella's safety, I would have to understand their story. But help them? I couldn't fathom how they thought I could do that. _Can't?_ The blond's words echoed in my head, _Or won't? _I approached the sunken family room, not sure which of the two was the truth.

The décor was questionable. Not that it wasn't tasteful or gaudy or even suspect, it was questionable in that it seemed exactly the way I had pictured a typical rich family would have furnished their home. It was human, but too perfect. Long, neutral, modern couches sat against stark white walls, elaborate track lighting laced the ceiling, their spotlights calling attention to abstract paintings that hung perfectly throughout the room. From this viewpoint I could see the floor-to-ceiling windows were framed on each side by drawn curtains of luxurious silk. Black leather club chairs with titanium legs sat two-by-two, opposite the couch. A chaise was abandoned in the corner, a hanging lamp illuminating its perfect creaminess next to a lacquered table.

They took their places without question, the blond-haired man, Carlisle, and the brown-haired woman claiming the northernmost pair of club chairs. The pixie-girl haired girl pulled her mate by the hand, settling them into the chaise-lounger, him sitting behind her and eyeing me the entire time with strained caution. The burly man heaved himself onto the couch, throwing his feet on the side farthest from the blond. He smiled up at her as she looked down at him from her perch on the armrest, rolling her eyes.

"Feet, Emmett, "the brunette woman scolded, eyeing the worn boots that were dangerously close to ruining the finish of the sofa.

"Esm—" he protested.

"FEET!"

"Alright, Ma. Geez," he sat up, putting his feet on the ground in front of the couch, scooting closer to the blond. He shrugged his shoulders at me as I stood farthest from them, at the entryway to the room.

"Moms, you know? She can't help it. She's just really stressed," he said jovially.

"Edward," Carlisle said ignoring him, "I know you don't need to sit, but…"

He motioned to the set of chairs next to him. I nodded, taking the furthest from him, leaving an empty space between us.

I gave the room one last sweep for any telling thoughts. Still nothing that even suggested of a threat. I noted the most convenient exits as Carlisle began to speak.

"My name is Carlisle Cullen and this is my family."

"My wife…" he lifted his hand, intertwined with the brunette's at his side.

"…Esme," he said it softly, in a voice seeping with affection.

"And my children," he continued, "They were the ones speaking to your Bella, but not to harm her or to warn her…"

"Then why?" I growled.

"—To look for _you_!" the blond practically screeched, "Alice saw you arrive almost a _month_ ago… We got tired of waiting!"

"Rosalie!" Esme trilled. She played the role of a mother quite well.

The girl huffed, folding her arms in front of her chest, allowing Carlisle to continue.

"Like I was saying," he said, eyeing the blond, "These are, for all intents and purposes, my children. Alice… Jasper…Rosalie… Emmett."

He pointed them out one at a time, as if I hadn't already picked up their names.

"Yes! Fine! Your children." I said irritably, "So you sired them then?"

The brunette woman gasped, placing a hand over her heart, "Heavens no!"

"Carlisle hasn't had a drink like… _Ever,_" Alice chirped from the chaise in the corner, bursting with pride, "None of us drink though. Vegetarians and all that, it's the new rage."

I would have rolled my eyes -- popculture and all of its affected language was permeating even the immortal lexicon? – but I was too shocked at her admission.

"I found them, one at a time, all of them in varying states of disrepair. Well, in their human forms at least. We move from time to time, before any of the humans become suspicious. I am a doctor here in Forks, a surgeon. The constant cloud-cover keeps us hidden most days."

"You don't feed?" I demanded shocked, easily gleaning over the other parts of the story. "At all?"

"Well of course not, Silly!" Alice said matter-of-factly, "We have to eat something! Animals. Big game and elk, mostly."

"So you don't feed on humans?"

"No," the meathead said from the couch, "And from the looks of it, neither do you."

I recoiled at his accusation. How could he have possibly known that?

"For all you know." I deflected, "You underestimate my prowess at your own detriment."

"I never said you didn't hunt, kid. I'm just saying you don't hunt human."

I listened to his thoughts, he was more inquisitive than I would have assumed despite his jovial manner. His mind was the only one in the room that wasn't absolutely laborious to listen to. He was brave, that much I could surmise, and he was sure that they would come out of whatever was dealt to them.

However, he made one mistake. He took the mythology surrounding the Volturi as a gift. He thought that surely there was no way the reality could meet the expectation, while the others regarded the shroud of mystery as a burden. Even Carlisle had no estimation of how the Volturi had grown and strengthened. We were beings of legend in our world, nobody defied us because everyone assumed we were invincible. I knew first-hand that we were not. Our coven was riddled with insecurities and struggles for power, but I would not tell that to the Cullens. No, I had to have some secrets… I only knew that if I had to choose between the three --The Volturi, The Cullens and Bella – I would pick her. But between the Volturi and the Cullens? That choice was not so clear.

"But you don't…" Alice said softly from across the room," I know you don't."

"And how could you possibly know that? Did you see it in one of your _visions_?" I mocked her.

She pouted at me with her hands on her hips, "No, I didn't see it in one of my _visions_, though that would be just as credible."

I scoffed.

"Your eyes," the blond sighed dramatically.

_My eyes?_ I had noticed before that they had brown eyes that varied only slightly on the color spectrum from chocolate to hazel to amber, but I had not given it much thought. I had never seen any of our kind with eyes like mine. I had always assumed it was a defect in me. Like my ability to read minds or Jane's ability to inflict pain, just one of the many things that marked me as different from the others.

"The color?" I questioned warily, "Brown? Because we don't feed on humans?"

"Exactly," Alice chirped up again, "See? You don't belong with _them_. You belong with us!"

"Alice!" Carlisle warned her, "Let him decide where he belongs."

"Or _who_ he belongs to," the blond bitch quipped. I really was beginning to tire of her.

"I don't belong to anyone," I said glaring in her direction, "I am my own master. I come and go as I please. I do what they ask when it suits me, but I am never forced into doing that which I do not want to do. It would do you good to remember that, girl."

"Then why do you choose to be one of them?" she said, standing up, "If you are your own master then why do their beckoning? Why kill other vampires for them when they did nothing to you?"

I shook my head, her fake indignation was just as transparent as her intellect.

"Even in _our _world, there should be order," I hissed through ground teeth, " Our invincibility, our _curse_, doesn't give us the right to run at will, unchecked. We didn't create the world, did we? We have no right to light it on fire, just to watch it burn."

"And what did we do?!" Jasper asked irately, moving out of his chair just as the blond had, "Why are they coming for Alice when she did _nothing_ wrong. We don't hunt humans, we don't make ourselves known, we don't sire new vampires. What offense could they possibly raise against us?"

"I don't know," I said honestly, "They only told me to send word to Volterra once I found you. I know nothing else."

"Then why did you come here?!" Jasper yelled, his voice raising still, "If you're still with them, then why?!"

I felt my own rage build inexplicably and the haze returned, causing my mind to cease and stumble. How dare he speak to me that way, I had not been spoken to in that tone for all of my years. I wanted to attack. I wanted to lunge at him and rip his legs from his body and I did not know quite why. I tried to steady myself, just for a single moment, just to think and breathe. Why was I here? Auburn waves of hair, deep brown eyes, pale skin… It all flashed through the breaks in the fog.

_Yes, _I remembered, _Bella. _

"The girl," I said finally, admitting it to myself just as much as I was admitting it to them.

"We have no intention of harming Bella, Edward," Esme assured me," None of us. Alice saw you arrive and we just couldn't understand why you hadn't sought us out yet."

"And then I started seeing Bella all of a sudden," Alice piped up, adding to the explanation, "which was surprising to say the least – I didn't take her for your type – but we put two and two together and we figured at the very least, it would lure you out into the open."

She was telling the truth as far as I could tell, her mind and her words were mirror images.

"You have no intention to harm her?"

A chorus of 'no's and frustrated groans rang throughout the room. I turned to Carlisle.

"You swear it?"

"On my family. I swear."

I stood, addressing the entire room, "I will take your word for it, but I swear on her life that if you harm her, I will return. I will repay the debt."

I sighed," I'll leave Forks. I will not tell the Volturi that I found you. I will leave your family in peace."

I turned around, but I heard Alice's tinkling voice heavy for the first time.

"It's not enough, Edward. You have to help us."

"Help you?" I asked bewildered, turning back around, "How could I possibly help you more than I already have? I told you, I will not lead the Volturi here. You have the chance to run. _Take it_."

I hissed out the final words, it was the only choice they had if they wanted to survive. The Volturi always got what they wanted.

"They'll just keep chasing us," she said with pained eyes, "Even if you run, too. They'll find us and then they'll find you. You know they won't stop. It's _us_ they want."

"I can take care of myself."

"For now," she said, "but what happens when they have all of us? What happens then? Even you won't be able to hide from them."

"What do you mean, Alice?" I asked, finally allowing myself to say her name. I didn't like her this way, I liked her better when she was optimistic.

"They want all of us, Edward. Well, those of us with _abilities._"

"Your visions?" I asked rhetorically, the waves of comprehension came quickly, one after the other.

She shrugged," It would help them in some way wouldn't it?"

"And you don't want to go?"

I knew her answer, I knew all of their answers, before they said the words. I had helped the Volturi in this way before, gone on missions to help collect the vampires that would strengthen their claims to sovereignty over the vampire world. Never had anyone refused. In fact, most leapt at the chance. To be one of us, to live in our world, it was an honor. An honor and a curse, for it they wanted her, they would stop at nothing to have her. I knew as well as she did, maybe even better, that there was no way they would leave her in peace.

"Edward, we're different. We don't feed. Why would I want to be a Volturi? What could they possibly offer me that is better than this?"

I knew that she wasn't referring to our lush environment. She was referring to her home. Her family. Love. It was almost enough to pity her.

"I'm sorry," I said, moving toward the door again, "I cannot help you with that."

"Edward, please," she said, her voice thick with desperation.

I shook my head, trying to keep out their thoughts. All of emotions and words coursing through them was overpowering. The meathead brunette, _frustration._ The blond, _I told you so._ The kind-hearted woman, _broken-hearted. _The wavy-haired boy, _Anger._ The man, _disappointment. _The only thoughts that were not dejected, we not absolutely sure of my resolve was the girl, Alice.

She grabbed my hand, falling to her knees, "Please, Edward. _Please!_ I can't be one of them, I couldn't bear it. I would die first. Please, don't let them take me. You're my only hope."

I reached down, trying to pull her up by the arms, suddenly unafraid of touching her, wanting simply to comfort her. I gathered her shoulders between my hands, trying to look her in the face.

"Alice, why do you think I can help you? Why are you doing this? Do you understand what you're asking me for? You can see the future. Surely, you can see that they will not accept my betrayal, that whether I stand with you or not, they will still want you. You must know how all of this will end…"

"Alice's visions change," Carlisle interjected, "They can only predict what will happen given the state of everyone's mind at exactly that moment. The minute it changes… So does her vision."

"And what does that have to do with me?!" I released the girl, walking to the other end of the room, pacing from wall to window.

"We don't know." Jasper said, his voice softening for the first time.

"I cannot fight against them," I said after a moment's pause though the words formed and spilled out on their own, "They may not be my family, but they were my companions once, the way that the members of this coven are yours. How can I betray them for you? I hardly know you. I hardly just learned your names."

I didn't owe them anything. Who were they to me? They were nobodies. They were nothing. Their thoughts screamed their expectations. Give up everything I knew? My safety? My solace? For them?

"And I suppose that if I don't help you, you'll use the girl against me?" I said reverting back to my suspicions. They seemed too well intentioned.

"No, Edward. We won't."

Carlisle said it suddenly; it was almost cold. Rising from his seat he seemed dejected, yet he offered a hand to me nevertheless. I took it, grasping it firmly in my own, searching his eyes for hidden truths that maybe his mind would not express.

"I'll keep my promise," I said, releasing his hand, "I will not tell them you were here. I have no intention of returning to them, so your secrets are safe with me."

"Thank you, Edward. I understand how insurmountable that first step into a new direction seems. I left Volterra once too."

I nodded my head, I remembered it now. Aro and Caius mentioned that one of the new coven was an old friend.

He walked me to the door as we left the fretting thoughts of the others in the living room.

"Leaving," I said suddenly, turning to him before I made my exit, "Was it worth it? Do you ever regret it?"

He pulled back the heavy wooden oak, the cold air of fall whipping all around us, his flaxen hair fluttering only slightly in the wind. He shut his eyes for a moment, his face the picture of tranquility. A small smile adorned his face as he lost himself in his thoughts.

"I lived a hundred years of torture before I found them. I would live one hundred more if it meant just one lifetime with them. I suppose to have had happiness this long is more than any being, human or not, could ever ask for. Ever dream of…"

He opened his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in a familiar way.

"I hope you find what you are looking for," he said honestly.

"I hope that your family finds a way through this," I responded in turn.

He nodded with a tight smile as I walked through the door, back into the night.

"Goodbye, Edward."

"Goodbye, Carlisle."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The door shut behind me, yet something held me back. I paused for a moment, turning back to the house, trying to tune out the voices that still rang clearly in my head. They were strategizing, grasping at straws from the sound of it. The brown-haired woman, Esme, her mind was the worst. I had never known such sorrow in our kind. I saw her replay a scene in her mind. It was a cliff overlooking a quarry, there was water nearby, the slates of grey broke in shards all around. The viewpoint overlooked the cliff's edge and then suddenly the clear colors of the memory streaked in moving lines and faded into black.

"Edward."

I whipped around, caught off guard. Jasper was standing there, the white light from the house creeping through the windows in the door he shut behind us.

"I can't, Jasper. I am sorry, truly, I am."

"Do you love her?"

He didn't have to say her name for me to know whom he was referring to.

"She has nothing to do with our world. Loving her or not, it makes no difference."

He ignored my protests, taking a step closer still.

"Do you _love_ her, Edward?"

To deny it now would be futile. He was sure of my answer in his mind.

"Yes, I love her."

"Then help us, Edward, because I love Alice too."

I knew not what I was doing, not what I was agreeing to, not even why I did it, but he swept away my last ounce of defiance with those words and then too quickly, in the single beat of a heart, I was with them.

"I can make no promises. I will tell you what I can, I will vouch for you, but that is all that I can do. Even then, it may not be enough."

His thoughts screamed of victory… Of gratitude… But I knew it was premature.

"Keep your 'thank you's, Jasper. We know not what awaits us on the other side of this unknown…"

**A/N: Oh Snap! Edward finally met the Cullens! The whole 'Take-Alice' thing was something from BD that I totally understood. Her power is the best out of ALL of 'em.**

**Oh, and BT Dub, I'm getting off front street. I can't pretend I don't love and want the reviews. So go ahead, clickity click… Thus, the next chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! Real life and all that. **

**Oh, btw, Bella's back. : wink :**

**Btw II, I totally borrowed some of this from Midnight Sun. Just FYI. I HAD to do it, I'm sorry.**

**One more thing, last one, I swear! Lots of hearts and stars for Lalalovely47 for beta-ing this chapter. Seriously, I shouldn't be keeping you from more important things, but your notes for this chapter definitely highlighted some of my ... questionable... plot choices. Haha. Thank you!**

…………………………**..**

I agreed too easily. I knew that. Even now, as I sat waiting for the rest of the Cullen brood to return home from their unneeded high school education I didn't attempt to deny it.

I swept a fallen leaf off the porch with the toe of my boot, bored. Straying to the edge of the deck and grabbing the rail, I looked to the windows above me.

_Hmmm. She isn't there._

That was uncharacteristic of her. I had been coming to the Cullen residence for quite a few days now, more than a week, and Esme always anticipated my arrival from the second floor window above the stairs. For the first few days, she tried inviting me inside, but I declined her invitation however nicely it was delivered. She left me alone now, and it was better this way. I was already more invested in the coven than I should have been, aiding them in even the small ways that I had was a certain betrayal to the Volturi. There was no need for unnecessary pleasantries.

And that was how our daily meetings went. No fake exchanges on my part, no embellishments. I sat with them for a few hours everyday and told them what I could. They occasionally peppered me with questions, but it was all very formal. They expected my afternoon visits, yet they knew I wasn't giving them everything I could; their thoughts made the accusations that their manners would not allow. Alice updated me with her visions first and Jasper followed up, asking me about battle scenarios in the past. I tried to be honest without being too giving of information. I still hoped that this was all for naught, that somehow all of this would end without a war. I needed no more blood on my hands – a lifetime's worth was enough.

The door opened behind me. Apparently she wasn't done trying. I turned around, ready to politely refuse the invitation I had come to expect.

"Edward, I don't want to worry you, but they're late."

I looked to the hiding sun, the clouds were particularly thick today. I frowned. Its position was a few degrees off from where it should have been. I didn't notice it before. There seemed to be many things I wasn't noticing lately.

"How late?"

"Maybe 15 or so minutes? They've taken their time getting home in the past, but not since you arrived…" she trailed off, her thoughts not particularly worried, coming out of the house more for my patience than hers, "It's just that I know you don't like waiting."

I nodded, "Thank you, Esme. I'm sure they'll be by shortly."

"You might want to go check on them? They'll be at school."

I shook my head, "It's fine. I'm sure it's a matter of minutes."

She smiled at me, closing the door and going back into the house to do whatever it was she was doing before. I had no idea what she did all day when Carlisle was at the hospital and the others were at school. I wasn't bothered enough to ask or even to care enough to search through her thoughts, so I resumed my waiting on the porch.

I walked to the far end of the wraparound deck, dragging my feet just to hear the sound, something to interrupt the monotony of the wait. It was almost blissfully quiet this deep in the woods, so easy to hear any movement that it was a predator's playground. Of course, I'm sure they had to venture further into the forest to find anything worth hunting, but it wasn't a bad location. It was somewhere between the untamed wild of the nature preserve and the paved oppression of the town, a kind of nature-purgatory.

_Purgatory._

My step caught on a lifted plank and I corrected my step before my body shifted, but the word is what impeded by stride.

_Purgatory, indeed._

It was fitting, it seemed to be exactly where I was living these days. Not quite in my own personal hell, but just on the precipice. I would have to leave as soon as this issue with the Cullens was resolved, but there was no foreseeable end it seemed. I suppose I should not have desired a resolution. After all, it would be back to the first few decades of my life, back to the loneliness, no place to call home, no companionship. But I had no other choice did I? No, it was only a matter of time.

I couldn't go back now, not when the temptations of Volterra didn't seem quite as appealing. How could I return when I knew what life _could_ be? That conversations might actually be two-sided? That someone might have interest in me beyond my talents? How could I return when I knew that I could actually feel something? I was weary. Tired even. Tired of thinking, tired of being melancholic, tired of… waiting.

The shrouded sun had moved further in the sky. They really were later than usual.

I called out to Esme, raising my voice just slightly to let her know I was leaving to find them. I heard her say her goodbye from just beyond the door. She never left the spot until well after I was gone, it was as if she thought I might change my mind one day. That eventually, I would come inside, that eventually, I would stay...I took off at a run, irritated with the Cullens. _They seemed to be taking things so seriously...to grow complacent now was just bad form._

…………………………………………..

I stopped at the forest's edge, just beyond the school's parking lot. I knew that there were no other vampires to be wary of now, but there was the new problem of avoiding _her. _I had done a fairly good job for the past week, not that it wasn't difficult. It was nearly impossible, but it was also black and white. I had no choice but to leave her. Nothing had changed since I made my decision before I confronted the Cullens. The fact that they were not the enemy was of no consequence, keeping from her was still the only way to keep her safe.

I scanned the parking lot, looking for a different car this time, and noticed Emmett's off-road vehicle almost immediately. Hell, it was hard to miss being the monstrosity that it was. Emmett and Jasper stood against the passenger side, their rather large figures looking almost comically small against the body of the SUV, its entire length in my line of vision.

I walked toward them with a questioning look on my face as Jasper said something to Emmett with a pointed look. Emmett shook his head, mumbling, taking great care to make sure whatever he was saying was inaudible. I should have known there was a reason that they were late, why they were acting strange even now, but again my instincts were off, just slightly. I should have made the attempt to delve into their thoughts, but suddenly _she_ was invading all of my senses and my body was incapacitated at the promise of her presence.

I smelled her before I saw her, two seconds too late to turn back, my mind suddenly catching up with my body's desire. She looked up the moment she emerged out of the car's profile, speaking in hushed tones as she walked flanked by an excited Alice and a bored Rosalie. She stopped, Alice's smile dying on her lips before she followed Bella's gaze. Rosalie was next, the tight line of her pursed lips crinkling into a smile at Bella's following gasp.

And with a single look I felt more guilty than I ever had.

_Guilt._ It was a new emotion. That list was growing yet again.

I approached the group of them – my perfect Bella amidst the cabal of Judas'– because it was too late to disappear now. I felt the way I imagined a dog did after being scolded by its owner: tail between my legs.

I knew that it wasn't just the overcast skies that smothered the glint in her eye, after the surprise came the smirk. _An interesting choice._ It was new, as was the guilt.

"Hello Isabella."

"Edward." My name on her lips soothed me in the ways I had nearly forgotten. I was in a waking dream yet again, simply with the sound of her voice.

I saw the barely-masked panic of my face in the mirror of Bella's eyes; she seemed unnaturally stoic. The smirk had fallen and all that remained was a blank slate. Her heart told the same story as it marched steadily in her chest. It never lied and the truth added pain to the guilt. The silence coursed through us, the two of us staring at each other wordlessly, the minds of the four others screaming commentary in my head.

_Dude, you have to say something, _Emmett.

_Stupid,_ Rosalie.

_Poor guy, _Jasper's pity was the worst, _At least I __**know**__ that Alice loves me…this girl doesn't even look like she can stand him…_

My head shot to the side for just a split-second to scowl at Jasper. Alice shushed me in her mind, but pitied me the most. Hers was more useful. She broke the silence.

"Bella, I didn't know that you knew _our_ Edward."

"Your, Edward?" Bella questioned without skipping a beat.

"Yeah, he's part of our…_extended_ family."

I could almost see the cogs turning in Bella's head, piecing together all of the lies that I had told her weeks ago, creating a barely believable narrative.

"So these are the long, lost friends you were looking for then," she said it quickly, a flippant comment to match her attitude.

"Well," she stopped herself just for a breath before she finished, "I guess you won't have to leave town…_disappointed._"

The pause. The lack of words. The indifference, feigned or not. The curt comment. She did it on purpose, I reasoned with myself. She wasn't so completely unaffected. I flattered myself with the thought, for the inverse was too unbearable to fathom. That she might have already moved on, that I might already be a distant memory in her mind when she was still so encompassing of everything in mine was the worst type of heartbreak.

_Edward! Say something!_

Alice voice trilled frantically in my head, and had she the misfortune of being able to read my mind, she would have heard a particularly offensive chain of indelicate protests. All of them differing variations on words that I should not have even been thinking, let alone saying, in Bella's presence.

_It wasn't my idea to talk to her, _Emmett's voice chimed in.

_I had nothing to do with it, _Jasper's cautious tone followed shortly after.

_I hope she's mad at you forever._ Rosalie, of course. Why she was so predisposed to disliking me I had no clue.

I scolded myself as we stood there, at an impasse, guilty yet again for wanting her to care enough to be angry with me. But she remained silent, continued on with the conversation that she and Alice were having before I had arrived.

She turned away from me slightly, facing Alice completely, "So that biology test, chapters three through six. Mr. Modena said if we memorize the terms in the back and do the discussion questions, we should be more than prepared. Not that _you'll _have to study at all…"

"Oh Bella," Alice breathed with an air of resignation, "You're probably doing better in bio than I am…"

She shrugged, "I doubt it."

Alice's plans flashed in my mind and the words were out before I could stop them.

"So…are you doing anything right now? Do you want to get something to eat? The diner shouldn't be too busy at this hour…"

I dueled between hoping desperately that Bella might accept and wanting to give Alice a none-too-gentle shove for asking, but I liked her too much, even now. Even when she was meddling, sticking her nose in places where it didn't belong. She was my favorite of the Cullen brood, yes, but every shred of goodwill that she had garnered with me was quickly being turned into kindling. Someone would burn for this, yet I wasn't completely sure that it would not be me.

"No, nothing to do…but I'm not hungry. The diner doesn't sound very appetizing right now, to be honest."

The double meanings of her words were not lost on me as Alice's face was crestfallen. She tried to be cheerful despite the rebuffed invitation.

"Well, next time then? I mean, we have _so_ many classes together…we should hang out. We could be study-buddies or something!"

Bella's demeanor softened at Alice's words. Even I felt the sincerity in them.

"Sure Alice. Why don't you take my number? We can study for our Calculus midterm together."

She pulled the phone out of her back pocket, taking Alice's as she held out her own.

I heard the growl tumble out of my throat, a background noise to the digital beeping sounds of numbers being exchanged, but if Bella noticed it, she didn't show it. Alice's thoughts however, were not as kind.

_What?! _Alice's mind challenged me, _Just because you're not talking to her anymore doesn't mean that I can't!_

Another growl in response, there were no words to describe what I was feeling. No. Maybe there was one.

My jealousy was uncontrollable in my throat, the sounds of my protest were the least of it all. In that moment I was jealous of everything! Jealous of Alice and her easy camaraderie with Bella; the way she smiled at her made me boil over with resentment, but still it was only half as infuriating as the way that Bella smiled back. I was jealous of her sweater, which molded and touched and swathed every part of her, needing no bridled discipline, no conscience. I was jealous of the hand that swept the hair out of her eyes and brushed against her cheek as she made attempts to argue with the persistent Northwestern winds. To touch her cheek! It would have been more than enough! Hell, I was even jealous of Rosalie who could stare at her if she wished, whenever she wanted to during the long hours that they spent together at school…but my jealousy was wordless. It hadn't found its voice even as Bella took back her phone and said her goodbyes.

"I guess I'll see you later then, Alice?"

"Yeah! First period tomorrow…can't wait, right?"

Bella laughed at Alice's sarcasm. The jealous beast inside of me snarled wildly.

She took few steps back, craning her neck to make eye contact with the others who stood close by, pretending not to be immersed in every second of our tense exchange.

"Bye Jasper! Bye Rosalie! I'll see you tomorrow in Econ, Em. "

My head whipped to the side, though not for Jasper this time. What surprised me was the easy way she spoke to Emmett. He posed as a senior! They had no reason to have classes together! It was too cruel! And a nickname?! Jealous did not even begin to describe the feeling…

_What? _Emmett asked innocently in his mind, _We have Advanced Placement Economics together. She's ahead a year in some of her classes and she sits across from me. Smart… and pretty._ _Smells good too. Did I not mention that before?_

He laughed a little at his own teasing as he took the opportunity to prod me again, "Yup. See you tomorrow, _Bells._"

He stressed the 's' at the end of her name, holding it for a little longer than my patience would allow. I nearly lunged at him then, but had the presence of mind to remember that Bella was standing just feet from me. I turned away from his grin to gauge her reaction, but she was already walking away from us, the curling ends of her hair waving the goodbye that her words had not bothered to spare.

I didn't turn away, didn't even try to pretend that I wasn't staring after her, even as her truck pulled out onto the main road.

_Uhm, that went…well?_

I glared at Alice, my eyes following the bouncing crown of raven hair as she fidgeted nervously in her place.

"No questions today." I barely forced out the snarling words for them to hear, "Not today."

_Edward! Wait!_

Alice pleaded with me to stay, though her thoughts were unapologetic. I may have even heard her take the first few steps to follow me, but I was too fast even for her. I was already deep into the forest before she had finished the words…

……………………………………………………….

"He'll come back, Esme. I saw it…"

"He's been gone for three days, Alice!" Esme scolded, "You shouldn't have done what you did! If he wants to stay away from her he should be able to. You can't make him pursue her."

"He's _going_ to do it…he's just wasting his time and hers."

I stopped in my tracks, Alice's words cutting into me as if my heart was made of paper rather than steel. I was approaching the front door of the Cullen house for the first time in three days. It had taken me that long to wallow in my own misery. Yet that misery was only a trifling to what I felt at that moment. _He's _going_ to do it…_ What did that mean? Surely not that…I couldn't…wouldn't…

"You don't know that for certain, Alice." Carlisle's baritone voice was heavy with the skepticism that surely laced his features.. I knew the man well enough to know this, even with a wall separating us.

"Shh…" Alice hissed, "I told you he would come. He's here. Oh…he's not coming in?"

Her light footsteps barely touched the ground before I heard the door creak open behind me.

"Going to do what?" I asked without warning, "Change her?"

"No, Edward! That's not what I meant…"

She flew toward me, grabbing my arm to keep me from running.

"I meant…chase her. You're going to try, at least. She hasn't made up her mind yet. You really pissed her off. Everything keeps changing."

The relief flooded me, so overwhelming that I thought I might collapse from the sheer force of it.

"So she will stay the way she is? She won't become…one of us?"

She hesitated and it was enough to kill the growing light within me, the darkness was rolling in, faster than the reason. I prepared to run again, to flee from the threat of her silence for I knew what it could mean, but her words stopped me when her outstretched hand could not.

"No, not that. At least I don't think so, Edward.."

I wrenched my arm from her, my eyes narrowing into slits as I gave her an incredulous look.

"You don't 'think so,' Alice?! What use are your visions if all you can say of them is you don't 'think so?!'"

Her hands flew to her hips and her eyes were brazen in their storming rage.

"It's not _my visions_ that are the problem, Edward!" she yelled, "It's you! So don't you go blaming me when it's your mind that isn't made up! I can't change the future!"

"My mind?!" I roared at her, "My mind is already made up! It has been made up since I came to see you! And damn it all to hell, Alice, what good has that done me?!"

On some level, I was vaguely aware of the fact that the rest of the coven was hanging on our every word. They had never dared to ask me anything beyond my experience as a guard. Esme's single attempt to inquire about my life outside of my association with the Volturi was met with a resounding silence and the topic was never broached again. Until now…

"Don't go blaming this on us, Edward! _You're_ the one that messed things up with her. You helping us may just be the only reason you stay long enough to fix things!"

"Fix things?! There is nothing to fix! Can't you see that?! I can't have her, Alice! I can't have anything! Not love, not family, not even peace!"

"That's not true!"

I threw up my arms, turning away from her. There were no words to express how vehemently I disagreed.

"It's not!" she protested again, "I've seen it, Edward! You and her. Together! And you're happy, Edward! I swear I saw it, just a flicker, but it was there!You just have to make up _your _mind."

I collapsed onto the bottom step of the porch, exhausted with the weight of her accusations. Beautiful as they were – and they were perfect – there was no way they could have possibly been true.

"Why are you doing this, Alice?"

My words were weary with the burden of a million dashed hopes and a million more impossible dreams. Misery was bearable, but to keep wishing for even the hope to hope? It was more agonizing than her scent multiplied a thousand fold. It was more agonizing than death.

She came to sit beside me, her side flush against mine. She grabbed my hand, clasping it tightly in hers. Her mind was warm with an affection that I had never experienced firsthand. I had heard it before, among the best of friends, between siblings, but never directed at me. I fought the urge to – to what? – I didn't know quite what.

"You're not _bad._ Fate just made a mistake with you. Put you in the wrong place. You should have been here, with us, Edward. You should have been here all along."

At the sincerity of her words, the kindness that threatened to swallow me whole, I realized exactly what that urge was. It was the urge to _hug _her, to show her some sort of affection. I let my head hang into my chest, sighing as she squeezed my hand sympathetically. _Affection, the type that wasn't solely for Bella. _The list of new emotions was quickly turning into a novel.

She turned into me, her tiny hand still encasing mine as she reached around with her other arm. She flipped our hands so that she could pat the top of mine with hers.

"I know. It sucks, doesn't it?"

I sighed wearily, not exactly appreciating her teenage slang, but understanding it nevertheless.

"Yes, Alice. 'Sucks' does not even begin to explain it."

She shook my hand loose, getting up with her characteristic rapid-change in attitude.

"Then you should make up with her!"

I groaned, my head sinking further into my chest, my hands catching it.

"Alice…" I said forebodingly.

"No, Edward! If you don't want to change her, then don't! It's up to you and I think you can do it!"

Her optimistic enthusiasm lifted me just an inch, yet I still had no grounds to hope.

"And keep her safe? How can I do that?"

"From the Volturi?"

I shrugged. Yes, from the Volturi, but not just from them. From everything, from me…

"I haven't seen them for a while, Edward! And since you've been here, I haven't seen anything at all! See? I told you! You being here has made all the difference!"

"It doesn't matter," I said honestly.

Volturi or not, keeping her safe was my only life's mission, something at which I would not fail. If I had to spend the rest of my existence eliminating every possible threat so that she might have some semblance of safety from the scourge that I introduced into her life, I would. If there was nothing else in this world that I was sure of, it was that I would defend her to the end of the world's edge and back. Volturi be damned.

"Doesn't matter?" Alice asked, the surprise of my statement causing her pitch to rise higher than usual.

"I can keep her from the Volturi. If I have to run with her for the rest of her life, I swear to whatever God this world may have, she _will_ be safe from them…that is the very least I can give her. And besides," I sighed dejectedly, "They could care less about humans. A dime a dozen to them, she wouldn't matter."

"Then what is the problem, Edward?!" She was flapping her arms so frantically I thought she might lift into flight, but she remained, just barely, on solid ground.

"It doesn't change the fact that I don't know how to keep her safe from _me._"

"What?!" she shrieked, "I already told you! You won't change her!"

I got up, suddenly the tension that had gathered in my muscles was nearly bursting for a means of release.

"Even if I don't change her, Alice…can I deny her? For how long? It is only a matter of time before I lose control! What then? What if I kill her? I should not have tempted fate for as long as I did!"

"You won't, Edward! You were with her for nearly a month and you never even wavered, not once!"

"A month, Alice! _One_! How many years can I stand her? How many decades can I possibly be so vigilant? All it will take is one second! One breath! One heartbeat! One irresponsible touch! One errant flash of the forbidden. ONE!"

"Edward..." she said, her voice losing its resolve.

"No, Alice. No! Even if I can bare it, even if I can pull off feats of Herculean strength, she will age…she will grow and mature and notice that I haven't and then how can I…if I can…even if…"

I choked back a tearless sob as I stumbled through the words, not caring which of the Cullens was witness to such complete weakness. The crack in the foundation was exposed now, what did it matter if the whole wall came tumbling down?

"And what?" Alice asked with such heartbreaking sympathy that I had to fight the urge to seek solace in her embrace yet again.

"And then she won't want me anymore! If I tell her, she won't want me! And that, Alice, that I really could not bear."

"Edward — " she breathed.

"No," I interrupted, shaking my head, "It's better this way."

"How can it be?" Alice asked with agonizing simplicity, "How can it be better when you don't have her? You _love_ her, Edward. Trust me when I tell you, that is the _only_ thing that matters."

"I don't know…it just _has_ to be…it has to."

Alice sat silently as the finality of my words washed over her. After a moment of our silent despair – hers as much as mine, she loved Bella too though she barely knew her – she went into some sort of strange trance, her eyelids fluttering as she stared into space.

Then, suddenly, she was back from wherever she went to. I had no desire to delve into her mind even as her eyes became brilliant with newfound hope.

She had a small smile on her face but her thoughts were seeping with wordless elation.

"Just do _one_ thing for me, Edward. Promise?"

I sighed, knowing that this little thing of a girl had already wheedled herself into the small cracks in my heart, the only spaces that weren't full of Bella.

"Fine, Alice. What is it?"

"Go and see her tonight, in her room, after she goes to sleep. Just let yourself say goodbye, if only for the fact that it will give you some closure."

I nodded wearily; the protests would fall on deaf ears and I was eager for the conversation to be over.

"But I am telling you now, assuring you, nothing will come of it. It will only break my heart that much more…"

She laughed and the easiness of the sound should have been a warning, but I was too deep in my own self-pity to give it a second thought.

"Don't worry, Edward," she said, barely able to stifle a giggle, "I don't think it can get much worse."

……………………………………

I stole into her room that night. I never made promises that I would not keep, and the fact that I knew this _would_ be the last time was the sole reason that the guilt did not pollute the cause. The guilt, the shame, the dying hope, the misery – there would be time for all of that, there would be forever for that, but not now. Now, while she was sleeping, was the time for loving her passionately, with all of myself.

Even asleep she was undeniable. The discarded tangle of sheets framed her delicate figure and she was the picture of everything beautiful in this tortured world. The whispering breaths that danced from her lips reminded me of her frail humanity and it made her even more perfect still. I tried to picture what heaven life could be if only I were the sheets that laced through her body, but it was more than I could wish for. Being here, sitting in the far corner of her room, a bystander – even that was too much. She sighed, almost as if she was awake and I should have fled, but everything about her was designed to draw me in.

"Edward…"

The sighing melody of my name was my undoing. The discipline of a century melted away and I was already at her side before she spoke again.

"Edward…I love you."

And with those simple words, every protest I had built fell away. Time stopped. Infinity, eternity, forever – the words that plagued my entire existence, the words that taunted and teased and broke me suddenly weren't long enough. Thousands of sleepless nights and yet it was only after I heard her whisper my name and those words, just once, that suddenly I was dreaming. And not the waking dreams, easy to break, unbearably fragile. No, this dream was real… was flawless… was complete. My name on her lips freed me. A lifetime of servitude and suddenly, too easily, I was liberated.

With those simple, beautiful words I knew that I could never know a life without her. I had no more choice of leaving her than the sun had of rising. It was the natural order of the world. To deny her – deny _us_ – would be to deny the world light. To deny the world life. And a life is what I would give her, for however long she would have me, in whatever way she wanted me.

I let myself be swept up in the fantasy of it all as I imagined our life together: me, giving all of myself to her. Her, wanting me barely as much as I lived for her, but it was enough. The words confirmed it, it was all the justification I needed, the only absolution.

I thought I might cry from the beauty of it, the perfection, but she stirred again. I froze, desperate to hear the words once more. Too greedy, but it did not matter now. I would take this from her, but I would give her everything in return.

"Edward, I – I – " She barely breathed my name and on bated breath I waited, "I — "

I wanted to shake her awake! Hold her, have her, beg her to say the words again. Even in her sleep she tortured me! Even in her sleep I was a slave to her every whim!

"Edward, I – " I moved to her side, my hand stretched forward to wake her, but her words came first, through clenched teeth, " – Edward, I hate you."

_What?!_

………………………………………**.**

**A/N: I know, right? 'WHAT?!", indeed.**

**Go ahead. Review. Tell me you hate me, even that will make me put up the next chapter faster.**


	11. Chapter 11

…………………………………………**..**

**EdwardPOV**

I recoiled at the words, too shocked or too delusional to believe them at first. But had I any doubt that I heard them correctly, she said them again.

"… Hate…. you," she sighed, turning restlessly onto her side, "Stupid jerk…"

My eyes went wide as I leaned in closer. Caution to the wind now, it was so far gone it may as well have been back in Volterra.

"Mmm, love," she mumbled.

I collapsed back into the corner, wrapping my arms around my body tightly to keep myself from shaking her awake. I loved her, yes, but perhaps I also loathed her.

Why did she have to be so confusing?! Perhaps it was punishment, God's way of giving me everything, but conditionally. The words of authors and poets blazed through my mind. Love is free? _Right._ What did those old, cosseted men know of love? Nothing, I surmised. How could any person, immortal or not, put pen to paper in the face of such overwhelming confusion?

Her volatility seemed out of character for the Bella I knew, yet still I was reacting. Did I trust her in her sleep? If I did, if I believed the words of love, then surely I had to believe the words of hate. But despite it all, I knew I loved her more than I loathed her. _Confusing, indeed._

Was this how humans felt all the time? Battling constantly between their demons and better angels? I always believed that humanity was simple, that for them the choices would come easily.

In my more introspective moments of self-examination I was sure that everything was in black and white. My life in Volterra had been particularly easy in light of this fact. I was a warden for order, all other qualifications be damned. If I was doomed to the half-life of immortality, I would do with it the best that I could. But now black and white seemed almost childlike in its assessment. With her words she roused in me every dueling emotion that had no placement in the spectrum of the light and the dark.

She stirred again, the contradiction of the ethereal smile on her face robbing me of even my desire to stay. I grimaced, leaning over to push the window open. I slipped out, my eyes never leaving her face, the disdain growing still. I gathered the tension in my haunches, briefly contemplating leaving the window open just to spite her, but closed it softly behind me. There was time for retaliation yet…

………………………**..**

I raced through the open field, my vision bleary with the watercolors of passing shadows, variations on green and black being the only differentiation in the blur. I traveled at breakneck speed, not caring who might see me, the newfound irresponsibility was yet another freed shackle. I slowed only when I was nearly upon the house. I should have known that she would be waiting. She was already bouncing around impatiently on the bottom step of the porch as I broke through the wall of trees. Her chiming laughter rang clear through the silent night as she saw me bound toward her. I saw myself in her mind, and the laughter seemed even more misplaced, I looked positively crazed.

She put her hands in front of her, as if prepared to fend me off, but her laughter did not cease, "Don't worry! It's not a bad thing!"

"Not a bad thing, Alice! What do you mean it's not a bad thing?!"

Her steady, echoing laughter had caught the attention of the others in the house, I could hear them mulling around windows and doors, trying to get a visual to accompany the audio commentary. I could tell from their piqued curiosity that Alice had not told them what she saw in her vision. Emmett's thoughts assaulted me first, his voice was booming even in my head. I groaned as I heard a window open on the far corner of the house. He poked his thick head out and I had the fleeting image of shutting that window… right over his neck.

"What's going on out here?" he called out, the teasing already dripping in every word.

He was speaking to Alice more than he was speaking to me, he knew better. I tried to cut her off before she answered, but while I may have been faster than her in a footrace, her mouth traveled at lightening speed.

"Ali—"

"--Edward's having girl problems!"

I snarled at her, bearing my teeth, and all that she had for me was a smug smile to match her thoughts. I heard her intentions taunting me, clear as could be, she didn't care if I could read her mind or not. Her threat was shockingly brazen – she would have made an excellent Guard -- she was going to drag me into this family whether I liked it or not, kicking and screaming if need be.

"Problems getting a girl?" Emmett guffawed as he launched himself out of the open window, "And Bella Swan of all humans? That's unbelievable. She's hardly the type to play hard-to-get."

I was rushing at him with bad intentions before he even hit the ground. I didn't appreciate his tone. Not when he was speaking about Isabella.

"And what does that mean?" I sneered, my hands dangerously close to attacking his exposed throat.

"Whoa, easy there buddyboy," Emmett said smiling, trying to diffuse the situation.

He clapped me on the back and had his words not placated me, his thoughts were more reassuring. I took a step out of his personal space, leaving him barely enough room to explain himself.

"I only meant," he said eying me suspiciously as he turned his back to me to join Alice on the porch,"… that Bella Swan is easily the nicest, sweetest, kindest girl in all of Forks."

"So?" I asked genuinely, trying not to let on just how badly I wanted his insight.

"So I find it surprising that you're having a hard time charming her. Which isn't to say that she's easy," he amended quickly, seeing the tightening of my jaw, " ...She never gives any of those bozos at school the time of day, but up until a few weeks ago it seemed like she was really starting to like you."

He stifled a chuckle and cut himself off, but his mind was still running. He did well to shield me from most of it. He was already picking up the tricks that made reading him more difficult. It was surprising that he was the first to attempt to cloud his mind from me. I assumed that Alice would be the first to figure it out. Yet, as I heard only flashes of a conversation between the two of them amidst a rapid recitation of Black's Law Dictionary I knew that, again, I had underestimated his intelligence.

"Emmett…" I warned, already tired of the game.

He laughed again, this time with Alice joining him, their two laughs a harmony of teasing and mockery that I wasn't sure would go unpunished.

"I'm just having a little fun, Edward," he said easily, "You should try it sometime."

Alice looked up at me from her seated position on the porch, a small smile on her face, "Seriously, Edward, you're always so… Sullen."

With the most uncomfortable, most self-loathing, most relentless sort of embarrassment I ground out the question that I thought would never come from my lips, "Emmett…. Did she _say_ anything about me?"

Alice clapped her hands together with a patronizing round of applause," Good job, Edward!"

As if my shame wasn't enough, Jasper walked out of the front door, taking a silent place beside Alice. Even for human eyes, the smirk would have been difficult to miss.

"Well," Emmett started slowly, "I didn't even know she was talking about you at first. She came into Econ about a month ago, all smiles, and you know me… I couldn't help but ask."

When he paused again, appraising my reaction, I wanted nothing more than to strangle him at exactly that moment. He was clearly taking pleasure in mocking me and meddling, he was just as bad as Alice. No, the enjoyment he was getting out of this was too great, he may have even been worse.

"And?" Alice asked for me almost immediately.

She was growing impatient as well. And irritated, too. She hadn't known of this particular conversation between the two of them and her displeasure at being kept out of the gossip gave me just a small bit of satisfaction.

"And," Emmett continued, " after much prodding on my part, she finally admitted to there _maybe_ a guy in the picture."

Emmett shrugged, his thoughts suddenly clear of the mindless recitation.

"That's it?" Alice practically shrieked, "How can that be it?"

"That's it," Emmett said with finality, "After a few weeks, she went all quiet and gloomy for a few days. Then, after that little lover's tiff in the parking lot the other d--"

He stopped for a moment. I could tell he was trying to suppress a smile at Jasper's interrupting chuckle.

Alice elbowed her partner swiftly in the ribs, warning him out of the corner of her eye, "Go on, Em. After the parking lot, what?"

"Like I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted," Emmett said with mock-indignation, glaring at Jasper – If I didn't kill one of them tonight, it would be a small miracle -- "She wasn't so much dark and gloomy as much as she was… Well, pissed off is really the only way to describe it, I guess? More than pissed off…raging bitch is probably a better description. And considering that this _is _Bella Swan we are talking about, that's really saying something…"

"Oh GOD," Alice said with wide eyes, "That means she actually _meant_ it!"

"Meant what?" Emmett and Jasper said at the same time, laughing immediately at their shared interest, the two of leaning into the conversation like two teenaged girls.

I shook my head at Alice, warning her," Don't."

"But, Edddwaaaaard."

"No, Alice."

"But…"

"I mean it. Don't."

The faint chirping of crickets permeated the silence as she and I stared at one another, challenging the other to break first.

"Meant what?!"

Four sets of eyes shot to the window above the stairs where Rosalie sat perched in the window, quickly trying to pretend she wasn't completely invested in the conversation. _Great, the bitch has something to add too?_

"Not that I care or anything," she amended quickly, "but you can't start a story and not finish it."

She tumbled out of the window with a flourish that I was beginning to believe was characteristic of her behavior. She liked fancy appearances.

She scooted to the far post of the porch, throwing her legs into Emmett's lap as she leaned back onto her elbows, her blond hair nearly brushing the wooden planks of the deck.

"Well?" she asked, trying not to sound too intrigued.

The three other sets of eyes shot back to my face, Alice's urging voice pushing out any rationale thought. Besides, what did it matter now, they all knew the depth of my obsession, trying to hide it was useless.

"Fine, go ahead."

"EdwardwenttoseeBellainherroomaftershewenttosleepandshesaidshehateshim."

She said it so quickly in less than a breath that it was difficult even for our sensitive ears to pick up. Difficult, but not impossible, that much I could surmise from Emmett and Jasper's raucous laughter.

"I was right!" Jasper spoke up for the first time, pointing at me, "She can't stand you!"

Rosalie was biting at her lip, still trying not to smile, but her thoughts were the most interesting of the lot. _Doghouse, there's no doubt about it, and he'll have a hell of a time getting out of it._

"But you do think she'll forgive me?" I asked, looking straight at her.

She drew herself up from her elbows, launching herself easily into Emmett's lap. She sighed, tossing a lock of her blond hair behind her.

"I don't know. Maybe."

I turned to Alice with pleading eyes.

"It depends on what you do next, Edward. Like I said, everything with you and Bella keeps changing."

"I didn't do _anything._"

"Then why does she hate you?" Emmett asked.

"She said she loves me, too," I admitted almost bashfully, counting the blades of grass at my feet.

"Ohhh!" Alice squealed, shooting up from her seat on the step, "And you actually admitted it without any prodding!"

The entire scenario was getting weird, too weird, bizarre. I suddenly felt naked in front of these vampires that I barely knew.

I cleared my throat," I should get going."

Alice rolled her eyes, but the change in my demeanor was clear even to her. I'd had my fill for the evening.

"Fine," she agreed, ignoring the sound of protest coming out of Emmett's throat, "But we _will_ see you tomorrow, right?"

"Yes," I said honestly, still unable to look at them, "Of course."

The awkward and abrupt end to our almost human conversation had me wanting desperately to flee. I was nearly off before Alice's petite hand caught my arm.

"You're going to have to apologize, Edward."

"But I didn't do anything," I repeated.

"You disappeared."

"I'll have to disappear eventually," I sighed, admitting the certain truth.

"Maybe," she smiled at me, "but not yet… Not tonight."

I smiled at her genuinely, the awkward feelings already a memory. In her thoughts she charitably flicked through the still images of her vision.

"No, Alice…not tonight."

……………………………**..**

I would apologize.

I hated to do it, didn't want to do it, loathed myself to do it.

But I saw no other option… Alice showed me her visions and in them I was here. Waiting for Isabella at her truck.

I leaned heavily against the door, flecks of cracking paint poking at my skin, reminding me that the truck, while significantly more durable that its modern counterparts, was also very, very old. The responding groan of its parts at the removal of my weight made me briefly wonder just how very old it was, probably not too many years less than me.

I heard Angela first, she was the most reliable, silently thanking the merciful clock. School was nearly over, they were already gathering their things. I straightened in my spot, loosening the tension shoulders, wanting to look slightly less vigilant. I could not help it. It was my natural stance.

I watched the moving hallways in Angela's mind, each step with Bella at her side, bringing her closer to me. A moment later, the red-auburn of her hair emerged from the main entrance. I would know the color anywhere, it was completely unique to her.

She walked into the direction of her truck, nodding absentmindedly between Angela and the other one – Jessica, though Angela knew she was not listening. She kept her eyes trained on the floor in front of her, stepping over cracks in the pavement, a small frown on her face. She waved goodbye to her friends, not bothering to look at them. She really did seem sad.

She did not notice me until it was my feet that interrupted her fascination with the black-topped ground. I chose a smile, she seemed to like it when I smiled.

A small sound of protest escaped her throat as she slowly brought her eyes from my feet to my chest, the whites of her knuckles were telling as her gaze reached my chest, and finally, a grimace as her eyes met mine. She was adorably furious, though in the back of my mind somewhere, I was fearful of what such fury might mean for me. She had the potential to harm me more than any other being – human or vampire—had before. I treaded carefully.

"Hello, Isabella."

She ripped her arms out of the straps on her bookbag, violently pulling open the zipper, feeling around with a strange intensity. Frustrated, she paused for a moment, to grimace at me. She meant to push me out of the way forcefully, but her hands were just barely brushing against my side. I moved away from the door to appease her.

"I'm sorry." I said immediately, resolutely, easily. I had already come to terms with the decision.

"And?" She questioned.

"Is there supposed to be more?"

She rooted in her backpack with a new fervor.

"Nope, I guess not," she said sarcastically.

She confused me with her actions; maybe it would help if she heard it again.

"I really am… Sorry."

She dropped her backpack when her hands abruptly stopped searching. She swore as she moved to pick it up off of the ground.

I reached it first, holding it out to her, "Isabella?"

"Yes, _Edward_?"

"I said I'm sorry."

"Yes, I heard you. Both times."

I frowned, more confused than before.

"Yet you are still angry," I said as a statement.

She swiped her bag from me, grabbing the keys from the open pocket and flinging it into the bed of the truck.

"Do you know," she seethed, "That I waited for you? For three hours?"

"Yes, like I said, I am sor…"

"And that the next day, I waited … AGAIN?"

"Yes, but---"

"Do you know… That I waited for you… Everyday…. FOR A WEEK?!"

I kept my mouth shut. Apologizing seemed only to be making it worse. Her eyes started to water, not enough for a human to see, but just slightly enough that I noticed. She was sad again. It made me sad and I felt impossibly lonely in that most familiar way.

She turned away, jamming the key into the rusted lock. She was leaving.

_No, don't leave!_

"Bella," I pleaded, "I can't explain… Just know that it was for the best… I had no intention to waste so much of your time –"

"Waste my time?!" she demanded, turning around, barking the question at me, "You think that's what this is about?"

"I don't know, Isabella!"

"Right…" she said sarcastically, opening the door.

"I swear, I don't! You have to tell me… I won't understand otherwise… I don't know how to---"

"You can't just disappear on someone when you're… If you're… When two people are…."

I shook my head, my patience wearing thinner and thinner with every sentence that never made it off her lips.

"When two people are what?" I asked honestly. _What __**does**__ she mean?_

"When two people are … dating!" She ground out the last word, the flush of her cheeks admitting her embarrassment.

She thought we were dating? I was incredulous at the though. Dating? Me? Dating? How? When?

My wide eyes seemed to infuriate her and she climbed into her truck, another curse word, directed at me this time, muttered under her breath.

I should have been mortified, but I was … What was I? The cold, immovable stone of my face contorted into a curve….

I was delighted.

I tried to pull open the door, but she locked it just as I reached forward, and though the window was open, I had no desire to exacerbate her annoyance.

"But… Bella," I pleaded with her, "Everything, well not everything. But some of it. It's different now!"

"Is it?"

"Yes," I said, nodding my head vigorously," It is different enough…"

"Will you tell me where you've been this entire time? Will you tell me why you disappeared?"

I moved away from the door, baffled that she was irritated over the one issue that I could not address. She had never shown her annoyance at my secrecy before, had never even mentioned it, that she was using it against me now… When we were so close…

My mouth pursed into a thin line, the words barely escaping my lips," No. No, Bella, I cannot tell you that, but I _am_ sorry. I will not do it again."

She started her truck, the way it rattled shaking a loose tear from her eye. I watched it spill onto her cheek as she shifted gears.

"It's not enough," she said, the truck rolling away from me, "Not nearly enough…"

………………………………**.**

I watched her from my safe space in the corner, thinking for the hundredth time of all the ways she might reject me. I ran through the worst-case scenario in my head: I would wake her up, beg her to let me explain, she would still be angry, and ask me to leave and never come back. I had a carefully crafted idea in my head. I would tell her a story of half-truths, but no lies. No, she would realize too quickly if I attempted to deceive her. She was much too intuitive. Much too quick.

The subsiding crispness in the air warned me of the short hours until daybreak. It would be bright today, I could feel it, and if I was to escape the rising sun, I would have to wake her now. I had cowered in the darkness for long enough.

I strode purposefully toward her, reaching forward, softly shaking her awake.

"Bella," I whispered, hoping the adoration in my voice was palpable," Bella, wake up…."

She smiled at the sound her own name and stirred, her breathing a wistful sigh.

I ran a cold hand over her hair, whispering into her ear, luring her into fleeting night.

"Wake up, Bella... Wake up..."

……………………………………**..**

**A/N: I have a thread?! What?! I didn't even know that I had a thread! That's ill. Because of said illness, this chapter is dedicated to iwilson and dmnsqrl and TheNotoriousR.**

**And yes, this fic will go back to normal after this next chapter.**


	12. Chapter 12

**EdwardPOV**

"Wake up, Bella... Wake up..."

She stirred, smiling, and I could not help but brush my hand against her curving lips. I regretted it immediately. I regretted it even before I chanced it, for I knew that it would scare her, yet the curiosity was insatiable. I had never touched a human like this before, had never touched anything this way. I should have been ashamed to admit the touch was not simply the curiosity alone. There was adoration in the way my skin swept over hers. Yet despite the thrill of my reckless actions, I could not completely ignore the thirst that gnawed at me from within. It tempered my worship with guilt, the way all good religions did when the laity knelt at the alter of the divine. The subcutaneous blood coursed like fire beneath my fingertips, admonishing me. _Never forget_, it warned, _that you are the worst kind of monster for wanting her this way._ I ignored it, I ignored everything when I was with her.

As the ice of my fingertips melted against her flaming skin, she stiffened in her sleep, frowning. She turned from my hand restlessly, though her eyes were still closed. I pulled away, my frown mimicking hers. Even in her sleep she could not bare my touch, even in her sleep I repulsed her. I turned to leave, the impossibility of our love an agonizing rejection that I had been forced to confront time and time again, but just as I was about to flee, she stirred again.

"Edward…"

And again, the sound of my name on her lips annihilated what little bit of dignity I had left and I was back at her side, crouched near the floor, sniveling for even the slightest bit of her attention. At this point, after acting the way I had, affection was a long way off…

"Bella," I whispered again, shaking her a little more forcefully though the thick down of her covers, "Wake up."

Her face changed again, a smile at the sound of my voice. She seemed to be just as tormented as I was. I took solace in the fact that I was not the only one dueling with this. Finally, with the final brush of my hand against her cheek, she began to rouse, the smile growing spectacularly certain.

"Edward?" she asked dreamily, her eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks.

"Yes, Bella, it's me..."

"Edward?" she asked again, her lips pursing as I began to see the deep brown of her eyes.

Her brow furrowed as she blinked up at me. _Once, _her gaze focused. _Twice, _she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. _Three times, _she screamed.

"EDWARD?!"

She sat up suddenly and the scandalized tremor of her voice made me feel something foreign. I think it may have been panic.

"Oh my god! You're actually here?! What the fu--"

She shot up as the words faded into the heavy silence of the room , pushing away from me, scrambling across her sheets. She kicked at the blankets, scooting herself backward, the fabric pooling at the foot of the bed.

"What are you doing in here?!" she screeched, her eyes wild, "Get out of here! Are you insane?!"

She stumbled out of the bed as she scanned the room, for what, I had no idea. I turned around, facing the opposite wall, my back to her.

"Isabella, please," I pleaded to her open closet, "Please don't be cross with me, I did not mean to frighten you. Quite the opposite actually…"

"What do you mean not frighten me? Get out! I can't believe you!" she hissed, suddenly trying to control the volume of her voice, "How did you get in here? How do you know where I live?!"

"Isabella," I said again, shutting my eyes though she was behind me," Please."

"You… Wha….Motherfu--, Why are you facing that way?!"

I cleared my throat, hoping she would realize on her own. I may have been a mercenary, a monster even, but I was still a gentleman. We Volturi, we may not be innocents, but we were, at the very least, refined.

"Edward!" she demanded again.

"—Your nightclothes, Isabella," I said quickly, turning around slightly to gesture in her direction with a wayward sweep of my arm," Had I known that you might not be … _decent_. I perhaps would have waited, it was only th--"

"--I'm decent! What are you talking about?"

I turned to face her, surprised that she had gotten dressed so quickly, but she was still wearing the same scant top and miniscule pair of shorts, her body pressed into the wall opposite from me, all of her on full display. She looked livid where she stood. Tense, as if ready to jump out the window at any second.

I whipped back around, clenching my eyes shut again, talking to the closet," Isabella, would you please put something on…."

I felt something fly past me, it was a book, and I did not move to avoid the second object. It slapped the back of my head, clattering to the ground. This time, an alarm clock.

"Isabella, please…"

She huffed and I heard the bedsprings creak as she skittered across. She pushed by my side, grabbing a robe that hung from a hook in the closet in front of me. I turned in a quarter-circle, my eyes still closed, trying to give her due privacy.

"Okay, fine! I'm decent! Now will you tell me what the _hell_ you are doing here?"

I opened one eye, and looked quickly in her direction. Decent enough…

"Isabella, dear, please! Calm yourself."

Her heartbeat quickened in my ears, the heat radiating off of her in waves. If it was possible, I am sure I would have blanched. Anger was not the ideal atmosphere when one stole into their beloved's chambers at night to declare his unwavering devotion.

"I came here to apologize to you, to reassure you…"

"To reassure me of what?!" she demanded, cocooned in her robe, the delicate perfection of her feet peeking out just barely as she waddled herself toward her bedroom door.

"That I will do whatever I can to make amends! To tell you that I am disgusted with myself to have upset you so!"

Her breath stuttered in her throat and she was searching wildly for anything in her grasp. A CD case this time, I surmised, making out the writing as it flew past my head.

"Isabella!" I scolded.

"Would you STOP saying my name that way?!"

"What way?"

She ignored the question, her eyes narrowing.

"The only people," she jeered, unspoken warnings dripping from every word, " that go sneaking into girl's bedrooms at night are prince charmings and predators, Edward! And you aren't either, so I suggest you leave!"

Her incessant yelling and her blatant insults prompted my natural response. The venom began to leak into my mouth, causing my muscles to tense with the desire for some sort of release. She, unlike any other creature on earth, had the ability to rile me simply with the tone of her voice. She could have been saying sweet nothings into my ear, but in that tone, it made me want to … I don't know what.

"How can you be so sure I'm not one of those things?" I barked at her, suddenly ravenous.

"Please!" she scoffed, grabbing my bicep as forcefully as she could, trying to shove me in the direction of the window," You are NOT a Prince Charming type."

"I wasn't referring to that, _Isabella_," I corrected through gritted teeth, hissing her name for I knew it would annoy her for reasons I had yet to discover.

"Oh God, Edward. You're not a predator, you're just an idiot," she dismissed, my own anger beginning to rival hers," Now would you just please, _please_, leave? My Dad is going to wake up…"

"He's not going to wake up, Isabella."

"Oh really? Do you want to go in there and check? He sleeps with his shotgun hanging next to the door, by all means, be my guest…"

She walked to the door with trampling feet, and opened it, motioning me through with a sweep of her arm.

When I remained by the window, she rolled her eyes, slamming the door back into place," Exactly. Get out."

I assessed her. She was standing with her feet firmly planted on the ground, finger pointed out the window, jaw clenched. Where was my sweet, innocent Isabella? Where was the Isabella that toyed with the hems of her sleeves bashfully? Where was the Isabella that blushed furiously when I looked at her for just a little too long? _This_, this howling, frowning thing, she was not my Isabella. Of course, I had heard the timber of her frustration before, when she spoke of some of her classmates, for example, or when she addressed me in the parking lot with the Cullens the other day. But never had I seen her like this, never quite so… severe. I wasn't sure that I even _liked_ this girl, let alone loved her.

Not knowing what else to do, I agreed, having lost the resolve to battle this out tonight, not wanting to see my perfect Isabella foray deeper into this … _person_ that was standing in front of me.

"Fine," I growled, moving to the window.

"—But," I said, my hand clenching the windowsill," You have to promise you _will_ speak to me tomorrow. This isn't finished."

"Fine!" she agreed without protest," Now get out!"

"Fine!" I barked, not bothering to pretend to struggle as I leapt into the tree just outside her window, "I'll see you at your truck at 3."

I slammed the window behind me, not caring as the wall rattled precariously. I heard curse words fly from her mouth intended for me to hear, I was sure, and it angered me yet again. I fought the urge to turn around and kick open the window, just to irritate her, but I couldn't bear it any longer. I took off in the direction of the Cullen's house, cursing the world with every step.

………………………………………**..**

"Okay, so maybe it didn't go over so well tonigh--"

"--Shut up, Alice."

……………**..………………………....**

"So what's the game plan?"

"Leave him alone, Em," Jasper drawled," He's got it under control."

"Does he? He doesn't look like he does." _Rosalie, of course._

I was standing in the parking lot, the afternoon after my failed grand gesture, going over what exactly to say to Isabella, studiously ignoring the Cullens. A third attempt at apologizing may have been in order, I thought, as the first and second were not so well received. But my mind would not wrap around the words, let alone my lips. I was still so furious with her from the night before. Though I wasn't sure exactly why. It was more than her reaction to me, as over-the-top as it was, there was something else that had me riled. I was so desperate to understand before she arrived, that I did not even protest when the Cullens came wandering by. I regretted it now; they were meddling, as always.

"Edward," Alice said suddenly, "you look mad… Are you mad? You shouldn't be mad when you're trying to grovel… It's incongruous to the very act."

"Allie, leave him be." _Jasper again._

"Isn't it past 3 already? Maybe she's not coming. Oh, I bet she's not coming!" _Rosalie, bitch._

"She's coming," Jasper announced.

His mind flickering to an image of Bella sitting next to Angela in the lunchroom, her eyes glazed over as she looked lost in thought.

"And _how_," I growled, "Do you know?"

I knew of Jasper's odd ability to feel and influence emotions, it was one of the first discussions we had. I needed to know their strengths and weaknesses, but it had never occurred to me until now that he might be using his abilities to influence… this. I had never heard it in his thoughts before, but they all were slowly becoming more and more accustomed to tuning me out.

I hissed at him and he sighed, his answer matching the suddenly clear thoughts in his mind "No, I haven't done it to you. I'm on your side, remember? "

"I wasn't asking about me…." I said through clenched teeth.

"Oh! Bella? Naw, trust me… She doesn't need any help in that department. Her distaste for you is all her own."

"And the rest of it?" I asked, "The affection?"

He laughed and I grimaced at his coming words, they were already taunting me from his mind.

"Nope, that's pretty much disappeared all on its own too."

"You know that is not what I meant…"

"Yes, Edward," he interrupted, "I have never influenced Bella one way or another… But hey, it's not too late… She doesn't look too happy to see you."

He nodded behind my shoulder and I heard her faltering footsteps in the distance. She had just stepped onto the loosely paved blacktop of the parking lot.

"Leave."

Their voices chorused in my head, some protesting my tone, others wanting to stay for what they perceived to be a show.

"Leave, please," I said a second time, the voices in my head resigning to my will.

My eyes were locked on her as I listened to them take off, one by one, into the direction of their car. The last pair of footsteps, the smallest and most delicate of the lot, hesitated.

"What, Alice?" I questioned, not looking away from Bella's scowling face.

"Be honest with her, Edward. She'll take it well."

"How can I tell her what we are, Ali—"

"No, Edward. Not that, there's time for that yet. I was talking about the other stuff. The more… important stuff. Tell her how you _feel_."

"Alice…" I warned, Bella was only steps away now.

"Yeah, I know, I get it. I'm leaving."

She walked off, but not before shouting a greeting to Bella.

"See you tomorrow, Bells!" She called out, skipping to Jasper's car, a friendly smile on her face.

"See you tomorrow, Al!" Bella called back, her quick, answering smile replaced with a frown as soon as her eyes were back on mine.

"You're late," I said testily when she reached me, just to fill the silence.

"And you're rude," she volleyed back, throwing her backpack into her truck.

"I wanted to make sure that Angela had a ride home. I didn't know how long this," she motioned between us, "would take."

_Forever, _I thought despite my growing irritation with her, even when she was driving me positively insane, I could not deny that something within in me desired her beyond comprehension.

She turned to me, arms folded across her chest, "Well, go ahead then. Say whatever it is you're going to say…"

She said it so flippantly that I nearly hesitated, but quickly remembered that I was still not in her good graces though she was not exactly in mine. Perhaps it was best not to take any unnecessary chances. Apparently, my midnight visit to her bedroom was one chance too many.

"I _am_ sorry…," I said, repeating the apology for the hundredth time, "And while I cannot promise you that I will never leave again, I can promise that I will not simply disappear."

"Fine. Great."

I nodded slowly, trying to read the thoughts in her mind though I knew it was futile.

"Fine?" I echoed.

"Yes, that's fine. I accept your apology. Can I go now?"

"Really?"

"Yes, Edward. Really. I _really_ accept your apology."

Was it supposed to be this easy? Did she simply say the words and I was to accept them at their full value. She had never lied to me before. It didn't seem to be her nature. My heart lightened just a bit at her ready acceptance, but something within me protested. I knew her sense of sarcasm, she seemed to have a proclivity for it, but this was not it. This is something else. She almost seemed defeated. Perhaps I had worn down her protests. Perhaps she was tired of fighting, too. Perhaps she really was accepting my apology. I brightened a bit more, thinking of the prospects for the afternoon.

"Do you have somewhere to be? Would you like to go to the diner?"

"Home, Edward. I have to go home."

"Why?" I asked, bewildered.

She sighed, "Because I live there."

"Yes," I nodded, flashing her the smile that she seemed to like before, "But what's the hurry? You never seemed to be in a rush before."

"Well, that was before. This is today. Today, I have to go home."

She seemed so adamant to leave, her feet practically twitching with their desire to flee, but still I knew that something was amiss. I frowned, noticing the way her eyes seemed unable to meet mine.

"Are you…" I chanced, my fists clenched, "Are you still mad?"

She threw up her arms, "Of course I'm still mad, Edward! Did you honestly think it would be that easy?"

She circled in her spot, her hand resting on her car door for just a moment before she turned back to me, "You disappear for _weeks_. You give me some half-assed apology _without_ an explanation, that stupid smug look on your face the entire time! And if all that wasn't bad enough, you show up, in my room, in the _middle_ of the night! Like some kind of crazy psycho-stalker! Are you deranged?"

"Like I said before. I…. Am…. Sorry."

"I…Heard you… The first time!"

"Then why are you acting this way?"

"Why am I acting this way?" she said disbelieving, "I am acting this way because you think that an apology without an explanation is enough, and it's not."

"I thought that it would be better if I just left, Isabella," I admitted honestly, "I didn't think that I could stay here…

"Better?" she shot at me, "Better to just leave without saying goodbye? Without anything?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but she was already continuing her tirade, "Did you know, _Edward, _that I actually started to believe that I did something wrong? That maybe you disappeared because I offended you or prodded too much or asked too many questions?"

"Isab—"

"God forbid I ask you one little, teeny, tiny detail about your life without you spazzing out and changing the subject. Don't think I didn't notice that before!"

"Is---"

"—I just kept saying to myself, 'Oh don't worry, Bella… He'll open up eventually! He just needs some time… Be patient with him' and look what good that did!"

"I kno—"

"No, actually, you don't know… You don't know anything, do you? You can't just have the kind of week we _had _and then… disappear. It's just not fair, especially not to the other person… Did you ever take into account the way that I might feel about you disappearing? Did you really think that I would just welcome you back with open arms?"

"I had no intention of returning," I interjected quickly, wanting to get a word in before she continued again. But she didn't… In fact, for a few moments, she stopped speaking entirely.

She bit her lip, too hard, she nearly broke through the skin.

"And you think…." she hissed finally, "That's any better? Surely, you are not _that _stupid."

"Isabella…" I warned. She ignored me, of course.

"No, you must be a complete idiot to think that would help your case at all… If you weren't going to come back, then I think you probably had the right idea then… Because I'm looking around, Edward, and I'm not seeing _anyone_ that wants you to stay…"

"You are incorrigible, Isabella!"

Finally, I burst. That last shred of emotional self-control was decimated and the words, the words that I knew would only infuriate her further, came shooting from my mouth adding to the electricity between us.

"Me?!" she demanded.

"Yes you! Would you just stop for a moment and maybe consider that I am genuinely asking for your forgiveness? Consider what resolve it takes for _me_ to come groveling to you this way? Do you not understand that perhaps I left for _your_ own good? That I _did_ think of you when I made the decision! That I did not leave simply just to hurt you or reject you? I don't _know_ any better, Isabella! I have never been obligated to consider anyone else's feelings before! Do you not see the effort I am making?"

"Honestly, Edward?" she said sarcastically, her voice cold with the disbelief," Are you really going to tell me that you have no family, no friends? That you don't know how to appropriately interact with other human beings?"

She meant for the words to belittle my claims, but they couldn't, because they were entirely true. Without knowing it, she had unearthed every hidden secret that I was petrified to tell her. And I couldn't tell her, not even now, so when I didn't answer, she hesitated. Finally, she stopped to really look at me. I hoped desperately that she saw the authenticity in my words. Her eyes softened and watered and it was not the reaction I wanted, and it only infuriated me more. I understood the meaning behind that look and I didn't need her pity. I wanted everything from her, but not that, never that…

"You are spoiled, Isabella!" I accused, wanting her anger to overtake her compassion, "You don't understand that the very basis of your ability to be angry with me is a luxury that not all of us have…"

"And what luxury is that?"

"The luxury of knowing what _this_ is! You must take it for granted if you are acting this way! You are so used to being loved and cared for and cherished that I make one misstep and already I am unworthy of even a second thought! I hate to be the one to tell you, little girl, but you have been overindulged your whole life!"

"Oh _please_…" she scoffed incredulously, her sympathy already disappearing, "Don't you dare! Don't you dare patronize me!"

The derision in her voice only threw another log onto the proverbial fire. I continued, niceties and apologies long forgotten, the tempest upon us…

"How could I possibly know that I would hurt you when just weeks ago I did not know that I myself was capable of this kind of pain?"

She turned away, fumbling to open the door on her truck, obviously desperate to get away from me, but I could not let her. She had squeezed and pulled and found every emotion within me and there was no turning back now… Not when I felt so very alive.

I grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn to me, the furious way the brown and gold of her eyes boiled making me want her ridiculously more.

"Fine!" I yelled into her face, "I make you angry? I apologize. Will you apologize to me then?!"

Her eyes went wide, the skin of her arm white-hot beneath my hand, adrenaline pumping through her veins with every labored beat of her heart.

"Apologize for what, Edward?!" She yelled back, her breath bathing my face. We were too close.

"Apologize for everything!" I said, grabbing her other arm and pulling her into me.

"You are offended that I disappeared, took from you a few of your precious hours? Then I am angry at you for taking my will. For taking my life! _Every_ second of everyhour has been yours since you took that from me. You are angry that I stole into your room? Well, then apologize for stealing my heart! For you have taken that too, Isabella. And I am partly to blame, for I have laid it at your feet. But still you have the nerve, like a spoiled child, to accuse me of things that are not of my own choosing!"

"A-a-nd what does that mean?" she stammered, her bottom lip quivering at my declarations.

"It means, Bella," I bellowed back at her, "That I thought, I honestly believed, that what I did was the right thing to do. I believed that I should have left! And if what you want is my candor, then I give it to you when I say, I am still not completely sure that this, being here, coming back, was for the best…."

"Then why did you come back?! Nobody asked you to come back!"

Her yelling did things to me that were inexplicable and thus, I wasn't able to control the sentiments that consumed every fiber of my being, every daydream, every thought…For once, I did not regret them. I was already a slave to this.

"Because I cannot bear to be away from you! Because I am too weak! Because I never want to be away from you, not even when you do this to me… Not even now! Not even when the things you say rip and tear and demolish my heart, Bella… Even now, I want to kiss you and keep you and tell you that you are everything- _everything-_ that I have spent a lifetime searching for! All that I want… Is simply to love you… Because I cannot bear the thought of going back to a world without you… Because fate has punished me long enough… Because even when you hate me, I think that maybe… _Maybe_, you can learn to love me too."

And I scarcely had time to finish the last word, for in the next moment everything was her: Warm, flushed skin on mine, silken hair against my neck, a breathless sigh in my ear… And finally, mercifully, the soft touch of her lips on mine.

**A/N:**

**This chapter is dedicated to: Fernando Torres' thighs, the crème de fleur at Au Bon Pain, Pilates, TiVo, any direct flight from the East to West Coast (I hate layovers), Microsoft Word's Autosave and The Economist.**

**We'll have some plot in the next bit, it won't just be flowery words and bold statements. What can I say? I love the professing of love. **


	13. Chapter 13

**EmmettPOV**

"God, she's really having a go at him," I said, my nose pressed against the window of the car though a moment ago, every single one of their words rang through the air, crystal-clear.

"Shhh, It's harder to understand what they're saying now," Alice hissed, "It's getting muffled all of a sudden."

"True." I admitted, leaning further into the door, pressing my ear against the glass.

"Ow! Emmett!"

She elbowed me in the chest, trying to force me off of her, so I shifted to make room for us both.

"God, if I knew I was going to be crushed, I would have let you have the window."

"Sorry babe," I apologized, dropping a kiss onto her forehead easily, as she sat sandwiched between the door and myself. _Hmmm, maybe…_

I lifted her up and she squealed, batting at my hands unconvincingly.

"Better?" I asked, nuzzling my face into her neck as she settled into my lap.

"Infinitely better," she admitted, craning her neck to reach for a kiss, fidgeting over me. _Screw Edward and his drama, Rosie seemed well up for it._

"Excuse me!" Alice interrupted from the front seat, "Do you guys mind?! You have all of forever to do that. If Edward and Bella don't make up, they won't even have 5 more minutes of anything!"

I looked at Rosalie and she looked back at me.

"True," we said simultaneously, both of us leaning back into the window.

"Can't we just go a little closer?" Jasper asked, tapping on the steering wheel, "They won't notice!"

"Yes," Alice admonished him, "They will. Three blocks is the absolute closest we can go without him hearing us. I'm not even entirely sure he can't hear us the other way… The _inside _the head way…"

The midget had a point. That little gift of Edward's was definitely annoying. He wasn't very much fun to joke around with as a result. He was always cutting me off before I even got to the punchline. _Don't do that, Emmett. Don't say that, Emmett. No we can't keep Isabella as a pet, Emmett. _

Boo-freakin'-rah. Way to rain on the parade, Eddie-boy.

He pretended to be more boring than he actually was. He was so even-keeled about everything, even the Volturi, but you knew that a guy like that had to have some stories. You'd think a guy like that would be a little more animated about betraying his family of nearly a hundred years, but he was always so stoic, so serious. But at least with her he seemed to get riled up, _finally._ If he was going to be with us for any amount of extended time, he would have to lighten up a little. We were vampires, after all, there were enough bad vibes around without his constant brooding.

"Why is he yelling at her? Idiot, idiot, idiot!"

Alice was clawing at the window, desperate to run back to the school. It was like her desire to meddle may have even been greater than her desire to feed. Insane really, considering what we were… But then again, Alice never really had a problem with all of this… She really was a nutjob.

"What's funny?" Jasper said.

I didn't have to look at him to know that he was talking to me.

"Your woman."

"Yeah, well, you try to get her to calm down. I'd be infinitely grateful."

"I'm sitting _right_ here," Alice dead-panned," and while I don't want to interrupt the two of you, I'm _trying_ to listen…"

"What's the point, Alice," I sighed, "You're just going to ask him to rehash everything that happened anyway…"

"Yes," she chirped," Of course I am… But he edits."

She grimaced, "He always edits out the best parts… Like this kiss, he's not going to mention it…"

"KISS?!" I bellowed, pushing Rosalie out of the way, pressing my ear up against the glass.

"See?" Alice said triumphantly," You're just as bad as I am."

"No, Alice," Rosalie said, scowling at me from her place on the car floor, "He's probably worse."

"Sorry, Babe."

……………………………………………**..**

**Edward POV**

She pulled away from me almost immediately, and I followed her, leaning in, trying to prolong the touch of her lips on mine. It was the most bizarrely exhilarating feeling, I had never yet experienced it, and had never much wanted to until exactly this moment.

"Edward!" she urged breathily, "Wait… Wait…"

I was faintly aware of the fact that she was pushing at my chest but I kept leaning into her, playing the desperate schoolboy, the pre-pubescent lad in the throes of his first kiss. I withered at the thought. It was painfully embarrassing. I caught myself at that moment, feeling awkward at my lack of virtue, forcing myself onto her like some common lout. Had it not been for the fact that she had kissed me -my beautiful, infuriating Isabella had kissed _me_ -I would have fled immediately. But she was staring at me with wide eyes that begged me to remain even as her hands pushed me away. It was the only encouragement I needed to stay at her side forever.

"I'm sorry, Bella! I did not mean to act so untoward! I don't know what came over me. Forgive me, my dear, please."

She laughed, throwing her arms around me and my knees buckled, but not at the burden of her weight, it was her burden on my heart. I was _too_ consumed. Everything else, standing, breathing, talking, thinking, it was all second to her.

"Don't ever be sorry for _that_, Edward," she whispered into my ear, "That, what you _just_ did, what you just said?"

She pulled away, her arms still circled around my neck, her chest still pressed into mine, "That's all I've ever wanted from you… I just want you to… Talk to me… To tell me what you're thinking!"

"Whatever you want," I agreed quickly, "Just ask me and I will give it to you."

Her eyebrow raised mischievously, she was plotting, and I would have protested but I was too besotted with the way her fingers teased the fine hairs on the back of my neck.

"Will you tell me why you left, then?"

"Yes," I sighed, reveling in her touch, I was putty in her hands, "I will."

She smiled at me brilliantly and as if it wasn't enough reward, she pressed her lips to mine again. Another kiss.

I pulled her hands from around my neck, suddenly remembering my carefully concocted plan. She frowned immediately, as if already knowing that there were conditions on my earlier surrender.

"What?" she said, eyeing me suspiciously.

I took both of her hands in mine, raising them between us, holding them to my chest.

"I will tell you why I left, Bella. I promise you that. But I cannot tell you everything, at least not right away. Is that enough? Do you trust me when I say that I want to keep nothing from you, but for your own good, for your own safety, there are things that I must?"

She bit her lip, pulling her hands from mine and the heart that had only just soared was quickly plummeting deeper and faster than it ever had before.

"Edward…" she hesitated, her eyes glazed over with worry, "I can't… Not if I don't…"

"Can't what? No, Isabella! Please!" I begged her, shaking my head furiously.

"Don't start doing that! Not again!"

I grabbed her hand, kissing into her palm, my eyes wide.

"Tell me but once and it will be the last time, I swear it."

"Stop calling me Isabella! You only do it when you're…. I don't know. Just stop it. Stop doing that."

I frowned, my jaw clenched. I never wanted to upset her, not ever, ever again.

"I'm sorry. I will never call you Isabella again if that is what you prefer… "

"No," she groaned, "It's not that… It's just the _way_ you say it… "

"And what way is that?" I asked honestly. She never stopped confusing me.

"I don't know!" she said exasperated, "You say it like… Well not, _every _time, but most of the time…"

She worried her bottom lip and I reached out to cup her cheek," I say it like what?"

"You say it like it _hurts_ you to say it…"

She looked up at me with watery eyes and I wanted desperately to tell her that it wasn't pain in my voice when I said her name it was desperation, it was worship, it was fidelity and most of all, it was love.

A lock of hair dangled in front of her shoulder, teasing me. Looking into her eyes I grabbed the stray pieces and tucked them behind her ear, letting my hand trail down her back, pulling her into me as closely as I could muster. I could feel her frantic heart beating against my chest as I began to speak.

"It is not pain, _Isabella,_" I whispered against her neck, brushing my lips against her pulse point, drowning in her scent.

"It is complete…"

I placed a kiss on her collarbone and my reward was the skipping beat of her heart.

"And total…"

Then, a kiss on her jaw and a sigh. A sigh so quiet, so delicate, yet so wanting… so desirous.

"All-encompassing…"

Now, her chin. Her body tensed and she swallowed in anticipation. She might have been scared, but I knew it, and so did she: Touching her this way was thrilling.

"Devotion."

I let my lips devour hers and this time, she did not protest. And the thrill was not quelled with the end of the anticipation – no- it only grew with every frenzied caress of my lips against hers. She groaned and her mouth opened with the sound. I stiffened at the feel of her breath mingling in mine and suddenly I knew not what to do. Only a moment ago I had reveled in my inexperience, experimenting with her was akin to being certain of anything else. Yet now, frozen in place and petrified, I had no choice but to let her take the lead. Her tongue, hot and wet and delicious, brushed against my lips and my entire body seized, biology's frantic way of bracing itself for such unadulterated passion. It was torture, standing there, unknowing and completely subject to her will. But it was the most beautiful torture and if she continued with her assault until the end of time, it would be the most exquisite way to fade into forever.

She stopped suddenly, pushing me away again, frowning.

"I need to stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?" I said breathlessly, making every attempt to lock my knees to keep from collapsing.

"Stop getting carried away!"

I grabbed her, pulling her into my chest, my eyes deliriously wide and wanting,"Get carried away, Bella. Please! I don't mind!"

She bit her lip again, this time trying to hide a smile. She was trying to pretend to still be cross with me, but I knew her better know. Her kiss didn't tell me everything, but it told me _some_ of her secrets. She liked kissing me too.

"Edward… I can't do _this_ if I don't have all of you… I can't."

"You have me, Bella. All of me! Surely you must know that! You've had my heart from the moment you stormed into my life… You are a force of nature… You are my every thought, my every emotion, my ---"

"Stop!" she said, taking two steps back from me, her cheeks flushed, "You have to stop saying all of those wonderful things!" She whispered, almost to herself, "It's distracting me…"

I pursued her, her every step backward mirrored in my step forward, "All of my hours, Bella, they are spent with visions of you… The perfect ivory of your skin… The curling chestnut of your hair… Your scent, Bella, if I had not known your kiss, that scent would have been the worst of it all! It teases me and pulls me in and –"

"Edward!" she gasped, " I can't hear any more of it! Not unless you promise me that you will tell me everything. No secrets! I couldn't bear it any other way! It would be impossible…"

_Impossible._

And there was the word that threatened to demolish my too fragile dream. _Impossible._

But I had not lied when I told her that I could not know life without her, so I was powerless when I said the words. It was my white flag. It was my surrender.

"Everything, Bella," I breathed, "I will tell you everything."

……………………………………………**.**

**A/N:**

**It's short, yes, and I apologize. But this chapter is a pretty big deal in the grand scheme of things, right? I wrote at a feverish pace today, so Chapter 14 is done and 15 is nearly there.**

**This chapter is dedicated to: My boyfriend's neighbors and their non-password protected wireless router, Lanvin's Spring 2009 Ready-to-Wear Collection, clam chowder from Legal Sea Foods, Liverpool FC's 5-0 aggregate score against Real Madrid & their 4-1 pwnage against Manchester United and Pilot G-2 .05mm pens.**

**Longest A/N ever. **

**My apologies.**

**Last thing, REALLY. If you want some romance… Go read my 3-shot La Ville Lumiere. I tried dead-hard to make it fluffy. It's complete! Maybe… **


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm coming late to the party, but if you haven't read jandco's Teenage Angst Brigade, you should… It's embarrassing [for me] how good it is. It's still mind-effing me, days later.**

**...**

**EdwardPOV**

It wasn't until after she finally left for her home that I realized exactly what I had done. Without her close to me, without her overwhelming every single one of my capacities, I was finally able to reflect on just exactly what I had promised her.

_Tell her everything?_

Was I insane? I must have been to promise such a thing. There was a reason we kept secrets from her kind. On earth, there were two worlds: Hers and mine. And it took me a century to understand it, but there was reason that the two were kept separate. One existed, solely, to decimate the other. One, was hope… Was life. The other, the reckoning… Death.

………………………

**Volterra, 1958**

_I could still hear their screams._

_Their wails of anguish were still chasing me, even now, they had followed me all the way back to Italy. I should have known it would be this way. As if the way they lived was not torture enough, the way they died - the way I killed them- it must have been insufferably worse. Surely. For such pain, even death was not enough of an escape._

_After the house had burned to the ground I couldn't comprehend it. They made no attempt to run, no attempt to fight back… Even as they watched me set fire to the beds that they had no use for, even as they watched the flames lick at their feet, they had no desire for self-preservation. At the end of the ordeal, I was sure. They wanted it. _

_Yet they screamed and they grieved and they cursed me as they perished willingly. Even we immortals knew, there were fates worse than death._

_I stood at the base of the washed-out balustrade taking in all the familiarities of my home for nearly 30 years. Centuries of nature's abuse had done little to diminish the grandeur of the castle. Even now, after having spent months in the American's new world, Volterra was immaculate. It seemed as if the only casualty against the war of time seemed to be the vitality of the color. As I passed under the flying buttresses into the vast courtyard, I could not help but think how the faded, oppressive terra cotta tiles of the rooftops may have once been red._

_I felt the air move around me, the source distant, but easy to identify nevertheless._

"_Speak, Olivier. How long have you been waiting there? They saw me coming then? Tell me, Paolo has returned already? How long ago?"_

"_Yes, Sir. Two days less a fortnight."_

_I raised an eyebrow at the servant as he swept toward me._

" _So soon?"_

_He gave me a nervous smile," He has more experience, Sir. And they did come… willingly."_

_I grimaced. Of course they came willingly, it seemed that Paolo seemed to be more charming than he let on._

"_Everyone has assembled? In the receiving room?"_

"_Yes, sir. They're waiting for you," he said timidly, reaching forward," I'll take your bag ---"_

_The back of my hand nearly made contact with his cheek, but I pulled away, wrenching away the leather satchel that hung at my side. He whimpered and cowered, taking a step backwards, already muttering apologies. Ignoring them, I berated him._

"_You are new, boy," I growled menacingly," So I will tell you this but __**once**__."_

_He nodded, studying the ground._

"_This bag and all of its contents is never to be touched. Do you understand that?"_

"_Y-yes, sir. My apologies, Sir. I only thought ---"_

"_Then don't think. Do only as I tell you? You are my charge, mine alone. You answer __**only**__ to me. Do you understand that?"_

"_Y-yes sir."_

"_Good," I said threateningly, stopping at the doors of the receiving room, "Now leave me."_

_He nodded once and was gone, traveling at our natural speed, clearly eager to be distant from what lay just beyond the doors._

_**. . .**_

_The interior of the castle was unchanged in the ways that the exterior could not feign to replicate. The receiving room, with its sparse décor, thousands of years old, was to be the set to the unfolding scene. And a scene is what it would be, for it was always this way. Pomp and circumstance, the air thick with affectation, exhibitions and exchanges that remained rooted in worlds long passed, all of it acted in confluence, all of it befitting of the Volturi._

_I stood before the three thrones, though I deigned to call them that, for I had no King. No master. That I remained here, that I continued to be the heavy fist of their reckoning, it was of my own volition. Marcus and Caius, the others of the coven, they may not be blessed with the same cognizance, but Aro understood this. And his was the only opinion that mattered. _

_The filed in, one by one, all swathed in ceremonial robes, faces partially obscured by heavy hoods of velvet. It didn't matter. I did not need to see their faces to know who they were. _

_Athenodora and Sulpicia, came first, standing to the side of me. They were only here as spectators._

_Jane and Alec were next, hand-in-hand, their steps less resolute than the rest. Turned as twins and children, were they not so diabolical, it would have been enough to pity them. They took their places next to the wives as Heidi, Felix, Demetri and Chelsea followed. The group of them huddled together on the far side of the room, their thoughts seething with resentment for me. How many hundreds of years had they been his favorites before my arrival? _

_Afton, Corin, Renata and Santiago swept in behind them, though they took places on the opposite side of the room, to my right. Their thoughts were less resentful, they were too absorbed in the drama surrounding Paolo's latest episode. He always seemed to act out whenever I was gone. It made me wonder what Volterra was like in the thousands of years before my arrival, had his insolence always been so prominent? _

_The rest of the followers came in quiet reverence, their rigid postures screaming of their gratitude in being here had I not been able to hear their sycophantic thoughts. I would have scoffed at them were it not for my own position in the proceedings. They took places somewhere behind me, huddled in the back of the room, pressed together like sardines in a can._

_Marcus and Caius were last, walking slowly behind Aro, who looked particularly frail in the dim lighting of the chamber's torches. His footsteps were the least elegant of all, unsteady against the marble floors, the faintest sounds of the slightest endeavor straining against the silence of the room._

_He took his seat gingerly, lowering himself into his chair, and almost as immediately as he relaxed in his seat, so too did the inhabitants of the room release their tension. His voice was little more than a whisper. _

"_Edward," he said affectionately, "We are so glad to have you home."_

"_Thank you, Aro," I said honestly, "I, too, am pleased."_

_An amused sound escaped his lips as he made the charge against me," Do my requests tire you, Edward? Or is it, as I suspect, the boredom that leaves you resentful?"_

_I smiled, I knew his tone quite well._

"_No, Aro. I assure you it is neither. I only mean to say that Italy, that Volterra, is home. It pleases me to return."_

_He nodded, a flicker of a frown passing too quickly over his lips, I could not say with much certainty if I truly saw it. I think I did. _

"_We were beginning to think you may never come back," Caius interrupted with a sneer," You have been gone for nearly two months."_

_I smiled patronizingly at him. What did he know of the hunt? Centuries of cosseted over-indulgence here in the castle, it did nothing for his understanding of our hardships._

"_They ran from coast-to-coast, Caius," I said patiently," And I had my fair share of distractions."_

_I said the last part to goad him, hoping he would comment, daring him to. Yet, I knew he would not. Not here, not with Aro at his side. It was this certainty that further compounded my surprise at the next voice, I had not even noticed him enter the room._

"_Humans," Paolo said, sweeping forward to take a place near Aro's side,"I don't know why you bother with them… Not when you cannot stand them…"_

"_I would say the same thing of you," I shot back at him as the witnesses in the room began to shift excitedly. I was indulging my own vanities, I knew he too would not answer. _

_Aro lifted a hand then, and the room fell silent yet again, the witnesses becoming stone statues. _

"_Come forward, Edward. Show me where you have been and what you have done."_

_I walked to him, my fists clenched at my sides. I felt his breath, cold and stale on my face as he leaned toward me, placing his frail, translucent fingers on each of my temples. _

_I swept through my memories of the remote log cabin, tucked away deep in the Appalachian mountains, pausing over the images of the slain children. Neither was older than the age of five, their white skin and bared teeth were clearly visible in the dismembered pieces of their corpses though they were both badly burned. _

"_Good," Aro mumbled, his voice cutting through the flawless recollection of the scenes in my head, "And the parents?"_

_I replayed an earlier scene in my head, when I first found them. The adults, husband and wife, both with a child in their arms, both of them begging for mercy as a raging fire burned in the fireplace of the small cabin. In my mind, I let them tell the story, knowing that Aro would want to know the catalyst for such disobedience._

"_Please!" the mother cried, clutching the red-headed toddler to her chest, she could not have been more than three years old," It's not their fault!"_

"_Then you should not have changed them," I said in an eerie calm, circling them as they, the predators, became prey._

"_What would you have done?!" the young Father yelled, shielding the boy behind him," If they changed you and your wife?! What if there was no one to care for your own children? We never asked for this!"_

_I showed Aro my hesitation then, my wonder at how many years it took them to reconstruct their family. If these adults were as pure-intentioned as they wanted me to believe, it must have been worse than torture to watch their own children go through the change, worse than death to see what they had become. And if it was worse than death, then why? __**Why**__ had they done it? But I was not there to make the judgment, the verdict had already been handed down. Death, swift and merciful, but still… Death. And I was their deliverance._

"_It is too late…." _

_I said it honestly and moved toward them, the fire crackling wildly in the hearth behind me, backing the family into a corner._

"_You don't have to do this!" The mother shrieked as the child burrowed into her shoulder," You don't have to kill them! They are just children!"_

"_And how many children have they slain?" I asked calmly," How many parents have lost their own children for yours? And not just for their sustenance either, for their amusement. For sport! How many? Tell me woman…"_

_She grabbed the boy's hand, the girl still in her arms, and the man stepped forward in a futile attempt to shield his family. _

"_We'll be more careful," he pleaded," We'll keep moving, we'll teach them…"_

_I shook my head, moving closer still, "You cannot teach them… They are too young to understand…"_

"_They aren't!" he begged," They are smart for their age… Gifted even…"_

_I sneered," It does not matter… Give them to me or I will take them…"_

"_Please!" the Mother sobbed, pulling both children to her chest, "Please!"_

_I looked down on them, cowering in fear in the corner, unlike anything I had ever seen from our kind. Yes, they were different, but different was not justification enough…_

_The Father lunged at me suddenly, yelling at his young family. _

"_Run, Helen! Run!"_

_But he was far too slow. I knew his movements before he had even decided to make them. I pushed him aside easily, grabbing the boy by the arm. His body was so small, still so fragile in my hands despite his change and it was over before it even began. I tossed the pieces into the vast fire behind me, moving toward the girl and her mother, the Father chasing after the pieces I had only just discarded. _

"_Give her to me," I said," Say your goodbyes and give her to me."_

_The Mother clutched the child to her chest as the Father's cries, otherworldly in their anguish, echoed somewhere behind me. She shook her head, and moved away, but her back was already to the wall…_

_I reached out quickly, sweeping away the Mother too easily. _

… _I let the memory fade into black. Aro knew, I didn't need to show him._

"_And the parents?" he said, his iridescent fingers still resting on my temples._

_I grimaced, flitting over an image of the parents embracing one another as the fire consumed them, damning me until their last breaths._

"_Fine," Aro said, beginning to lower his hand and backing away, a strained look on his face," Fine."_

_Yet just before his hands dropped to his sides, an image of my own tormented face framed by fire reflected in the cracked mirror of the vanity. It flashed through my mind as I tried to block the vision, but it was too late, he had already seen it. He pulled his hands from my face immediately, shuffling slowly back to his seat. Ashamed that I had shown my moment of weakness, despite the fact that I knew he could feel it, I turned to retreat. But he stopped me… _

"_Edward," he said, "Stay for a while."_

_I turned, facing him with defiant eyes, attempting to replace the image of me in his mind with the most diametrically opposed façade I could muster. _

"_Everyone… Leave," he sighed dismissively, lifting just the tips of his fingers from where his hand lay resting on the arm of his throne._

_The floating robes swept past me, only the sound of velvet brushing against marble permeating the silence, their thoughts questioning yet resigned in their minds. The resounding boom of the wooden doors signaled our solitude and he beckoned me forward, his voice nearly inaudible. _

"_Come, Edward. Tell me…"_

_And so I sat at his feet, not as Servant and King but closer to Father and Son, telling him of my hesitations, of my regret. And I was not repentant for taking their lives. It was not atonement. It was that I regretted our presence in this world. It was that I regretted my life, my own existence. He looked his three thousand years as I let him listen to my thoughts and I believed, in that same moment, that perhaps he and I were not so different. I believed that perhaps Aro, King of the Vampires, might just regret our existence too._

…………………………

I shook myself from my memories. Even now, decades later, they were still unerringly vivid. How could I tell her everything? How could I tell her _this._ Could I let her love a lie? I did not have the courage for the truth and again I was trapped. Tell her _everything?_

I was too selfish.

She seemed content to overlook the obvious differences between the two of us. She never once commented on the pallor of my skin, or the iciness of my touch. She seemed content to ignore my otherworldly agility and she never remarked on the barely believable plot of my history. I could only hope…

And even with the hope I knew… Tomorrow would be the test…

……………………………

She was already at her truck before I arrived. Strange. I could see her through the trees, still half a mile from her. She was bouncing. _Bouncing._

Who did she think she was? Alice?

I made my way through the trees and it didn't take much effort to surprise her.

"Good afternoon, _Bella_."

She yelped with surprise," Edward! You scared me!"

I took her hand expecting the way it never failed to scorch against my skin.

"Why do you come from that way?"

Ahh, so the questions were to start immediately then. She was never very patient.

"I live that way," I said, helping her with her backpack and placing into the back of her truck.

"Hmm," she said, turning to face me.

"Go on, Isabella. Ask."

The words came out rushed, in a single breath, "But there's only woods that way. It has to be faster just to take the main road. You'd have to go all the way around the forest."

"That is where you are wrong, my dear, I go _through_ the forest."

"But… Why?"

I shrugged, "I like it."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm."

She sighed, "Okay, I guess."

She grew silent as she walked automatically toward the diner.

"The other week you said you wanted to go to the lake," I said attempting nonchalance, "Would you like to go there today?"

"Really?" she asked, wide-eyed, her excitement spilling over," You're not hungry?"

I had hunted all night in preparation for this afternoon, but I had not considered that she might be hungry. It dawned on me then just how many things I would have to re-learn if I was going to be the type of companion she deserved. I withered at the reality of it all: I would never be the type of companion she deserved. I repressed the self-pity and pushed it back into the recesses of my mind, alongside every memory of my life in Volterra.

"No, I've, uhm, eaten. But you must be… Hungry, I mean?"

"No, I'm fine!" she said quickly, too quickly.

"Isabella…" I said, cautioning her," If you need something from me, you have to tell me. I wasn't exaggerating before when I said I didn't know how to…"

"—I know!" she interrupted, "I just don't want you to change your mind. You're already looking a little more… Freaked out?"

I blinked at her," Freaked out?"

"Yeah," she admitted slowly, her hands fumbling with the hems of her sleeves in the way that I loved, "You already look like you're ready to bolt."

I let out a laugh and she looked shocked. Her sharp intake of breath was comical.

"Do I, then? It was not intentional. Isabella, are you alright?"

She shook her head, her eyes wide with shock. She seemed poised to speak, but bit her lip resolutely. Walking away from me, her steps were tense. I assumed I was to follow her for she continued speaking.

"I guess I'll just have to get used to it I guess."

"Get used to what?"

I had no idea what she was talking about, like always. She always did this. She picked up in the middle of a conversation I had no idea we were having as if I was just expected to know what she was thinking. Infuriating Bella was back already.

"You being so… different."

"Different?"

She assuaged me quickly," Not that I don't like it. I do! It's just that you're usually so... But yesterday, and now, you're just…. I don't know. You're just different. It's like you've just… Made up your mind about something, I guess."

I smiled, taking her hand easily and she let me, her hand tightening around mine when it should have been pushing me away.

"So, do we need to get you some sort of sustenance? A source of fiber? A carbohydrate of some sort? Or protein? I noticed you seemed to like poultry."

This time, it was she who laughed, her fingers clenching delightfully around mine.

"You really are quite strange, Edward."

…………………**.**

Perhaps the rocky quarry by the beach was not the best decision, we had been going to the lake that bordered the edge of the Olympic National Park for three days. Each day, her questions, her curiosity, was insatiable. But it was all easy. So very, very easy.

She changed her mind this afternoon, at the last second, asking excitedly if we could come here instead. At this time yesterday I thought I would never deny her of anything, but that contention was quickly being amended.

After the precarious drive on the unpaved roads that led to this beach, in that deathtrap she called an automobile and now, as she tripped and stumbled over every pebble, I was desperate for the disgusting human food and drab interior of the diner. At least at the diner she would only be able to find a few ways to kill herself.

So this was how we had spent the afternoon, me trailing behind her like a wet nurse, my hands hovering around her form, ready to catch her when she inevitably fell. I was so I preoccupied with visions of her falling accidentally to her death that I barely had the wherewithal to answer the questions that she asked of me. And she had been asking me plenty, like always, all afternoon. But surprisingly, still nothing the least bit troublesome.

She was still blissfully unaware of my past, of my present, but bliss is exactly what it was. I began to believe that I could live this lie if it meant having her. I would suffer my own deceit in silence if it meant having her at all. For the past several days, she had not so much as asked a question that was even the least bit trying. I barely had to edit my answers, I responded naturally, revising very little.

I was beginning to believe the lie was the truth.

"Favorite color?" she called out behind her, pulling me from my musings. I had let her get too far away. She was several yards from me now.

"Brown, I suppose," I yelled back over the sound of the crashing waves," You?"

I heard her giggle," Same."

"Favorite ice cream?" she said, as I came up behind her, it was the 6th food question she had asked that day.

"I don't have one," I admitted honestly.

"You don't ever have an answer for the food questions."

I didn't respond, pretending to be distracted by the setting sun. It sat low on the horizon, just half of it, and even that was barely visible behind the clouds that draped over the deep grey of the ocean. The damp chill of the new evening's air conspired against us as it did every day. It was nearly time to leave.

"You should be home soon, Bella. Someone will be waiting for you, surely."

"And what about you?" she asked, pivoting on one foot over a loose rock. It was her first challenging question all afternoon. If I had a beating heart it would have faltered.

"There are more hours tomorrow, Isabella, "I said, ashamed of my own cowardice," There are hours upon hours for your questions. You should be getting home, you must be starving by now."

"Do you promise?" she asked lightly, almost jokingly, though I noted the trepidation in her voice.

I sighed, taking her hand and pulling her gently from her perch on a small boulder," Yes, I promise. I'll be waiting at your truck tomorrow, as soon as you're out of class. Satisfied?"

"Even if I tell you now that tomorrow my questions won't be so easy?"

I flinched at her light-hearted question. It was a dagger in my still heart. I cursed my own naïveté. I was an imbecile for believing for a second that she was dense. I should have known better, she was always too perceptive, and always slightly demanding.

I sighed again, already weary. It was as if there was a giant clocking ticking down the seconds, making every word, every sigh, every breath count for an impossible amount. It was exhausting to live this way… I had never been conscious of time passing before.

"And what if you don't find the answers you are looking for, Bella? Or worse, what if you do? What then? What if you don't like what you see?"

"Well, I guess I'll just have to disappear and maybe _I'll_ nevercome back."

She teased me with a playful reminder of my penchant for mysterious behavior, but the fact that she had been holding back on purpose made it obvious that it still did more than just bother her.

"Perhaps if you did," I said seriously, "It would be better… But I'm not sure I could let you go now."

"Oh really," she said challengingly, trying to lighten the mood, "And if I just ran…"

Her lips pursed, her eyes bright, and she took off toward the direction of her car, her strides comically slow and unsteady, though I could tell she was trying her hardest.

I let her beat me to the truck, where she collapsed against it, exerted. I stopped just behind her, my breath perfectly even.

"You can't beat me in a footrace," I said to her sadly, grabbing her hand and brushing it softly against my lips.

"And what was that?" she laughed emptily, a sure sign that she had caught the change in my tone.

"I'll always put you first, Bella. No matter what happens now, no matter what happens ever… I can't promise you everything, but I can promise you this… My desires will always come second when it comes to putting you first. Do you believe that?"

"Y-yes," she said, her hands trembling in mine.

"Good. Now let me take you home, Bella, it'll be getting dark soon."

……………………………**..**

**A/N:**

**This story is dedicated to Pureology Nano Shampoo and Conditioner, Smith's Rosebud Salve & Taylor Lautner in about 5 years. **

**Also, this chapter is … **_**different.**_** I worried about taking it to the darkside. But don't abandon me just yet!**

**...**

**So, somebody has been rec'ing this fic to other people… In particular, an anonymous comment to the girls over at The Lazy Yet Discerning Ficster (check out the blog, they'll guide you through the mountain of fic out there). **

**Who was it? LLe2006, hm?**

**Well, whoever it was, I'm very appreciative.**

**And fess up, so I can thank you properly.**


	15. Chapter 15

…………………**..**

I pushed open her bedroom window, flinching at the sound of a loudly passing car in the distance. The very last thing either of us needed was for her to find me in this bedroom again, uninvited. I was back in her good graces, yes, but there was no need to test our newfound ease.

I inhaled deeply, smiling at the way her scent scalded my throat though I had been with her only hours ago. I had come to love the way I burned whenever I was with her. It was a blatant reminder of not only my limitations, but a subtle punishment to offset the ease of being with her. And it was exactly that:

Easy.

She made it that way. She never pried too hard or dug too deep, she pretended not to notice when I answered a question monosyllabically. She smiled easily and laughed often, touched me when she felt like it, blushed and looked away innocently when I touched her.

Too Easy.

I stood at her bedside, inhaling again, ignoring the urges that pulled at my insides as she rolled onto her back, throwing her arms above her head, murmuring the entire time. Her fingers fanned out on the pillow, her usually silken hair wild and unruly as it tangled all around her. She grumbled in irritation suddenly, pushing an errant lock from her face where is danced over her lips, her deep breaths causing the movement. I watched in a trance as she trailed a hand down her neck to the hollow of her throat; it came to rest somewhere over her heart. I swallowed thickly, silently reprimanding her with the words that might never have reason to leave my lips.

In her sleep she was her most sensual, and I wanted to be disgusted with myself for thinking of her that way, but I found justification in the fact that I would never act on the temptation. Yet now, with the melodies of her breathy half-words and the sight of her roaming hands, she did not look the part of the blushing virgin that I imagined her to be. She looked maddened… consumed… even slightly crazed.

And tt drove me mad, it consumed me, it made me slightly crazed.

I leaned forward to touch her lips, but immediately, I flung myself away, as if scalded by thin air. I forced my lusting hands into my pockets in the most schoolboyish manner. It was ridiculous really. A schoolboy was the farthest thing from what I was.

I pulled the blanket that had gathered around her knees up over her chest. I turned, ready to take my usual seat, but stopped myself. I grabbed the ends of the blanket, trying to ignore the way she writhed and sighed between the sheets, pulling them all the way to her chin. I took one last glace from such close proximity and forced myself backward to take the chair in the corner.

I pulled the worn journal from inside of my jacket, and began to write, the even rhythm of her breaths playing my inspiration song… The words flowed easily, the way they did every night…She was all the muse I would ever need.

**. . .**

"So where was home before here?" she asked, tossing a flat stone into the water, frowning slightly when it sank straight to the bottom of the ocean floor.

"Chicago, originally, depending on what you consider home," I answered, smiling at her smugly when my own rock skipped easily over the water's surface. I was glad that for once she seemed to be satisfied with simply sitting still at the beach, rather than tempting fate and her fragile relationship with balance.

I forced myself a few inches to the left, grimacing as I attempted to put more space between us. She was always so close, her teenage hormones always superseding her body's natural instinct for self-preservation. I was always the responsible one.

"Originally, huh?" she frowned, digging through the sand beside her, unconsciously shifting to her left as well, compensating for the distance I just placed between us, "What does that mean?"

I shrugged, picking up a jagged stone, out of her line of vision. I squeezed it tightly between my fingers and my palm, smoothing over the rough edges.

I handed it to her, "Try that one."

She took it greedily from my outstretched hand, marveling at its perfection, her warm fingers brushing against the iciness of mine without the slightest hesitation.

"It means," I said, stopping for a moment to gape at her as her tenth attempt with my perfect specimen of a rock fell short of the water's edge, "that the simple fact that I was born there, doesn't make it home. Are you trying to do so poorly?"

"No," she said, her words muffled as she continued to dig in the sand, looking" It's the rocks."

I gave her a sidelong glance, smoothing over another stone in my hand, " It's not the rocks."

"What makes home then?" she asked, pretending to be more intrigued in her archaeological excavation than the content of my response.

" I suppose, " I stalled, pretending to ponder," that it is, as they say, where the heart is."

"And where is that?" she said innocently, reaching forward to take another stone from my hand.

I wound my fingers through hers before she could pull away, taking the back of her hand to my lips.

"Here," I said, brushing a chaste kiss over her knuckles, "with you."

She blushed and looked away, obviously thrilled at my rare show of physical affection, so I gave her back her hand begrudgingly.

"But you knew that didn't you, "I teased subtlety, distracting her line of questioning," You just wanted the affirmation? You want me to remind you constantly of my feelings for you?"

Her head whipped up to glare at me, her eyes wide, "No! I was not!"

"Of course, Isabella," I goaded her, leaning over to grab the pile of rocks she had collected on her other side, "You know you only have to ask but once and I will say the words."

She forced out a disgruntled growl beneath me, the way she always did when my playful banter was at her expense, but pressed a quick kiss on the side of my neck as I was pulling away. I wanted to laugh at her for thinking that she needed to steal my affection when I was so ready to give her whatever she wanted, but she was already recovering from her embarrassment. I didn't want to be merciless, I teased her often enough.

"What do you do when you're not with me?" she said absentmindedly, rolling a pebble between both of her palms, the red flush of her cheeks fading to pink.

"Read…Write…" I said, copying her actions, smoothing another rock for her to practice with.

"I know that part," she admitted, pulling her arm behind her head and lobbing the pebble as hard as she could.

"You're doing it wrong," I told her, fighting the urge to smile at her frustration, "It's not about power… It's about technique, it's about control…"

"Hmm?" she questioned, facing me, turning another rock over in her open palm.

"You have to throw it this way," I said, showing her the how I held the stone in my hand, "And you have to… flick it, control the movement in your wrist, keep the rock level with the water."

I flicked my wrist easily, taking great care not to follow through the motion with much power; I had no desire to pique her interest any more than I already had. She copied my movement almost identically and the rock skipped happily over the still grey water.

"HA!" she said triumphantly, laughing at herself, "I did it!"

She turned to me then, putting her hands in her lap, all of her intention focused on me, her characteristically rapid mood-change only slightly unnerving now that I had grown accustomed to it.

"What else? When you're not meeting me at my truck after school or taking me to the diner or teaching me how to skip rocks… What are you doing then? What do you do at night, for instance?"

"At night?" I asked, assuming the innuendo in the question," Oh you know…"

"No, Edward. You have to answer. I've let you get away with enough today."

I cocked an eyebrow at her, liking the way her demeanor changed rapidly again, this time she was taking charge.

"Well…, " I said slowly, grinding a rock into sand in my palm," I guess you could say I'm working on _my_ control."

She quirked an eyebrow at me, but rather than ask me to explain, she just shrugged, picking up another rock.

Easy.

…………………………………

The meetings with The Cullens had been unceremoniously moved to the evenings. And I was grateful. Not grateful that they were willing to appease me, for the relationship between the Cullens and myself was still tenuous at best, but I was grateful for the simple fact that the change was an easy one.

It was with this complacent acceptance that I strode, perhaps too cavalierly, to the Cullen residence. Alice was the only one waiting for me on the porch, which was troubling enough…

"Edward," she said as soon as I was within a reasonable distance, "I saw something…"

It wasn't panic that caused the venom to flood my mouth. It was the calm. It was that same calm that preceded my mission orders in Volterra- and there had been dozens. It was one of the very few familiar feelings I had had since I came to this strange town in Washington. It was a familiar feeling and yet, at the same time, it felt foreign to be feeling it here.

"Aro?" I questioned too easily, "Who has he sent?"

"Not The Volturi, Edward."

I felt the most disgusting sensation of nausea pass through me. Her panicking thoughts could only mean one other thing.

"Then what?"

Still pictures flashed through Alice's mind between the cracks in her failed attempt to keep me out.

First, Bella crouched protectively over a body on a street I did not recognize. Blood flowed from a wound I could not see. Police cars with Port Angeles' insignia with blazing red lights illuminated the scene… People stood in a half-circle around her; one of them was on the verge of tears.

Next, her face, so contorted with horror and grief that I almost did not recognize her. The blood was still everywhere, it stained her cheek and ran down her neck, it soaked through her shirt and gathered between the creases in her hands.

Then, I saw myself. And it was the picture that shocked me the most for I, too, was covered in blood. And there was no doubt in my mind that it was the same blood. She was there with me, the two of us standing on the same street, a body being zipped into a bag in the background.

Lastly, the vision of she and I in my temporary home at the forest's edge, still in the same clothes, but now I could see her injuries as her hands pushed at my chest, trying to escape me. Her posture was tensed as if ready to run and her eyes were still red and swollen from crying. Her knuckles were bloodied and bruised. My experience told me that the way they were rubbed raw was the result of repeated impact against something hard and yet flawlessly smooth.

"Bella?" I said in barely a whisper as Alice's mind faded back into black.

She nodded once, her tightly pursed lips with their lack of words a more worrying sight than anything she could have said.

"Tell me," I demanded as I tried to penetrate the thoughts she was so diligently attempting to keep from me, "Tell me now, Alice. Now! What did I do?"

"S-she finds out, Edward. I don't know how, but I know that it has to do with me… And I d-don't know."

"You don't know, Alice? What do you mean you don't know?"

"I-I don't know, Edward! I can't see..."

"Does this power of yours ever work correctly? Can you Cullens ever actually do anything right?!"

"Edward… My visions change…"

"But you tell her? She finds out the truth?"

"I don't know, Edward! I can't see it all…"

"You meddle and you meddle and YOU MEDDLE! And the one time that you can actually be of any help… You're useless!"

"That's not fair, Edward! I don't even know if you're the one that's responsible for --"

"--Fair! What do you know of fair? You live here tucked away in your own world, away from our reality and somehow you believe that makes you superior! That you can control our nature! You think that because you don't feed on the humans, it's enough! You think that a few decades of discipline means that you can change our fate! Well, you've seen it for yourself, Alice! We cannot deny what we are! It may take ten years or it may take a century… But eventually we will all break!"

"What exactly are you trying to say?!" she demanded breathlessly, my accusations repeating in her head.

"Oh please," I gritted out, waving a hand at her dismissively, "Surely you don't think I am that stupid."

Her careful attempt to shield me from her thoughts weakened and I saw her shock, but it did nothing to deter me. I was desperate to blame anyone for anything, so long as I didn't have to blame myself for what I saw in her mind.

"I see what you are trying to do, Alice. The way you keep trying to make me one of you. You think that's what I want, Alice? You think I expect to have this life of artificial domesticity that you Cullens have? You think I want to pretend that I'm human…I'm not human, Alice! And neither are you! No matter what your diet is! No matter whom I fall in love with!"

"Edward!"

"--Maybe the life I had in Volterra is the best that I can hope for. Why keep entertaining these false hopes, Alice? What am I doing here? What am I doing with _her_? She's not like _us_. What kind of life am I expecting with her? She would be better off had she never known me!"

Her tiny hands balled into fists and her eyes flared wildly for the first time and I could not fathom why it was that comment that provoked her rage.

"Us, Edward? There IS no us! There is Edward and then there are The Cullens! And you make it that way! So don't you dare tell me that we belong in your world more than you belong in ours! And don't you dare blame me for something that hasn't happened! I'm just trying to help you! You can still change this!"

"Help me?!" I demanded, laughing maniacally, talking steps backward, "You think you are helping me?"

"Edward! I d-don't know how… But you can still change this!"

"How, Alice? Tell me!" I gritted my teeth to keep from choking on the words, "By telling Bella what I am? By taking away the one thing…"

The panic stifled the words on my lips.

Everything was fast - much too fast - and suddenly it was all arriving upon us and I had not even the faintest inkling of what I should do. I had always been too far ahead. This experience was too foreign, this territory too unknown. I had always been beyond the obstacles, always smarter, always better, always prepared, always sure - I had always been the fastest. But not now. Not today. Today, I wasn't smarter, I wasn't better, I wasn't prepared - I wasn't even fast enough. No. Not fast enough to escape my past, not even fast enough to escape _her_… For every time I was just on the precipice of finding the resolve to do what was best, to do what was right… It was _her_ voice and _her_ smile and _her_ scent and the possibility of _her_ love that kept me weak, that kept me from doing _my _duty… A century of rigid obedience and now I was only duty-bound to her.

It was laughable.

I had not known fatigue before her and yet now, standing on the porch of the Cullen's house in the middle of the idyllic life they had created her, I was exhausted. Years upon years of the hunt- of the chase- and suddenly, all that I wanted… All that I felt I needed in this vast lifetime of eternity was just a single moment of rest.

It was ironic.

Everything that I had become had been a reaction to the change. I had become a collaborator in the worst kind of crime against humanity. The stolen moments were expired now. But I promised her and I was weak. So I would give myself one day with her. One last touch, one last vision, one last time to feel what I had spent a lifetime searching for. One last moment to know humanity … One last breath of her… And then I would say goodbye.

And now that I knew humanity, I felt like a fool to have chased it for so long. Because in all of the human thoughts I had heard, I never heard this, I never heard the truth. Now that I knew humanity … I knew this too…

It was cruel.

…………………**.**

"Edward!" she screeched, running to me with the most brilliant smile as I paced nervously next to her truck, "Guess what!"

"—Isabella," I tried to interrupt, taking her bag from her automatically though my thoughts were lifetimes away.

"Wait!" she said breathlessly, her hopeful grin breaking my heart, "Me first!"

I nodded once, hoping she couldn't see the anguish that was so clearly in my every movement.

"My Dad is going to Port Angeles on Saturday to help out with the police force down there. I guess they're short-staffed or something?" she waved off the question as she rushed through her breath, though the words began to turn the cogs in my head, "So I was thinking we could do something? Maybe go to the --- Edward? Edward are you okay?"

I gathered her in my arms almost instantaneously, not caring if the action was untoward, crushing her to my chest tightly, wanting to sob with relief. _Maybe it wasn't me,_ I told myself too generously. The police cars, her father, Port Angeles, the witnesses, the body bag…It all explained her grief. It could not have been me, I would never be so careless…She wasn't trying to escape me in that last vision, she was not fighting me, I was comforting her. _ No_, I exclaimed in my head over and over, burying my face into her hair, _I know it wasn't me._

"What? Edward?" she said, trying to push out of my embrace, "What is going on? Are you okay...?"

I could only pull her closer, running my hands up her sides and down her arms, calming myself with every pass over her skin. I didn't have to give her up just yet… I had a few more stolen moments, I rejoiced at the thought. She gave up trying to understand, her body going limp in my arms as she surrendered herself to my advances. She sighed in satisfaction and when my own body stiffened with her wordless admission, I pried myself from her. This was not the time to get carried away. I would cherish her now, the time for restraint was over.

She laughed as I took a step back sheepishly, "Not that I mind, of course, but can you tell me what that was about?"

I smiled at her, teeth and all, noticing that I was trembling everywhere. I was truly a lovesick fool.

"I-I-I…"I stuttered, not knowing how to express such relief.

She pushed me playfully in the shoulder, still laughing, "What's wrong with you right now? You're acting so weird!"

What was wrong? It was still wrong though, wasn't it? Alice! I had to see Alice! If I could change any of this, if I could prevent whatever it was that Alice saw! If I could keep her from that pain, I would do…anything.

"Bella… I am sorry. I truly am, but I have to leave. I need to speak to Alice. Right away!"

She quirked an eyebrow at me and I stared back at her awkwardly.

"Are you going to tell me why?" she asked, dragging out the words.

"Must I?" I blurted out before I could control myself.

"Well, no," she said quickly, "but it would be _nice_ if you wanted to."

"I don't," I said quickly, cursing myself for my sudden inability to lie.

I saw her jaw set as she turned away from me, "Fine, I guess."

I looked from the woods to her retreating form, then back to the woods again.

I took off running toward the trees, knowing that even if she was angry with me, there would be time to rectify the situation later…

_Time, _I thought exuberantly running at full speed without even the slightest bit of caution, _I had time…_

……………………………

I ran straight to the front door of the Cullen's house, not bothering to knock before I forced it open.

I stood in the foyer and called out to her at an unnecessary volume, "Alice! Alice!"

_She's not here_… _Quantus tremor est futurus._

I heard Rosalie's thoughts echo to me from another room, they came out quickly in between her mental recitation of Medieval Latin poetry. It was an ominous sign.

_Quando judex est venturus…She saw you coming back and bolted. _

"Is she coming back anytime soon?" I said out loud.

_Not if she sees you're still here… Cuncta stricte discussurus…_

"I need to talk to her."

_Tuba mirum spargens sonum…She knows that, she didn't want you to be able to find her._

"Then?"

_I know how to find her though… Per sepulchra regionum…_

"Can you tell me," I ground out, "_Please?_"

_Coget omnes ante thronum…Are you going to apologize to her?_

She asked the question officiously, with the most patronizing tone.I could feel her distaste for me seeping though every word.

"If that's what it takes, then yes. It was never my intention to upset her," I said honestly.

_And what __**was **__your intention, then?... Mors stupebit et natura._

"It was a moment of panic, Rosalie," I admitted, "Generally, I ... don't mind, Alice."

_Liber scriptus proferetur…Wow, what an excellent apology. _

"Rosalie…."

_No, really, Edward. That's great… In quo totum continetur…_

"What would be _great, _Rosalie, is if you told me where I could find her."

_You really hurt her feelings you know._

"I'll try not to do it again."

_Unde mundus judicetur…Are you apologizing because you mean it, or because of Bella?_

"Everything is for Isabella…"

I heard her choking cough echo through the adjacent room.

_Sorry, _she apologized a moment later, _I think I just vomited a little in my mouth._

"Rosalie…" I warned again, "Tell me where she is. I need to speak to her."

_She's sensitive, Edward. You have to be nicer to her. You have to let her meddle sometimes. It's her thing. If you're going to be a part of…._

She stopped herself abruptly, shifting from Latin to The Odyssey in its original Homeric Greek. But it was too late. I already saw the end of her thought. Even _she_ anticipated my assimilation into their family. But there would be time to deal with that later. What I needed now was to find Alice.

"Yes, Rosalie. I'll try harder. I swear it. Now, will you tell me where I can find her?"

There was a pause, I imagine it was to roll her eyes and flip her hair with a disaffected sigh.

"I don't know where she is, Edward." Rosalie said out loud, walking into the room," But Jasper does."

I suppressed the urge to reach out and yank down on that curtain of blond hair as she passed. Yet I knew that it would get me absolutely nowhere and I had no good grace to pitter away needlessly.

"And where is he?"

She shrugged her shoulders, flipping her hair behind her back, not knowing how close she was to losing it. She walked up the stairs with swaying hips and it was my turn to gag now.

"He'll be back soon," she sighed, "You can wait here."

She stopped, just before disappearing behind a heavy set of double-doors. She turned to me, her mind suddenly clear and what I heard surprised me.

"Tell her, Edward, tell her about us. If it'll keep her safe and keep her yours… Then you have to tell her."

I nearly said thank you, but Rosalie did always know how to spoil the moment.

"Besides… I'm getting so sick and tired of all of this be-nice-to-Edward, be-more-understanding, don't-be-such-a-Bitch-Rosalie business… Maybe if you get some action and stop acting so emotionally retarded, things can go back to normal around here…"

She slammed the doors behind her with an unnecessary force that shook the walls.

_It's not as if she actually needs that hair…_

……………………………

I paced through the foyer, running through the still pictures of Alice's vision in my mind. It could be undone. It didn't have to happen this way… I grew more anxious with every hollow step that reverberated through the meticulously kept room. The house was completely empty, save for Rosalie's thoughts, preening and admiring from the bedroom behind the heavy doors. I was growing so impatient that I nearly bounded up the stairs, if only to have a distraction from the possibilities that afflicted me from within my own head, but suddenly far-off thoughts begin to materialize in my mind.

It was Jasper first. He wasn't happy with me. I could tell from the steady stream of expletives he ticked off in his mind. I saw a vision of a forlorn Alice sitting perfectly still, tucked into his side.

I frowned, I really didn't like upsetting her needlessly.

Emmett was with him, still in good spirits, his mind replayed scenes of the hunt that they had just finished.

Who I heard next surprised me. It was Alice, trailing behind them. She was hesitant as she followed them, but in her mind I saw that she had seen what had transpired almost as soon as I had left.

"It doesn't mean I'm not mad at you," she said out loud, still distant on the peripheries of the property.

"I know," I responded, knowing she could hear me too.

I walked onto the porch to wait for them, but they were running fast, they were visible a moment later.

Emmett bounded up the steps first, giving me a shrug as he passed, calling out for Rosalie. Jasper and Alice has slowed down considerably, still making their way through the vast thicket of trees after Emmett was long gone. She was trying to keep me out, though not very well, while Jasper continued to recite the same accusing profanities in my head. Her head was down as she approached, her steps unusually heavy, trying to hide from me in Jasper's width and height.

I let her take her time, listening to the way that Jasper attempted to calm himself after Alice tugged insistently at the hem on his shirt. He glared at me one last time and began to play visions of he and Alice hunting on a sunny day in his mind.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" he asked her out loud, knowing that I would be able to hear him anyway.

She nodded once and he went to drop a kiss on her forehead before racing past me, but not before murmuring a warning into my general direction.

"You better apologize. Grovel if you have to."

I waved him off, taking my time to approach Alice. She looked more timid than I had ever seen her. Without her usual ebullient air, she was nearly unrecognizable.

"Alice…I'm sorry."

"Hm!" she sniffed, turning away from me," You're just saying that so I'll tell you what happens next…"

"I'm not, Alice. You know I would never say something just to placate you."

She turned away in another quarter-circle, her back to me completely. I saw her bottom lip poking out sullenly in her profile.

"You're visions aren't useless."

"No," she said resolutely to the open air in front of her, "they're not. Sometimes they just take some… _time _to solidify."

"Of course they do," I agreed, rolling my eyes.

"I saw that," she said almost immediately.

I groaned, "You know I mean what I say. You know I don't like upsetting you."

She turned toward me, just barely, toeing at the ground, "Go on…"

"I'm sorry," I said soothingly, "You know you've always been my favorite."

"You're just saying that…."she hedged, but I could see her resolve weakening in the way she stopped herself from turning toward me completely.

"Alice…" I said frustrated, yet knowing that she had already forgiven me, "Do you want Bella to be upset if her Dad gets hurt? She likes you too, you know…"

She made another quarter turn, facing me completely now, but looking away, "…And how do you know that?"

I chanced a small smile at her, "She told me…"

She kicked at the grass again, still refusing to look at me, "What'd she say?"

"She said you're fun… And pretty."

"Pretty?" Alice chirped, looking at me excitedly, but quickly trying to pretend she wasn't interested, "Well... What else?"

"She said that we should all..." I sighed, knowing if I admitted this to her, she would never let it pass.

"Well?" Alice said, her hands on her hips, her stance defiant. It was her last stand.

I rolled my eyes again, choosing to quote Bella's exact words, "She said we should all 'hang out'.

Alice's eyes brightened instantaneously and she was back to her old self, bouncing around, exuding excitement, visions of her and Bella shopping flittering through her head. I wasn't sure if it was wishful thinking or an actual vision, but I decided it might be better for my own sanity if I didn't know for sure.

She clapped her hands together, flying around me her feet barely touching the ground, " I knew she and I were going to be friends…"

"Alice…." I said, pulling her back into reality, "She's not going to be very much fun if she's mourning the loss of her Father…"

She frowned mid-bounce, "True."

Her eyes glazed over a moment later, before a few seconds of rapid blinking. She closed her eyes tightly, but just as quickly opened them again.

"Easy," she shrugged, "Just make sure Bella doesn't cancel her plans with her Dad to hang out with you. Tell her you're busy…"

"That's it?" I asked, disbelieving, "That's all I have to do?"

She glared at me for a second, irritated that I was already back to doubting her visions, "Yes, Edward. That's all."

I let the tension gather in my haunches, preparing to run, elated that everything that had only just seemed catastrophic was so easily resolved, but Alice's final words dampened my mood as the trees bordering the Cullen residence washed into a blur.

"You're still going to have to tell her, Edward" she called after me, "It may not be tonight, but it'll be soon…!"

_Just a few more stolen moments…_

……………………**..**

I knocked on her door, relieved that her Father wouldn't be home for a few more hours. I was tired of explaining myself, tired of all of the incessant words…

"Wow," she deadpanned, "You're actually using the door."

I smirked at her and it was a failed attempt at being charming, she grimaced in response.

"Did you get to have your super-secret talk with, Alice?" she asked dryly, folding her arms protectively over her chest.

_Oh, that. She was still irritated about that. Teenage girls were exhausting._

"I'm sorry about earlier, Bella. I, uh, wanted to confirm our plans for Saturday."

"Saturday?" Bella asked, her icy demeanor melting just slightly.

"Yes," I admitted, "While I would love to spend Saturday with you, I had already made plans with, Alice."

Deciding that I needed to the extra leverage, I half-lied a little more," Of course I would much rather spend time with you, but Alice is adamant that I keep my plans with her. You understand, don't you?"

"Of course!" she agreed quickly, "If you would have just told me that… I wouldn't have…I had plans with my Dad anyway… He just gave me the option to cancel them and I thought that maybe…"

"Don't cancel on him…" I cut in, "I'm sure he'd be heartbroken if you did."

"Yeah, but I guess they really need the extra help in Port Angeles… I'm sure I can find something to occupy my Saturday…"

"No!" I said a little too forcefully, leaving no room for dissent, "Make sure he doesn't go to Port Angeles."

"But… Why?" she ask timidly, "It's not like a particularly dangerous city, Edward."

I reached forward, cupping her cheek in my hand, forcing her to look into my eyes so that she might see the gravity of my insistence, "Do not, under any circumstances, let your Father go to Port Angeles this weekend, do you understand me?"

She gave me a worried look, her pulse beating in double-time against my wrist, but agreed, "Okay. Yes. I'll make sure he doesn't go."

"Okay," I said, breathing an audible sigh of relief, dropping my hand from her cheek.

She nodded to herself, eyeing me suspiciously, but shrugged it off again, the way she always did.

She bit her lip and looked up at me shyly, "Do you want to come inside?"

**A/N: **

**Yes, I know this chapter sucks. It was hard to write. It took a week and several failed attempts to complete. My brain doesn't work on Spring Break. Btw, I'm behind in responding to reviews on Twilighted (and working on starting at FFdotnet), but I'll catch up! I heart you guys.**

**The ladies over at Temptation: A Twilight Fanfiction Podcast were lovely enough to mention this little fic a week ago. Go check it out on itunes or at their blog. Sample funny quote, "You can't copyright awesome." Or, "Can I just say that America Online is **_**not**_** popular in Canada?"**

**In context, those quotes are hilarity.**

**I also want to apologize to Christine30974 who has to deal with this: "AHHHHH!" on pretty much on a daily basis. **


	16. Chapter 16

**See how much more productive I am when it **_**isn't **_**spring break? I'm hoping to have another chapter done by tomorrow!**

**Bella's POV, btw, so if it sounds different….**

_Last time on De Anima…_

"Do you want to come inside?"

**BellaPOV**

He hesitated.

In fact, he hesitated for so long that I thought he might refuse. It wouldn't be the first time that something he did confused me…

He took a step forward, just barely over the threshold and gave me a look that I'd seen on his face a hundred times before. It was the face that said, 'Are you sure about this?'

I hated that face.

And I hated it because he only ever did it when I tried to make the first move! It didn't matter what that first move was… When **I** wanted to go somewhere new, when** I** tried to tell him how I felt, when **I **_tried_ to show him… And it was infuriating! Infuriating because when it came to everything else – books, music, travel destinations, theories on human nature, on _life_- he was also so cocksure.

And it was all his fault…

Because he said all of those wonderful things about needing **me** and wanting **me **and loving **me**… And then, all of a sudden, it was like he was scared of **me.** He kept his distance, he avoided the big subjects, he picked and chose his words so carefully that it made me want to grab him and shake him and yell at him, but most of all it made me want, so badly, just to _love _him.

I knew what came after infuriation; it was humiliation. I was coming awfully close to it, too. I nearly died after kissing the side of his neck at the beach a day ago. When it came to him, I just couldn't help myself. It was lewd of me to think of it, much, much too forward for Edward's gentlemanly attitude, but I hoped that if I could just get him inside, maybe I could get him upstairs, that maybe if I got him upstairs I could get him into my room, that if I got him into my room I could get him into my bed, if I could get him into my bed…

"Isabella?"

I blinked a few times, the green blur ahead of me focusing into trees. Edward was already meandering around my living room, shaking his head, when I noticed I was still standing with my hand on the doorknob staring blankly into space.

_Could I be anymore awkward?_

"S-sorry," I stammered.

I shut the door quickly and noticed he had moved to the fireplace.

_Oh no… No... NO… NO!_

I ran across the room, barely missing the coffee table.

"Nothing to see here," I said frantically, trying to grab the most offending picture frames off the mantle, "Do you want something to drink? Something to eat?"

"No, I think I like it right here," he said mercilessly, picking up a forgotten picture frame as I fumbled with the six that I clutched against my chest.

I groaned, tossing my armload into the couch behind me. They clattered loudly against each other, but it didn't drown out the sound of his soft laugh.

"Hmmm," he said, running a finger across the glass of the frame.

"Primary school," he said nodding to himself. "2nd grade?"

My cheeks colored, I didn't have to see them to know. I sighed, "First."

"First," he said smiling, fingering the picture frame and then holding it up to show me.

He pointed to my toothless smile, "You were adorable even then."

_God, I want to kiss you._

"D-do you want something to drink?" I asked a second time, "Something to eat?"

I knew he would refuse, but I asked anyway, it seemed like the most polite thing to do… And if there was one thing that Edward usually was, it was polite. That was, of course, when he wasn't disappearing for days on end, showing up in my room in the middle of the night uninvited, or teasing me to the point of cruelty…

"No thank you, Isabella," he said, continuing his wordless assessment of the room, leaning forward to study a spectacularly bad picture of me in middle school.

He took his time looking at the remaining pictures on the mantle before deciding that he hadn't tortured me enough. He moved over to the couch, knowing that I was watching his every move. He had to know. I stared at him shamelessly now, all the time. He went silent every once in a while, staring off into space for long minutes, and I never tried to pull him out of it. The bronze of his hair, the golden-brown of his eyes, the angular set of his jaw, the smoldering intensity of just… _him_. How could I look away? I never wanted to look at anything else.

He looked down at the overturned picture frames on the couch and then back to me. He raised an eyebrow with a look that said,' Can I?'

I fought the urge to scream 'NO!', sure that it would offend him.

I forced a martyring smile, "You've already seen the worst of it, I guess. Go ahead…"

He winked at me.

Winked? Edward? At me?

_Since when does Edward wink?_

I watched him turn over the pictures one by one. He looked at them all, side by side, smiling the entire time. He took the third one from the right; the vibrant orange from within the frame told me it was Halloween. 9 years old. I was a pumpkin. He ran light fingertips around the borders of the picture, and closed his eyes for a second after staring intently at the image, as if he was trying to memorize it. He walked it back to the fireplace, putting it back exactly where it was before I performed my earlier smash-and-grab job. He repeated the action 4 more times, closing his eyes for a little longer each time. Watching him, I wanted to feel sad for some strange reason, but I couldn't will the emotion forward. He seemed too happy to be doing it, smiling brighter with each pass to the mantle, and I was too happy to see him this way. So there we were, watching each other, too happy, though I didn't quite know why.

He picked up the last picture, grinning, and before I knew what I was doing, I was grinning too.

"This is my favorite," he said, holding it up to show it to me.

It was the most recent, 3 months ago, my senior portrait.

I laughed, "But it's so recent…"

He shrugged, turning back to the mantle, clearing a space in the middle carefully. He put it back, so delicately, as if it might suddenly shatter. He faced me, still smiling, but there was something melancholic in his eyes.

"It's the only Bella that I know," he said, moving toward me, "I wish I could have known all of them…"

I breathed him in, he was just inches from me now, and my body responded accordingly, my heart was thumping wildly in my chest. I was sure he could hear it, it was ringing in my ears, but I didn't care. I wanted him to know how much I wanted him.

"You have me now…" I said, leaning into him.

"No," he said, sighing, "It is you that has me…All of me… Always."

He brushed cold fingertips along my neck, threading his hand into my hair, and I wanted to scream. Not because of the shock of his skin, but because I was so desperate to feel the ice of his touch everywhere and he was being much too careful. Every second he hesitated I knew he was asking for my permission. As if there was anything he could do, anything he could say, anything he could ask that I wouldn't agree to without a second thought. He stared at my mouth, as if transfixed, and ran a tentative thumb over my bottom lip. I practically purred, I wanted it so badly.

He smiled at me, playfully, and it was the first time I noticed that he was in an unnaturally good mood. I decided in that moment that a playful Edward made a happy Bella. I knew better than to miss an opportunity.

I launched myself into him, the resulting frustration of a week's chaste flirtation causing me to press my chest into his wantonly, my lips seeking his without permission. He tensed the moment that my mouth made contact with his, but his rigid posture melted the moment I moaned into his mouth. His lips were still tightly shut and I knew that I was testing some ridiculous concept of his virtue, but I couldn't care less. I wanted his tongue in my mouth and I wanted it now.

I licked him. I… Licked… Him! And his lips parted at the shock, surely to scold me for being so forward, but I grasped at the chance, doubling my efforts and grabbing the collar of his shirt. I ran feather-light touches against his bare skin and he withered just a little more. A moment of weakness and already he was chasing his discipline: He forced his hand away from my face, pressing his arms into his sides, though his lips continued to move against mine. I shook my head, pushing myself into his cold lips, grabbing his wrists. His breathy laugh was more of an aphrodisiac than the feel of his skin on mine, but I drew his arms around my waist anyway, encouraging him to have me in anyway that he wanted me. I moaned into his mouth again, knowing he liked it, knowing that I needed the upper hand.

It worked.

Before the ends of my breath, he gave himself over to me, to us, to _this._ The ice cold wetness of his mouth shocked me, but instead of moving back, I pressed myself forward, reveling in the way my body met the hard resistance of his despite the fact that he was pulling me into him too. He ran the tip of his tongue against the entire length of my bottom lip slowly, _too slowly_, and I decided that if he wanted games, then I wasn't going to be the one to fight fair. I pressed my chest into his, rubbing against him, knowing that he could feel just how dirty I was willing to play. He gasped first, his hands clenching the exposed skin just below the hem of my shirt, then he growled, his thumb slipping mischievously under the waistband of my jeans.

I gasped into his mouth, surprised and blissfully panicked at how willing he was to play this game. I moaned into his mouth again, when I felt his tongue press forcefully into mine and despite the cool reassurance of his touch, _everything_ was hot… and wet.

"Bella!!"

The sound of a familiar voice shocked us apart and everything in me that was just consumed in lust was now burning with rage.

_I'm going to kill him._

"Bella," he called out from the other side of the front door, "Are you home?"

"Of course you're home," he mumbled to himself, though I could clearly hear him, "Your truck is outside."

I could practically see him tossing his shoulders back the way he always did when he talked to himself. He knocked on the door again, louder this time, probably assuming I was upstairs in my room.

"Bells!" he called out, "Open up!"

I looked at Edward, amusedly noticing the wreck of hair on top of his head. If I looked even half as crazed, Jacob would assume that far more went on than what actually had.

I looked at Edward with wide-eyes, stifling a laugh, not knowing whether or not to answer the door. To be perfectly honest, I knew exactly what I'd rather be doing… And what I'd rather be doing was Edward…

I mouthed the question at him, but he wasn't looking at me, in fact, it was the first time I'd ever seen him looked slightly surprised.

I wanted to laugh, but his surprise quickly turned into a frown.

My frown matched his.

Apparently playtime was over.

Just as I was about to walk to the door to let Jacob in, Edward grabbed me at the wrist.

_Playtime_ _resumed? _I thought hopefully.

"Who is that?" Edward asked in a rushed voice. His features looked more dark and brooding than they had in weeks, it shocked me a little.

"M-my friend, Jacob," I said, doing a poor job of masking my surprise," He was the first friend I made when I came to Forks, our Dad's are friends."

I found myself justifying myself automatically, though I knew I had no reason to.

"Well," I said a little too brightly, "Come meet him… He's curious about you."

I pulled Edward toward the door, noticing his reluctant steps. I squeezed his palm reassuringly, reaching for the knob with my other hand.

"You can't possibly be nervous," I said playfully, hoping to pull him out of his suddenly bad mood.

"No," he said darkly, "Not nervous…"

I pulled the door open, my face already set to give Jacob a warning look -Jake was a hugger and Edward was… Not – but I couldn't help but smile at his boyish smirk.

"Geez! What took so long, B---"

His characteristically upbeat greeting faded into silence as soon as he noticed that I wasn't the only one who answered the door. He looked at my face, then to Edward's, then to our clasped hands and he frowned. Frowned! I don't think I'd ever seen Jake frown before that moment. Everything was backward today. First, Edward and his curiously playful mood and now Jake with his instant frown, it was unnerving.

"Jake," I said slowly, give him a pointed 'don't screw this up' look, "This is Edward."

"Edward," I chirped gleefully, "This is Jacob."

"Hey, Man," Jacob offered, "What's up?"

"Nothing," Edward said warily, "How are you?"

"Good, Man. I'm good."

"Good."

It was tense. Which was okay. It wasn't hostile, thankfully, just tense. Edward seemed to relax just slightly the moment that Jacob began to speak, but I guess it was wishful thinking on my part to assume that they would automatically become friends.

Edward cleared his throat," I better get going, Isabella."

"What? Why?" I cut in, pulling him back when he moved toward the door," You just got here."

"I have plans," he said cryptically.

_Plans? _I thought to myself. He never had plans. Unless they were with The Cullens.

"Are you going to see A---"

"Yes," he interrupted me shortly.

"Sorry," he apologized almost immediately, running his thumb over the back of my hand," I … forgot."

He turned to the boy at the door, who was trying obviously not to be too intrusive," Besides, Jacob here will keep you company…"

"Sure," Jake answered easily, shrugging his shoulders and sauntering into the house.

He went straight to the kitchen, the way he always did. It was a small miracle that he didn't eat us out of house and home. The moment he disappeared behind the corner, I turned back to Edward, speaking in hushed tones.

"You don't have to leave," I whispered, "I can get rid of Jacob if you feel like continuing what we were doing before…"

I gave him my best attempt at a suggestive look before reaching up, eager to have his lips back on mine. He pulled away, pressing a kiss to my temple.

"Bella…" he warned.

"Ugh! Fine!" I said, letting go of his hands, "Go hang out with, Alice."

He smiled at me," I'll see you on Monday."

"Monday?!" I complained," That's three days from now!"

He nodded at me, his arrogant smirk showing his obvious pleasure at my irritation at being without him for so long.

"Yes, Bella… Monday."

"I wouldn't complain if you snuck into my room now," I said hopefully," I mean…if you're not scared."

Another pointed look from him, another mysterious silence.

"I'll see you..._soon._"

My heart leapt at the possibility, "Really? Like, tonight soon? Or …"

"_Soon_," he said cryptically.

I cringed, both at the non-committal nature of his answer and the sound of Jacob dropping something in the kitchen.

"Sorry!" he called out from the other room," Spaghetti sauce. I've got it though, Bells!"

"Where are those paper towels?" I heard him mutter to himself.

I sighed," I better go take care of that."

He gave me an understanding look, "Of course."

"Soon?" I questioned again, trying to prolong his presence for just a few seconds more.

"Soon," he affirmed.

"Tell Alice I said 'Hi'," I said dejectedly.

"I will."

"Bye," I sighed.

He looked at me with such an obvious longing, one that I'm sure I mirrored, that I wanted to ask him again – beg him – to stay, but he was already turning to leave as my mind began to formulate the words. I closed the door behind him as he walked down my driveway, knowing that no matter how many times I offered, he'd never let me drive him to The Cullens'. He seemed to like walking.

I pressed my back against the door, closing my eyes for just a second, running my fingertips across my lips, quickly frustrated with their warmth. It just wasn't the same, I decided, walking to the kitchen. They just weren't smooth enough, weren't cold enough, weren't…. Edward enough.

**. . . . .**

"What's the damage?" I asked, eyeing the remnants of the glass jar on the floor.

"How much does…" he trailed off, picking a piece of glass out of the top of the garbage can, holding it near his face between his thumb and forefinger, "… Prego cost?"

"A million dollars!" I challenged, reaching for a fresh roll of paper towels in the pantry.

I whipped around to throw it at him, but he looked too guilty.

"A buck eighty-nine," I admitted, unrolling the scratchy material around my hand.

"But you have to clean it up," I said, tossing the handful at him, "I'll get the Pine-Sol."

"Sorry, Bells," he said smiling, "I was trying to get to the…"

"…Peanut butter," I finished, "It's always the peanut butter."

"You know me too well," he chirped, grabbing the broom out of the pantry.

He went to work, gathering up the glass into a pile, sweeping all around the kitchen, careful not to miss any stray pieces of glass.

"Sooooo…." he chanced, pretending not to be casual, though I knew him better than that, he only just admitted it, "Edward, huh?"

"Yes, Jake," I groaned, already feeling flushed, "I told you about Edward."

"Yes," he said, sweeping the glass into a dustpan, "You did. But you didn't tell me much…"

"That's because I don't know much," I admitted, hopping onto the counter next to the sink, "He's not from around here. He knows the Cullens, I guess? Old family friends."

Jacob's hand stalled mid-sweep, his knuckles turning white as they tightened around the broom handle.

"I thought he looked…."

"What?" I asked, not liking the way Jacob's voice suddenly turned accusatory, "Looked what?"

"Looked like…_them._"

"I don't think they're related, Jake."

He didn't respond, his knuckles only turned whiter against the russet of his skin.

"What?" I asked again, "Is there something wrong with the Cullens?"

"Depends on what you think is wrong," he said haughtily.

I dragged my hands over the counter top at my sides, biting at the corner of my lip, waiting for him to continue.

"I'm going to need more than that…" I said impatiently, growing more irked at his continued silence.

"Nothing," he said abruptly, "It's stupid."

"Just spit it out, Jake, What's your problem with The Cullens?"

"It's not that _I_ have a _problem_ with them," he said finally, "It's just that they're…"

He trailed off again, turning away from me to toss the last of the glass into the garbage. He turned back toward me, freeing his hands as he put the broom back into the pantry. He sat on the countertop next to me, not having to jump the way that I did. It was one of the many advantages of being over 6 feet tall.

"It's not that I think they're _bad_, Bella. Just… different."

"How so?" I asked, knowing that the quicker I got it out of him, the less likely he was to edit.

"It's stupid."

"Jake…"

He groaned, turning toward me," It's just an old Quileute legend."

"About The Cullens?" I asked, remembering that they had moved here just a few months before I did," How is that possible?"

He shrugged.

"I thought they just moved here…"

"—Or just moved back," he interjected, "Like I said, it's stupid."

"Just get on with it!"

He pushed me with his shoulder," Fine."

I looked at him expectantly, pulling on a loose string in the hem of my shirt, suddenly nervous.

"Supposedly, The Cullens are descendants of The Cold Ones. We found them hunting on our land. This was… generations ago, Bella."

"Like how many generations ago? How many years?"

"I don't know," he blanched.

"Jake… Come on."

The strangest sense of urgency was building in my stomach and he couldn't tell the story fast enough. I somehow knew, intuitively, that maybe this story was the reason that Edward was so unwilling to talk about his past. But he _wasn't_ one of the The Cullens, I said to myself, old 'friends' I repeated to myself, trying to recollect the details of Edward's sparse explanations in my head.

"60… Maybe more, maybe less," Jacob said finally, kicking the cabinets under the counter lightly with the back of his foot.

"W-were they bad?" I asked, not knowing where the question came from, unsure of the answer that Jacob would give me. It didn't matter what he said, I decided, waiting for his answer. Even if he said that they were, I knew that Edward wasn't. He couldn't be. He was… Edward.

"No," Jacob said with certainty, but hesitating to qualify his answer.

"No?" I encouraged him, forcing him to continue.

"They weren't like the rest of their kind… It's the only reason we didn't expose them for what they were."

I felt a bead of perspiration fall down the back of my neck. I swiped at it quickly, as if it was fire and not sweat that trailed along my skin. I clenched my hands into fists, noticing that they were clammy too. My heart drummed steadily in my chest, suddenly responding to the same trepidation that my hands already had.

"W-what were they, Jake? The Cold ones," I said, barely able to force out the words that he had only just said, "What are they?"

His eyes went pitch-black, his upper lip curling in a way I had never seen. It forced the pit in my stomach even father south.

"It's stupid, Bella. It's just an old legend…"

I grabbed his arm and his eyes softened as they darted to my hand; he noticed the physical manifestation of my nervousness. I let go of his arm.

"Bells, don't freak out."

"What were they, Jake?"

"It's stupid."

"Jake, _please_," I reached forward again, squeezing his hand, wordlessly begging him to continue.

He rolled his shoulders back, trying to feign nonchalance, clearly hoping that his change in demeanor would result in a change in mine. But I couldn't pretend I didn't care now, not when I felt like I was just on the verge of unlocking the key to whatever secret Edward seemed so hell bent on hiding from me.

"Vampires."

"Vampires?"

He shrugged, pulling his hand out of mine, looking away.

_Vampires. _I repeated the word in my head.

_Vampires._

Jacob turned to look at me with an apprehensive stare, trying to gauge my reaction.

_Vampires._

Our eyes met, black into brown, and suddenly… the pit in my stomach unfurling… the clamminess of hands evaporating…

We laughed.

We laughed, long and hand hard, with deep heaving breaths and hands over stomachs, and just… laughing.

It took us a few minutes to calm down, both of us high on the ridiculousness of it all.

"God, Jake! You scared me half to death!" I said after I caught my breath, punching him in the arm, "I thought you were going to say they were like... In the mafia or something!"

He chuckled, wiping a stray tear out of the corner of his eye, "You should have seen your face, Bella! You looked like you were going to piss your pants!"

I punched him again, loving and hating the way he always knew the worst ways to make me laugh.

"And what would the mafia be doing in Forks, Bella?" he said, hopping down, turning back to the cabinet to search for the forgotten peanut butter, "Be realistic. That's even less believable than Vampires."

"Realistic," I groaned, jumping onto the linoleum floor, following suit, "You're such an ass…"

I pulled out the bread and reached for a knife, the momentary feeling of carelessness fading quickly when I realized that I still didn't know any of Edward's secrets. _At this point_, I mused, _Vampires would have been better than nothing. I don't think I can take much more of this cryptic, mysterious business…_

………………………

I woke up on Sunday morning and actually hoped it was Monday.

That's how pathetic I was.

I was so hopelessly, completely, disgustingly infatuated with Edward that I was actually wishing away the weekend.

Pathetic.

I closed my eyes, hoping for just a little more sleep. I was still tired and I had nobody to blame but myself. On Friday, I stayed up later than usual, canceling my plans with Angela so that I could stay home to curl my hair. Just in case…

… And he didn't come.

I couldn't be mad. He never promised he would.

So I felt even more pathetic for doing it again last night.

It was even worse. I dotted a little perfume behind my ear just before going to bed in my best pajamas. Silk.

Pathetic. Really pathetic.

"Bella," I heard Charlie's voice followed by a tentative knock on the door, "Are you awake?"

"Y-yeah," I groaned, clearing the morning rasp out of my throat, pulling the covers over my pajamas.

There was no need to get Charlie involved, if I could keep him blissfully unaware, I would.

He opened the door slowly and I sat up when I noticed he was fully dressed in his uniform.

He never worked on Sundays.

"You're going to work?" I questioned, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"Yeah," he said, completely ignoring my wardrobe choices, "Port Angeles."

"Why?"

"There was a robbery, then a stand-off. It was bad," he said straightforwardly, "Two cops."

He didn't have to elaborate for me to know exactly what he meant. I felt my stomach lurch at the thought. I was never good with the idea of death, much less murder. Probably violent, surely horrible.

"D-do you have to go?" I said, trying not to let on just how scared I was.

"Yeah, Bells. I do."

He looked at me for a moment and I couldn't keep my eyes from watering.

"Come on, Bells. It'll be fine. It's already over and done with. They're short-staffed as it is. I'll be handing out speeding tickets. It's not a big deal… And since I didn't go in yesterday like I was supposed to..."

I couldn't hear the rest of his sentence. Everything turned into white noise…. I started to hyperventilate.

_Like I was supposed to…._

_Port Angeles…_

_Robbery…_

_Do not, under any circumstances, let your Father go to Port Angeles this weekend, do you understand me?_

I felt like my chest was collapsing in on itself, I couldn't breath.

He knew…

But how did he…

_He knew._

"Bella?"

I tried to calm myself, knowing that involving Charlie would only make it impossible for me to find out the truth.

And I had to know… I had to ask him myself.

But I didn't know how to find him…

… Or where.

But I knew who did.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

"The Cullens," I gasped, "I have to see The Cullens."

………………………………**..**

**A/N:**

**Before you shank me, I'm actually on Team Everyone. I heart Jacob, I heart Edward, I heart Bella and I heart you. So, you know, don't shank me.**

**This chapter is dedicated to failed attempts at being alluring, awkward laughter, easy banter and deep conversation. **


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